Joanne85 Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Hello everyone, I have been trying to deal with the death of my sons father almost 3 years now. Everyone kept saying its going to get better and easier to cope with but its not. I find myself looking at my son and seeing his father there, I find myself hating his father. I feel like he abandoned us here, and left me to do everything alone. I am 19 years old and I feel like I am alone in this world, like I am in a black tunnel and see no light nowhere. Like I have nobody to lean on. I get so frustrated sometimes. Like today a picture of me and my sons father was on the wall, I found myself breaking the picture telling him I hate him for everything he has put me threw and everything I still have to deal with in the near future, like explaining to my son where his father is, and why he did it. Its becoming to much to deal with. He is the one man that I thought would always be there for me, that I was comfortable with. Now I am alone in this world with a beautiful son, that I cant even look in the eyes for the pain its going to cause me of seeing his father in him. Now don't get me wrong, I totally adore and love my son more than anything in this world and would not trade him for nothing but it still hurts. Will my pain ever end????? Will I get over the anger I feel for his father and the hate I have for him???? I have just gotten into a new relationship with someone and I am falling in love with him, but I try to space myself from him, cause I am scared I will lose him, maybe not to death but just in general. I don't know what to do, I am just so confused. IM not going to lie I have thought about suicide myself, but I love my son and me to much for that. It just seems like the easy way to end all my pain. I don't want to live the rest of my life hating him or feeling empty inside. Please someone help me, tell me what you think I need or should be doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment
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