Scared

[Strandysmommy]

I am scared to get into another relationship. There are a couple of options, both of whom are from personal ads. I am terrified of getting into an abusive relationship, not that I have been in one before, but as I learned from my last one; you think you know a guy...

 

What can I do to...I don't know, make myself NOT scared of abuse. Not scared of being crushed...I know being crushed is something one risks anytime they get into a relationship, but is the fact that I am scared of it and abuse proof yet that I am most certanly not ready to go back out and meet people?

[Blue Skittles]

Hey - don't rush yourself into anything that you do not feel comfortable with. It sounds like you are feeling really uneasy about dating and getting into a relationship right now, so why not enjoy the single life?

 

Also, you can still date people, and see other guys now and then without getting into a relationship. Just make yourself busy, or at least appear busy, and schedule a few dates into your schedule, but don't give them a chance to get close unless you feel that they are the right guy and you feel like you are ready for the relationship.

 

Once you get yourself out there and date a couple people you might start feeling a little more comfortable, and when you meet the right guy YOU will know.

[jbutterfly2020]

It does sound like you aren't ready for dating just yet. So don't be looking for prospects in those ads. I think that you should go out with groups of friends and just enjoy life.

 

Many people are afraid of catching the wrong type of guy including me. It is really hard to trust new guys because they could be dangerous but putting on a nice front. But when you do meet a guy, just try to enjoy it with out too many worries. Just make sure your close friends are watching out for you.

[kungfumaster]

Dear Strandysmommy,

 

I agree with every poster above. You are definitely not ready yet to get in a serious relationship - what why does it have to be serious. For now, just try to build relationships that will help you heal - casual dating with no expectations help alot - that's the key word - no expectations! If you mention this right up front to people you are casually dating - then it makes a world of difference, and people can't start enjoying each other without worrying about all the "pressures of a serious relationship". Build friendships for now (with both guys and girls) - they will help so much - trust me.

 

Once you have healed, or almost completely healed, then I think you won't be scared anymore of anything. Fear is a completely normal thing - the thing is, we have to turn that fear into something positive.

 

Take care.

Kung fu