heyguys Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 IS it possible for an ex to still call everyday and nite to say good night, say he loves you, you guys spend lots of time together, still make plans for the future, etc. but say he cant be with you right now. We were together for 2 yrs, then after of yr apart started dating exclusively. We arent ready yet for eachother, but we know we love eachother in the mean time. He isnt dating anyone, but he probably would if it came up b/c we arnt together. DOes that mean he doesnt really love me. We both dated others when we were aprt that first year b/c we didnt know wed get back together. But now he says we prob will get back together ....someday, just not now. WEll I doubt if he really loves me by the way he acts (not getting back together with me) rather than saying other thigns. I mean I can FEEL he loves me..just not sure what hes thinking i guess SOme insight or ideas would be great... Link to comment
marijo2480 Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I think only the two of you know best. You need to be upfront and ask. Otherwise, you'll never know and will always wonder if he's seeing someone else. Good luck! Marie Link to comment
heyguys Posted November 30, 2004 Author Share Posted November 30, 2004 Assume he isnt seeing someone now, but might later if it happens, what does it say about us? Considering we hang out and talk as much as we do? Link to comment
marijo2480 Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 It says that both of you are confused and don't really know what you want. You either get in or get out of a relationship. There's no in between. He's either with your or with the "other" girls. You need to put the cards out on the table. Either you're exclusive or you're not. Don't know what other way to put it. Link to comment
heyguys Posted November 30, 2004 Author Share Posted November 30, 2004 Thanks for ur input marijo. I guess I am afraid of giving him an ultimatum by saying youre either with just me and only me, or nothing. Since hes not dating anyone else right now, i guess thats why im still here. I mean, I know what I want...Ive always wanted him. But whether I stay his "friend" or not, thats what I need to pick once and for all, if he doesnt choose to commit to only me. I guess Im afraid of losing him permantly.... Link to comment
cassiana Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 When it comes to all relationships I think of that phrase in Jerry Maguire. "Show me the money". In other words, no looks or nods or whatever mean a damn unless they ask you out or back etc. I do it myself, we all do but at the end of the day the bottom line is the only thing that has meaning are other peoples actions, not their words or their good intentions, rather their actions. Link to comment
marijo2480 Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Ha, if a man isn't willing to commit to you he's simply not worth it. Don't be afraid of his response. You know what, actually, I think you need to be the one to tell him "Hey, I want us to be friends...just friends!" and let him go. I certainly am not getting good vibes from him from what you're telling me! Marie Link to comment
heyguys Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Well based on my own intution and help for you guys and friends....I am attempting this no contact thing. Its really hard though because I love him so much. I have done no contact with him before, and sure enough a year later he wanted me back. I didnt make it hard for him at all, because I loved him and missed him. If the past is any indicator of the future, he may (or may not) come back. I guess I need to prepare myself, but not expect him to come back either. If he does, though, should I refuse him altogether or refuse and simply make him work harder to express to me he really is in it for good this time and really does want to be with me. I know in my heart I can always see myself with him. But I guess he knows how much I love him. For the mean time I will take care of my needs, school , grad school apps, family, etc. But I know the day will come, and I dont know what I should do or say?? Link to comment
marijo2480 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I think you're on the right track. If he comes back, play hard to get for a little bit. Us girls need to be somewhat of a challenge. Guys like that stuff! I personally am NO challenge really. I just tell it like it is. If I like the guy, I will let him know, if I'm falling for the guy, I'll let him know too. I know what you mean though. When I fall, I fall hard and I'm definitely sweet, nice, romantic, you name it. But in your case hun, you need to let the relationship go. It's not on the right track. Who knows, you may think you love him now and time will make you realize that it wasn't that at all. I have always had guys come back trying to get me back after they've realized what they had. By then, it's too late. It's a good feeling though to know that you were the one that moved on to better things while they're still mourning their screw ups. Stay strong and do this. You know it's the right thing to do! Take care okay. Marie Link to comment
heyguys Posted December 5, 2004 Author Share Posted December 5, 2004 SO the contact thing didnt go over well. I had bought us tickets for the ucla v. USC game a long time ago, and the game was yesterday. SO I know I could have given someone else the tickets but they were special anf I really wanted to take him, and he wanted to go to (duh). Well anywaywe go and had a fun time. As fun as we could. He only had 2 hrs of sleep the night before, he works the graveyard shift. ANd yesterday he came right afterwork and the game was early so he had no nap. I took his tiredness personally, I felt like he coulda tried to have more fun, but he was irritable and just not really in a good mood. Of course I keep pushing him with questions, which is frustrating for him, he said he was just tired? SO then I get in a bad mood. He then asked me what was wrong adn after saying nothing and nothing, I snapped "YOU are whats wrong" The whole rest of the drive back he didnt talk to me and was just staring out the window. I know I shouldnt have snapped, but I was mad he wasnt trying to have a good time. WHe we got back to my apt he just sat on the couch,didnt want to eat or talk...just watch t.v. I hated the tension and tried make it better by saying sorry and trying to hug him and kiss him and he wkept resisiting. He told me to stop that he didnt want to be touched, but I kept pushing and saying I was sorry we didnt have fun and that I was giving him a hard time. He said he was ready to go home and sleep. But I didnt want him to leave until I made thigns better. SO I pushed more. ANd he said thats why he broke up with me..because I "dont know when to stop" this was reall y hard for me to accept, but I guess its true and I can "bug" when all he needs is some rest, or even time alone from me to think. I started to cry b/c I was hurt that I can bug and annoy him. He finally, after the whole day, came and hugged and kissed me and said he was sorry and he was sorry for not budging and beign difficult. I felt fine but confused so was I doing the right thign by kissing him and asking him to feel better, or was he beign stubborn. ALl I know is I hate when we argue because I really "miss him" during that time. Things are distant and cold. As far as us getting back together, he says thats the only reason hes back in my life to take thigns slow. He isnt dating anyone else because bringing someone else in to the picutre wont help "us". Wel thjese are our time s to get better, and we just seem to still argue about silly things. I love him and dont wanna lose him. How can I give him more space when he needs it and be more understanding? Link to comment
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