Jump to content

my girlfriend cannot have an orgasm


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I'm new to this website, so I'm hoping that I'll get a few replies, feedback, advice from any of you.


Well, my girlfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. However, I've never been able to give her an orgasm. I tried many things, but it just wouldn't work. So I thought that it might be me, then recently she admitted that she has never ever orgasm in her life (she's 27). She felt so ashamed to talk about it that it made me feel guilty for asking. I was only trying to figure out how we could get around the problem.


I suggested that we used a dildo (although that didn't quite appeal to me), I just thought that maybe penetration might work for her. Then again she reminded me that although she has been with a man before, she found penetration uncomfortable and that didn't make her come either. She never orgasm with her previous girlfriends either.


She enjoys lovemaking and take pleasure when I give her oral sex. She gets excited, but simply cannot get to the next level. She doesn't get wet and can't come.


At times I find it very frustrating. I'm starting to feel that there's no point making love if I'm gonna be the only one to come. I'm fed up of being the only one who give myself to her. I mean having an orgasm is a very personal thing. You are baring yourself totally in front of someone; you allow yourself to be vulnerable. It feels awful not to get it back from the person I love. I love her so much and I don't want to lose her because of that. I know it's hard for her; she feels pressured, I know that. I can't even sleep around 'cause I love too much to cheat on her just for the sake of an orgasm.


Sex isn't everything in a relationship, I know, but it means a lot to me. If any of you can relate to my story or if you've got any advice on how to give an orgasm, please do reply.





Link to comment

Something to keep in mind here, is that most women are used to not having regular orgasms. Most women that I know cannot reach climax from penetration alone either. Men can't understand this usually, because they come EVERY time! We don't. It's usually no big deal either, but can be if it becomes an habitual thing.


What a great guy you seem to be! I really like that you care so much about her pleasure that you have actually come here to get some advice. She's one lucky girl I tell ya!


This might sound crude to you, what I am about to suggest, but it may be the only way that she is going to find out how she can have an orgasm. She probably has to do it alone the first time, then manually when you have sex together. PLEASE don't take this as something personal; that you are not adequate or that you are doing something wrong (or not doing the right things). I can pretty much guarantee you that her problem is completely psychological and she will probably have to do some "exploration" by herself.


One thing that sent up a red flag, and is worth looking into/ discussing, is the fact that she does not get wet. This is not normal, and might actually be a health-related issue that she should discuss with her doctor. Some women experience hormone imbalances, and vaginal dryness can be a result of that. Has she ever been checked out?

Link to comment

My ex has a similar problem with dryness which led to pain and irritation then to frustration and her crying which led to saddness and she would get mad etc....


This was a big problem and caused us to move apart eventually bringing it to an end. (not saying the whole problem - but frustration enough for her to be crooked about it causing some tension)


We did go to the doctor alot about this, never got fully fixed.

Link to comment

Thanx for the useful advice OceanEyes. About the dryness thing, Ill try and get her to see a doctor, although I already know that she'll refused, she'll be embarrassed. But I'll insist and see where this gets us.


I've asked her a few times to try and masturbate, but she's totally agaisnt the idea. She said that she's never done it (don't know if that's true or not) and she not comfortable doing in front of me. Well, I'd be happy if she'd at least try without me in the room.


Now one important thing. I just realised that I omitted to mention that I'm a lesbian. Like I said I'm new here, so only just noticed that there's an LGB section. Well, doesn't matter anyway. Orgasm is orgasm whether it's gay or straight.


Thanks for your replies.

Link to comment

Hi Mr Lonely


Thanks for reply. See, this is what I'm talking about, the "growing apart" scenario. I would hate that to happen. Like yesterday we talked about ti and today I could see the sadness in her eyes. It was painful. Even the flowers I offered her didn't quite do the trick.

Link to comment

Yeah it sucks.


We started our very well and for the past 6 months - no go. Somtimes it would be great, but others it would start fine and then she would get dry and we would have to stop. Lube would not work either, it make her hurt more.


She is very stubborn and me telling her to go to the doctor just didn't work until i had to get mad at her to go. She was always uncomfortable about talking with her doctor as well.


It did put a serious strain on our relationship - even subconsiously.


The fact that she wouldn't do anything about it is not my problem. I told her we could skip sex for as long as we need, and i would still love her and be there. That didn't matter, she left anyway.


BTW - I did get tested for everything and came back clean. The doctor she did see gave her a perscription for a UTI, which it is not! Only in the last week of us being together did she make an appointment with an OBGYN, and i had to basically threaten her if she didn't do it, since it was for her own health.


Bottom line - get her to go to the doctor and not be afraid to talk about it.

Link to comment

I had the opposite problem in a way with my boyfriend -- I would get wet but wouldn't experience any satisfaction. So sometimes he would be all happy and I wouldn't haev the heart to tell him that I felt nothing really. Does this mean there's something wrong with me? I don't feel anything when masturbating either, and I don't think I've ever reached orgasm. And reading other posts people say that their gf make pleasurable noises when masturbating or having oral sex, but I'm just not turned on by either. It's weird though because my body is reacting but yet I feel nothing mentally. I also often never enjoyed doing anythign physical with my bf but could this be beacuse I wasn't physically attracted to him? (although at the time I was attracted to him in other ways; i.e. personality, etc.?) I don't know. I'm just sorta worried that my next boyfriend will get hurt if I'm not satisfied & will have to pretend I am like I did with my last boyfriend (who ultimately didn't seem to care that much. Even sometimes when it was obvious I wasn't satisfied & I told him outright I wasn't enjoying oral or whatever, I just 'wasn't in the mood for it', he would insist on pretending because I could never get the real thing, so why not just try?)


I don't want to do that though. I almost feel cheated because I'm only pretending to be pleasured, and haev to pretend to enjoy pleasuring my bf when I'm not enjoying it. Now i've broken up with him btw, so it's not so much an issue but since he was my first bf I don't really know what the reasons are? I wasn't physically abused or anything like that..

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...