My depression is killing me and I need an end

[WadeCure]

This is going to be a difficult, difficult post. I'm back here again. I'm at rock bottom. I just can't take it anymore, my world crumbles every single day and I just can't cope anymore. If I don't get an end soon then... God I just don't know what to do.

 

Of course, like an idiot, like an idiot I checked my mail that I shouldn't have checked to see if my ex had anything to say for my birthday since all of the strange behavior as of late with her friend mentioning her and asking me questions as if to get a reaction. She did not e-mail. It is evident that I am living in some fantasy world fantasizing of reunion scenarios that just won't happen. So I got a taste of love and now my heart longs for it. I just don't know who or how can it happen. I'm a "nice guy" but not a needy one. Throughout all my urges to contact my ex I remained NC after she NC'ed first. I just don't know if I can get over her, my heart is too tender. I fall too easy too fast and I fall out of love too slow and too hard. It's been many months and it seems stupid to still be in this mentality.

 

Furthermore my dear closest friend whom I met online is depressed and she is so dear to me and I absolutely adore her and she's in a position in which I feel helpless except to give my support for her. I want to fly to her and be there with her to comfort her but I can't because I have no money.

 

I'm doing miserably in school because I lack motivation and care for anything. All I have my mind on is on my suffering and it seems so selfish and self-piteous I know. I'm trying to think of all the positive things but they just aren't carrying weight like they should be. Instead all I can think of are the things that are broken and/or not there.

 

I have went to psychiatrists and psychologists, nothing has worked. I don't know if anything or anyone can help me except God. God hasn't came through yet. I'm starting to lose faith and hope. All that's keeping me going is my family and my friends.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to express how I feel as you can see.

 

This year has been so very painful to me and I am tired of nightly crying myself to sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me. I care so much about myself, I don't have low self-esteem or anything like that I don't think. I just don't live anymore even though I'm alive.

 

I'm sorry in advance.

[Jimbo10]

Friend

 

The lord works in the most mysterious ways. Don't lose hope guy. Everything on this earth is a test of strength. Your stugling, but you hafta learn to survive. Overcoming your problems when they are so major is never a quick fix! Take your time. Family is the most important thing you have in this world. Get involved in your church, and community. Focus on a job, and family. Get yourself into the dating world. One ex gf can't drag you down, your a strong man.

 

We gocha back bro. You need to talk, and can't think of anyone; PM me!

[Iceman26]

Have you ever listened to that song "Whats my age again?" by Blink182? I think it nails what its like to be 23 to a T.

 

I went through the same kinds of things when I was 23, you are making that transition to becoming someone responsible, people are changing in your life, friends and lovers come and go, etc. I was depressed and didnt know where my life was going to go and who was going to be with me on my journey through life, I was unhappy with everything.....my girlfriend at the time, my job, problems in my family, etc.

 

I pulled myself out of the funk I was in, but it took some time, and I am a happier person today.

 

You need to focus on what is, not what isn't. Count your blessings, as my grandmother would call it. Everytime you get down, remind yourself of all the good things that you are, and all the good people you have in your life that love you for who you are. Knowing these things helped me through the dark times of my life.

 

When you concentrate on yourself, and what makes you happy, then love will again find you. First however, you need to love yourself.

 

Honestly, the only one who can really help you is you, all the psychiatrists and psychologists in the world will tell you that.

 

I can sympathize with your rough year, this is the worst year I can remember having in a long time.....but you know what? 2005 is right around the corner. You need to find those changes that need to be made and change them so you will be happy again.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[vanilla_princess]

first of all, happy belated birthday!!!

Jimbo is completely correct. we all have our ups and downs, its just that the downs are always much, much harder to get thru. it is never easy to get over a break up (believe me, i know, i had to get over one...five days of non-stop tears) but consider it this way: if you risk hooking up, you also risk breaking up. its part of the process.

try getting involved in something new, channeling your energy into a different direction. who knows, you may find something you completely love to do. then, your motivation for other things will come back naturally.

 

as for your depressed friend, just sticking by her and giving her your undying support can be more helpful than you think.

 

it'll be ok.