2 Years Down The Drain

[JagzOrDaFlash]

This is my story.

My exgirlfriend and I have been broken up for a month now. I found out later that the last 4-6 months of our relationship she was cheating on me with several guys behind my back. I’m so angry and sad at the same time, it’s getting easier everyday but it the feelings of wishing I never met her get harder and harder with every stupid memory that flashes in my head. I don’t know who to be upset at, my ex, or myself. I feel so played, so betrayed. All those last 6 months she lied to me, to my face. Saying she loved me, cared for me, and would never leave. I wish I never met her. I have this sick disgusting feeling every time I think about her because of all the cheating she did to me. Idk if I will ever forgive her, idk if I’ll ever be able to not hate her until the day I die. I’ve never cheated on any of my exes, this is the first time this has happened to me. Worst part is, she don’t even care about that she did it. I’m trying real hard not to lose hope in relationships and love.

 

I know I deserve better, I know that there are way better girls out there for me. My mind now is starting to think about our relationship in the beginning and how it was so good, but then it just makes me mad because I feel like she was to me even then because I never saw this cheating coming. I saw our relationship ending, but not the cheating. I honestly don’t know which is better and how faster I would be moving on. Her cheating on me den breaking up with me, or her just breaking it off. Which she did, I didn’t even find out that she did all that to me I finally got her to tell me. This feeling is so annoying and it hurts so badly. I just can’t believe it; I can’t believe I let myself get played so much. I can’t believe I put all of me and everything into our relationship only to get the worst part of it all. Another thing is, even if she does come back which I highly doubt it. I feel like I won’t be able to resist her and getting back together with her, again if and highly doubting that she does come back. I always fought against fate and destiny, we both saw that we weren’t meant to be together but I didn’t care I wanted her to be the one.

 

It pisses off that she’s just so happy and I’m literally in hell. It pisses me off that even though we weren’t meant to be and even if she did come back I know that it won’t last long. It pisses me off that even if she did come back; I know she won’t be able to commit 100% into making it work with me. That’s just how she is. She was sexual abused when she was a kid; her dad wasn’t there when she was small. The very worst part of it all is that she ex bf before and AFTER me is the one who would physically abuse her. I’m talking like cutting her with glass, pushing her, and even choking her. How could she leave me to be with him? We were together for 2 whole years. 1 Year is a long time, and then we leave together for another year. I’ve cried only a couple times because soon after I start getting mad, at her, at myself because of everything that’s happened. I feel hopeless and dead inside.

She told me “I’m sorry, I ed up, don’t be afraid to live your life for yourself”. What kind of ing bull is that, that just hurts me even more? It shows me yeah a little bit that she cares, but it’s just not enough. I just can’t believe anybody could just throw away 2 years and I’ve heard of more of history down the drain. It’s like she never really loved me or cared about me enough to make it work no matter what. Promises down the drain. It’s like she was just one big fat lie. And it hurts me so much to my core, even though I try not to show it and have already felt better at time talking to people about it. It kills me so much.

 

This is my first post of many that I will be posting as I came accross this website looking for advice and support. I will definitely be doing the same for everyone else would appreciate any kind of feedback from anyone. Heartbreaks suck, liars and cheaters suck even worse.

[sharky988]

I agree, there's nothing worse than a cheater or being cheated on. Nothing.

 

It honestly sounds like your ex has some serious issues she needs to work through, and she's not really going to be happy -- alone or with anyone else -- until she gets to the root of her problems. Many people who are victims of childhood abuse continue to re-enact the abuse as adults if they don't get help, that's just part of the psychology there. What she's doing right now probably has much more to do with her and her childhood trauma than it has to do with her feelings for you.

 

Two years feels like a long time right now, but in the grand scheme of things you're going to have relationships that last much longer and are much deeper and more fulfilling to you. Don't think of this as "time wasted" -- you've learned a lot, and your future relationships are going to benefit from the lessons and experiences you've had.

 

It's good that you've found this site -- keep posting and keep reading through threads, there's lots of great advice here! Also check out FlyingPiggy's guide below, she's got some great stuff there.

 

Welcome!

[DeviousOne]

I know RIGHT now you feel the way you do and NO ONE deserves this to happen to them however be THANKFUL that this happened its a learning experience it sucks i know you feel angry, sad, stupid, you may even start to think why did she cheat on me what you couldve done for her NOT to do that.

 

Well to be HONEST a person that decides to cheat and then LIES to another person saying they love you being fake ect there was NOTHING you could've done differently so dont beat yourself up over it obviously she is an insecure girl that NEED male attention from anywhere she can get it.

 

You may think shes happy hell she may even think she is happy but shes not its all a front i dated a psycho like this in the past so i can relate to what you went thru and everything your feeling right now however Karma is a b**** and what goes around comes around. The best thing you can do is pray for her you should feel bad that she has to be a to make herself happy and she needs to cheat to feel like she is relevant.

 

The BEST thing you can do for YOURSELF is MAN UP focus on you I KNOW your feeling low right about now maybe even thinking you wont find anyone else and may even fear this will happen again to you. Dont like this evil chick win its NOT going to be easy to pick yourself back up and move on from this but im telling you from experience your going to have to do it and i promise you in the long run your going to be better off because of it and this whole situation you will be able to look back on it and be thankful because this is going to be the ONLY and LAST time your ever going to allow yourself to feel this way and this happening to you.

 

Your going to think about it NO DOUBT however THINK about YOURSELF not what this did and why she did it ect ect... this about how your hurt and how LOW your feeling make that your fuel to help build yourself back up, grow, and learn from what you have just gone thru.

 

Its not easy im not gonna lie but thats what you MUST do. You KNOW you deserve better however at this time you dont think you can find better and thats complete BS because you can.

 

Less thinking about the relationship and more focus on getting back on your feet emotionally because thats the MOST important thing you deserve. PIECE OF MIND and being happy with yourself you can never be happy with anyone else until you are happy with your bro