What am I doing wrong? I can't help but to think I'm the problem...

[Lovestoned26]

Sorry for the long post...

 

I'm at a point where I'm careful about topics or reactions that I have because I don't want my gf to react in a negative way (stupid I know).

 

Yesterday my gf had car trouble & I tried to help by talking to her about it & weighing options & yada yada yada. She said she didn't care to discuss it cause she prefers to make decisions & think on her own. I said ok & call me later when she got back from the shop.

 

3 hours later I call to ask an important Q about a job app that she could help with since she works for the fed gov't. She didn't pick up. I assumed she was taking care of the car. 45 mins later I'm on Facebook & I notice she liked posts & commented on statuses at the exact time I called. No call back but she had her phone in her hand?

 

I called back & she picked up. She said she didn't see a missed call. Um we have iPhones & the notification is on every screen at the top of the phone icon. So I said, you're on FB liking statuses at the EXACT time I called but you didn't see it? She stuck to the I didn't see it BS.

 

Anyway, she said she'd call back & I said don't worry & she said ok. Didn't ask what happened or anything--but ok. Later that evening I called & asked if the shoe were on the other foot would she feel the same way I do & her answer was YES. But that was after she told me that whatever drama I was gonna start I would go through it on my own because she didn't want any part of it. I told her I wasn't looking to start anything I just had a question.

 

Fast forward, we normally talk every morning before work & I asked her what time would be a good time to talk & she told me that it's better if we didn't talk at all today. Although I was hurt, I asked her about her day & the car. She said it's not important & that I should have had compassion when I called her earlier instead of yelling at her--I never yelled.

 

In addition to the application I had something completely crappy happen to me that could possibly jeopardize my summer course & internship. She didn't care to ask me what happened. She still hasn't.

 

I'm not sure anymore...what am I doing wrong? I picked up my phone to call her to check up on her as usual but I don't know.

[indea08]

You honestly want to know what you're doing wrong?? Here it goes:

 

1. You flipped out because she didn't answer your phone call.

2. You're monitoring her facebook because if she can't answer YOUR call then she sure as hell shouldn't be on fb right?

3. You're playing mind games. She said she'd call you back you and you "don't worry about it" but you get mad that she didn't ask what was wrong.

4. You're in a routine. "we normally talk every morning before work." You're talking because it's part of the routine, not because you have something to say, and those convo's get old.

5. You're being self centered. You called to ask a question about an application? You knew she was busy handling the car situation, why did you need that information RIGHT THEN.

6. You're being overly dramatic. After all the yelling/fighting, you decide to add "oh and btw something happened that could possibly end my life."

7. As if ALL OF THIS wasn't enough, you still pick up your phone to call her and check up on her? LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE'S BUSY. If she wants to talk, she'll call you. My God, you are suffocating her! Your last sentence says "check up on her as usual".....AS USUAL? You usually call her just to check up on her!? That's ridiculous! Let her live her life. If you continue acting this way, she'll be gone before long.

[SpottiOtti]

I agree that from your description of your girlfriend's behavior, it sounds as though she feels smothered and has felt that way for some time. Her reactions are exaggerated, which usually means there's a lot under the surface that you aren't seeing.

 

Sometimes the push and pull of two different personality types can cause this type of situation. You seem to need more contact and reassurance that you two are still connected, and she seems to need less of it. Neither one of you are wrong for the way you feel about it, but you are very different. If you can find somewhere in the middle to meet, things might calm down for you.

[Lone She Wolf]

I totally agree with indea08 - you're suffocating her AND you're being extremely selfish. Everything is about YOU - if someone doesn't want to take your phone call, they shouldn't have to, period, end of story. You shouldn't try to control her. Then, to make matters worse, you drag her over the coals for doing something that is totally within her right to do.

 

And whatever happened to you that is so catastrophic, get over it - it's not her responsibility...your problems are NOT her problems. And besides that, whatever did happen to you, it is NOT that big a deal - children dying of starvation, tornadoes ripping through the midwest...that's something that's really crappy. Be grateful and think of others, maybe someone might answer your phone calls then.

[Lovestoned26]

Honesty is always the best policy...

 

It didn't occur to me that I may be suffocating her, however, it all makes sense after reading the replies. So I'll give her the space that she needs and ease up on the phone calls and everything else that may drive her farther away from me. My intentions aren't to aid in the demise of this relationship given that she literally is the love of my life.

 

I'm literally sitting here speechless because I just realized that being overbearing is actually what's wrong...

 

Thank you guys for being honest!!