Oral Sex

[lil_mamarains13]

I don't really feel comfortable talking about this, but I don't really know what else to do. I have this problem with oral sex. I like it, but I feel that it is very degrading to women. I know this is just a mental thing and something drug in from a past relationship. The first time I had oral sex was with a pyscho, and he basically forced it on me. I don't know what to do, and I am afraid my relationship is going to suffer because of this. I feel horrible about it, but I was honest about it at the same time. I ask him to help me, and he is mad, and doesn't really want to. He just wants to drop it, and he said it will be something he just lives with. I am really upset about it, and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have some non crtizing advice for me. Thank you.

[dreamweaverdude]

Well i dont think anyone will criticize you precious... there is nothing wrong or dirtty about liking oral sex... and personally... maybe not being totally objective here.. dont think that if it is something you offer rather than something the guy takes.... it's not degrading.......

 

Degrading would be if he forced you......... if two partners agree on it..... it's kewl.....

 

The only thing I can think of is that he might think that you really dont enjoy it, but that you want to do it just to please him... and he may feel uncomfortable with that.. I would... If i really thought someone did something just for my enjoyment and they really didn't want to.. i'd not want to..... but that is me..........

 

So if this is something you really want........ show him somehow that you really WANT to do this... that it is not something JUST TO please him.. convince him that it NOW PLEASES you ..... and you want to do it..... I can't imagine him turning you down.

 

Others chime in.........

[Day_Walker]

You already know the root of your problem, your issues with oral sex have to do with past experiences with your ex. I dont believe that this is the only reason why you view oral sex the way you do. The only way you are going to be comfortable with oral sex is that if an environment is created so that you feel comfortable and it is something that you want to do instead of something you feel that is forced upon you. This is only going to take time and communication with your significant other.

[Switch187]

Well like the previous person said, there's nothing wrong with oral sex and it's not degrading if both partners want to do it. You may just be uncomfertable with it since what happened in your last relationship is really degrading and wrong (no one should be forced to do it). Your relationship won't suffer from it either, I've never heard of a couple breaking up (or having problems) because one partner doesn't like to perform oral sex. Also you said he gets mad, which is concerning. Is he mad that you don't like it, or is it that he's mad because he knows about what happened to you before? If he's mad that you don't like it, well then that is just something that he needs to live with, since not every women in the world is going to like/enjoy performing oral sex, and if he really loves you and wants to be with you, then that shouldn't matter to him at all anyways (love is not based on sex). If it's the latter reason, then it's a bit understandable. He may just feel like your still harboring feelings from a past relationship, which most guys get upset about. Every guy wishes that he could just wipe his g/f's memory of all the bad things that happened to her in the past, and when feelings about a previous relationship come up it's a bit upsetting (I know, me and my ex were together for 2 years, and one time about 6 months ago we were having some drinks and she started to cry saying she felt depressed since she was thinking about something an ex did to her, which made me mad because after 1 1/2 years I thought I had wiped all those things out of her head).

 

Like the previous person said to, he may just be a bit upset or fustrated since he feels that you perform oral sex with him even though you really don't like it. Which is also understandable. If he really cares about you, he wouldn't want you to do something that you really don't like. But if you do like it know (or in time) then you are going to have to prove to him that you really do like it, and that your not just doing it because you think it will make him happy. surprise him one day, it alwasy works. When me and my ex were together, we talked about oral sex and she didn't really like it, but was something that she preferred to wait on and see if it was right. Then one day she came over to my house, and while I was working on my computer she turned my chair and ripped my pants off. When I told her she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to, she just looked at me and smiled and said it was something she really wanted to do. From then on I knew that she did it becasue she wanted to do it, and the same went for me when I performed oral sex on her, I did it because I wanted to do it, which she knew and enjoyed.

[tiger_lilies]

I used to have the same hang ups about giving oral. I come from a really religious background and from seeing women give oral on porn movies etc, I used to think it was really degrading too.

 

But I decided to "lighten up" and give it a go! Turns out I love giving and receiving because of what it does for my partner.

 

What everyone else said above is correct. Being forced is totally disrespectful and down right rude! You can start out by trying slowly (don't worry about getting him off) and then work your way from there.

 

Ubove all, I suggest that you and your man have a long and honest talk about this. I hope that he is understanding and considerate to you about your feelings on this. My guess is that he is upset because he probably thinks that you find him repulsive since you are not willing to give. Correct him on this thinking. It's-not-you-but-me speech.

[lil_mamarains13]

Thank you all for the responses. It really helps me to know that there are other people out there like me. I always feel like I am a strange, and very unnormal person. I hate that feeling and it is frustrating to me. I know I need time with this, and I hope he understands that. I am sure he will because he has stood behind many decisions I have made, and some where not so good. He has been helpful, and loving and caring. I think I upset him because I caught him off guard with it, and he didn't know what to think. I kept hounding him and he wanted to drop it. I know it will come back up, and probably in a different manner. It will get better. I appreciate your responses and advice. Thanks so much.

[SweetGemini]

just a tip, whenever you go down there, think of his ??? as a mini version of him... stroke, caress, show him some loving just like you would with the rest of him... remember his ??? is just another part of his body...

 

there is nothing degrading about it when you love a person and want to do it.. as long as he does the same for you!!

[swordman]

Well, I hope you still read your oral sex issue because I have another tip for you. When it comes to oral sex, who else can tell you better than a gay guy like me. The fact about giving head to a guy is to remember that most guys--straight and gay-- like it. Obviously, your guy likes it to. The secrets of doing it good are try not to hurt him with your teeth; use your tongue to play with his, add a little passion--think that you're kissing him, and last one I got from my good friend from eNotAlone is to be a little bit selfish. Here is to enjoy it instead of caring what he likes. Do what you want to do with his. I hope this is not to hardcore. If this is not psted, maybe it is too XXX rate.