Is there a way to leave toxic relationship & not become guilty at the same time?

[PrettyGood]

Let's assume that you are in toxic relationship where your significant other:

 

- always make huge arguments, making you feel scared

- constantly blame you for no fault

- is possessively jealous

- emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don't like

- gives you silent treatment when you stand up for yourself

- initially isolates you from your friends and family asking to stay every single day with him at home

- constantly reminds you of all the times you’ve screwed up

- always mocks your achievements

- denies his emotional abuse and asking you to change

 

One day your patience explodes and you decide to leave. At the time it coincides with some very important day (his birthday, your birthday, some important business meeting, exams at the university, graduation, etc.) which makes you think - if I leave him/her now, I will become the worst person in the world for doing it when he/she has already bought a luxury present for me (their "high card") or I will break emotionally because it's the most important date for me and I will be totally alone (single). To a person like me, it looks like a total nightmare and makes me delay the break up AFTER this important day. But after I also procrastinate because it would look that I only was with S/O because of the material purposes.

 

MY QUESTIONS:

 

1) Is the a right time to leave if there is a huge occasion coming soon (like same week)?

2) Is there a way to leave the relationship without automatically becoming guilty for leaving?

[Edmund Exley]

MY QUESTIONS:

 

1) Is the a right time to leave if there is a huge occasion coming soon (like same week)?

The right time is anytime after you determined that you have had all you can have.

2) Is there a way to leave the relationship without automatically becoming guilty for leaving?

There's no reason for assuming guilt. You have the right not to be emotionally abused. If you are an American, you have the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Time to pursue it.

[PrettyGood]

There's no reason for assuming guilt. You have the right not to be emotionally abused. If you are an American, you have the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

 

I'm not American and I'm talking more not about "guilty to leave" but when the significant other accuse you for leaving him/her and become guilty for destroying his/her life that day

[boodlebear]

i just went through the same thing. i was with my other half for 6 years and had a home and a child with him. I promise you the longer you wait the harder it gets to leave. you start to convince yourself that everything is ok and you start making excuses for everything,. you deserve to be treated exactly how you treat him. i was emotionally abused for 6 years and it takes alot out of you. i have never felt stronger after leaving. i left last week and his birthday is thursday. i spoke with his friends about arranging something for him but it will not be me doing it. you have no reason to feel guilty. you are not the one who did anything wrong. live your life for you and do whatever makes you happy. you can not live the rest of your life trying to please someone else because in the end you will be the one that gets hurt.

dump him and move on.

there is someone out there that will love you and treat you the way you should be treated.

[Edmund Exley]

I'm not American and I'm talking more not about "guilty to leave" but when the significant other accuse you for leaving him/her and become guilty for destroying his/her life that day

 

As they destroy yours. If you dont think you can leave without worrying they will make you feel guilty for destroying their life then it is definitely time to leave

[Blue_Skirt]

The best day to leave was yesterday really. If I were in a toxic situation like that, I would even leave on my own birthday, because from that day on I could celebrate my re-birthday.

 

I would not care about the luxury present, because that is emotional blackmail and you can’t buy me. All I would care about is my personal safety and my emotional well-being. If the other person would feel that their life is destroyed, well it’s the other person to deal with that feeling, those are not my feelings.

[laboheme]

Take that list of reasons for why your relationship is toxic. Frame it. Gift-wrap it. Open it on your birthday, or whatever that special occasion is. If you're feeling guilty about the present from your significant other, you don't have to accept it at all. And, as Blue_Skirt said, the best day to leave was yesterday.