What would you do or think if your Boyfriend did this?

[RogueBoi1]

Hi,

Once again my BF and I are having trust issues again. I'm 24 and my BF is 51 but he doesn't look it at all. He as an AMAZING body. When I met him( 2 years ago) I thought he was in his mid 30's. So that gives you a pretty good picture of how good he looks. The last time we had a fight about him taking naked pics of himself at home with his camera. I was basically told to accept it or leave(out of the relationship). He says he doesn't remember but he promised he wouldn't share them on the internet so I figured, ok. It was either accept it and share in it with him or have him hide it and lie to me. Now correct me if I'm worng but aren't BOTH partners in the relationship supposed to be honest and open with each other. Well, sometimes I would ask him if he took pics that day because I liked them too. He would tell me to check on the computer but then other times he would say I was invading his privacy and looking around on his computer for them. He's sending mixed signals and its confusing me.

Now for the most recent problem, like I said my BF is far more older than me. Friday, I came home(we recently moved in together) and was supposed to cut the law. Well, I went in the house and was going to check my e-mail(like I do every singal day). I moved the mouse cause the screen saver was on and a box with and e-mail appeared that said "Hey man I like your pics." Well it said a lot more stuff but I didn't read anymore of it(I respected his privacy and left it at that). I thought "you son of a b$%^&h, you are sharing your pics". So I went to the site and looked up his screen name and low and behold, there were pics of him which his cock hanging out and pics of just his cock but the face was all blurred out. So then I clicked on his messages from the site and there were a lot more messages to him. Now before you think I invade his privacy, I didn't read them I just wanted to see if he had any. The only reason I know what he talked about in one of them is because one sentence in one of them said something about his property in Wisconsin. I told him that that is all I read of his messages because when the screen came up, that is where my eyes were at. I didn't go in intentionally to read them it just happened that my eyes looked on to that. and that is the honest truth. What hurt me the most is that in his profile he put that he was 31(I could care less about that) and that he was SINGLE and looking for friendship and 1 on 1 ENCOUNTERS.

So from all that I got that he was sharing naked pis of himself and he was chatting(or e-mailing them) with other gay men. When I called him and confronted him on it he laughed like it was a joke or something. He said it was a "game" and that I should make a big deal out of it because the profile was all a lie anyway. He just blew it off and he expects me to except it. What does he want to get out of that? He said he likes to hear that hes still hot and cute. I tell him that he is every day. Just me( a 24 year old man) wanting to be with him should tell him that. But it's made me feel like I'm not enough for him, like there is something wrong with me.

I have a profile on a different site(which he gave me trouble about cause I was looking for friends on the internet) that says that, I am monogomusly coupled and I even say I have a boyfriend. I'm looking for friendship and conversation. I have three pics on there all G rated. I told him when I joined the site and usually tell him that I've been on it and have chatted with guys. I've been honest and told him guys have asked to meet me for sex and even offered to be my "sugar daddy". I told him that when guys ask me for that stuff, that I tell them I have a boyfriend.I met one guy on there(which I told my bf) who is really nice and has common interests that I have. One night I was at the book store and he called, said he was in the neighborhood and asked if we could meet. I said sure. We were in a public place, lots of people, absolutely no chance of anything sexual happening. We met, talked about X-Men most of the night. He asked if I still had a BF and I told him "yes" and he respects that. He doesn't hit on me, he doesn't flirt with me, he respects my relationship with my BF. I told my BF that I'd like to be friends with this guy and I even wanted to introduce them to each other but my BF is jealous over it. I don't have feeling for this other guy other than friendship. He says my demeanor has changed since I met this other guy, maybe it has but its because this guy is my first gay friend that I can talk about gay stuff with.

Now my BF has locked me out of his computer(cause that is the only one at the new house) because he thinks I'm snooping in it. I promised him that I wouldn't do that again along time ago and I've kept that promise. I didn't go on his computer looking to snoop. HE'S the one that didn't log out and left the site open to get messages and since it is a PUBLIC site to view photos than I had a right to go look at his profile. Now maybe I was wrong to see if he got any e-mails but I honestly saw that he got some but I swear I respected his privacy enough not to read them. When I called him on it, he tried to say that he didn't chat with anyone. So even when he was caught, he was still trying to lie to me.

