Ex crush / lover entering my life again.

[Anonymous22]

To start things off I want to give a brief introduction about us I met her at college during my second year we had NC for 4 months till last year in summer. We grew fairly close mutual feelings and all. To the point where we became intimate (only kissing and cuddling). She knew how I felt and at the time I was unsure about her feelings cause she never told me anything because of this I grew insecure and kept my guard up. We had a small conflict where I ended up pushing her away. It was my mistake. She went for NC for 2 weeks straight ignoring me and all. I figured this was the end for us.

 

Soon I later found out that she did actually like me, but I found out too late 4 months or more has passed since the conflict. I let her go cause I was upset at the fact that I hurt her. I also found out that she got back with an ex lover (it's my thoughts I believe) because she said something like "I love him so much and no one will ever replace him" I took it as a sign that there was nothing between us. 4 months passed by I randomly got a text from her we talked things out and I told her I was sorry and everything and we hanged out again after a year of not seeing each other we saw each other for 2 to 3 weeks. It wasn't the same as it first was when we liked each other. Sometimes there were awkward silence, there was no physical contact, but all the while I remained sweet to her never changed one bit nor has my feelings, but I didn't physically touch her because I respected her. I also kept my feelings to myself because I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I later then opened up to her and told her my feelings remained the same for her. She then went NC again. (She had her reasons I will explain later) 1 month passed again, and she randomly texted me, and then went NC. 2 more months passed and she texted me again. I always kept in touch with her. At some point she asked me if I was on campus, and I was but I flaked on her this time cause I was talking to another girl. 4 months passed (I broke up with my ex) she randomly texted me again, she went NC after. I decided I should switch things around so I messaged her.

 

Today after awhile I asked her how she was and she told me she has been really busy. With school in work. Always being sweet to her as I have been since day 1 offered my help to help her with school, I saw her today and it's still the same as it was since I saw her long ago awkward silences and such, somewhat of physical contact was involved cause I would huh her randomly. I admit, when I was driving home I've noticed my feelings were still there, but I had low self esteem cause in my mind I thought I had no chances with her anymore. I felt she was to good for me. In my mind I think she is the most amazing women I had encountered in my life. We have so many similarities it just feels like a mirror of myself. All those times of her not communicating with me is because she works 2 jobs full time and goes to school hardly has time for herself. I honestly don't know what to make of it or what to do.