From_Now_On Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Write me into your poetry Pencil me into your sketch Paint me into your masterpiece The colors are faded at best Capture me in your photograph Sing of me in your song Play me into your music The rhythm and beat just drag on But note me in your literature Act of me in your play Spin me into your dancing Then watch as it twirls me away Amazing kiss Timeless dreams A child's wish It means Nothing I am Nothing Piece me into your puzzle But soon you'll see I don't fit The boat has tossed me over The ocean? I'm trapped in it And as I drown I'm pulled further down Beautiful sorrow Not quite This pain doesn't feel poetic But I feel it rhyming In spite Of me But don't you see? It's not what it seems It's emptiness It means Nothing I am Nothing So if your page or canvas are blank If your picture has no face Your lyrics are missing passion Your notes have been erased When your novel has no story When your red curtain is closed and stuck Your dance has no form and You're left gambling on luck You realize jaded isn't poetry It's cherry-coated vacancy The mirage becomes so obvious Painful in it's emptiness Finally you've found something Or nothing really at all You stared into the darkness Now to name just what you saw It's better left unspoken Unwritten Unsung, unacknowledged by any form Don't look for the middle when the beginning is torn All there is is ending All that's left is wanting And wanting is just nothing When there's nothing left to win When you only have one way to victory And that's to just give in Link to comment
melrich Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 This is very good, I really like the theme. Keep working on it, probably a bit too long, I think you could lose the stanzas starting with "amazing kiss" and "as I drown...." they don't seem to fit the rythm of the poem and add little to it. Great work. Link to comment
troublegal05 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 wow...good job I really enjoyed reading it...hope to read more of your poems Link to comment
EmptySoul Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Great job. Tried to pick out my favorite stanza/line, but I really like the whole thing. Empty Link to comment
under_the_pressure Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I really do like it, but I have to say it is long. Maybe if you shorten it up like richgabe said, then it'd be great. But it is good. I don't think Amazing kiss Timeless dreams A child's wish It means Nothing I am Nothing that stanza fits. But who am I to say? I'm not. Keep writing. under* Link to comment
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