I guess I'm just trying to get some advice on what to do. Should I accept his lame excuse? We've talked already and aggreed not to share naked pics on the internet. But he's already damaged my trust in him again. I don't like going to work and having to worry about what hes doing. I'm not trying to be controlling, I just want him to share his day with me and vice versa. I want to share my day with him, I want to include him in my day. I just wish he felt the same way. Again, I may have been wrong to see if he had any e-mail from other guys, but he broke my trust when he shared the naked pics(blurred face or not). He chose to hide that he had a profile on and was sharing naked pics of himself but at the same time gave me s**t for having a profile that said looking for JUST friends. When I found out that HE was sharing naked pics on line, I chatted with a couple guys and I posted a couple naked pics of myself. But I told them I had a boyfriend at the same time. Unlike his profile which said he was SINGLE, that really hurt me. Like I was nothing to him or just a convenience. Next time I saw him I even told him I did it. Partly in retaliation and partly cause I wanted to be honest with him. He said it was different than what he did because I had already had a face picture on there which has be there since I signed up with the site. He says it different cause he blurred his face. I told him " no it isn't". He blurred his face cause he doesn't want anyone who might know him to recognize him. I don't care if anyone recognizes me. The difference is that, HE posted naked pics, HE said he was single, HE said he was looking for sex. I may have had a face pic when I posted my naked pics but I never once took out that I was monogamously coupled and just looking for friendship.

I'm having a hard time trusting him now. How do I know he's not hiding anything else? How do I know he isn't f**king around on me? It's always in the back of my head now that he's hiding something else or lieing to me. Any advice would be appreciated and thank you ahead of time.

ROGUE

[sonny1471]

I dont' want to go into too much detail but last night I just discovered that my boyfriend has a whole folder of naked pics of himself. We've been dating for four months and I've never really had cause to worry about anything in the past but recently things just haven't been "right" if you know what I mean. He told me he took a picture of his butt (and showed it to me) and he told me he was going to keep it to "cheer him up" when he was down about how he looks. He looks fine, if you ask me. I snooped on his computer (I know it was wrong) and found this folder. There were tons of pics of him in different poses and showing EVERYTHING. I don't know if he's sharing these or not but my gut feeling tells me he is. I guess we're kinda in the same boat.

 

As for what you should do? I guess since you already have had a conversation about this in the past, you should probably bring it up again and explain how you saw what you did. Don't accept the excuses if you know they aren't true. Get the truth.

 

So here's my question to you and everyone else out there, what should I do? Do I confront my boyfriend (whom I love with all my heart) about what I found? I'm sure he'd be angry that I was snooping on his computer but I think I was justified after what I found. Ugh, I just don't know what to do about it. Any ideas?

[rufus]

I've been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for a couple years. We're both in our early 20s. Three things I've seen on the computer:

 

1.) He forgets to erase the temporary files; I type in the first letter of a site, and personals URLs scroll down. Pics of penises in the area. Not mine.

 

2.) In-your-face pics of his private parts in personals on the Web. And other people signing his guestbook with proposals for pic trading and sex, commentary about his penis, etc. Of course, he's got a red-hot package.

 

3.) In some personals, he identifies himself as single. And in one, he and an unknown top (I'm a bottom) want guys in the area to e-mail them to have "some fun." This scares me. Did he cheat on me?

 

4.) Now he has a Web cam. It's been a while now. I tell him I want to film us in action, but we haven't. So what's the cam for? Hmm.

 

I confronted him several times but quite a while ago; He always managed to come up with a quick, half-baked list of excuses and denials and explanations. Some of them were far-fetched. I'd have to be an idiot to believe him. Yep, I was. And then he always got mad at me for snooping and threatens to block me from using the computer.

 

I am gullible, so I believed the things he told me. Yeah, I'm gullible. Too gullible. It sickens me. And right now, I just found out for certain without a doubt that was LYING all along. I'm sure of it now because I did some more digging. Now I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

 

I love him. I have never never cheated on him. I avoid even the opportunity to cheat on him. He is my fantasy. But what the hell am I? I can't ignore this, but I can't bring up old stuff either. Do I wait for him to screw up again before I confront him? Actually, I'm completely at a loss. I just want him to be honest. It was he who wanted a strictly monogamous relationship in the first place. Any advice?