Round Two: Back Together!

[sunfirechick]

I just got back together with my boyfriend after being apart for two long months. I'd like to offer a little bit of insight for anyone and everyone as to all that I've learned during this difficult time. I can't even begin to describe how much this forum has helped me get to the point where I am today: I am the happiest girl in the world.

 

Long story short: My boyfriend broke up with me because, due to unavoidable circumstances, we had a major communication breakdown and we weren't talking about a lot of things that we should have been talking about. He is also 5 years older than I, and settling into his career, while I am just starting college, exploring career options. By the time I graduate, he will be ready to settle down. Most of the things we weren't talking about had to do with our future and these kinds of things.

 

Now, my first mistake was that I didn't think first about WHY this happened. I was more worried about the fact that it was happening, and that I needed to stop it. So I begged, called, emailed, everything. This led to the exchange of a few nasty emails from both of us, and we dug ourselves an even deeper hole.

 

Then I just stopped. No contact. I realized that this was never going to work out if I couldn't even think straight. So I took a step back, and I thought about it. I thought about it all of the time. It was different now though, because I was REALLY thinking about it, and I was surprised that I wasn't getting upset, and I didn't cry anymore. The difference was that in the beginning, I was crying my eyes out "thinking" about it. But in that state, I really wasn't thinking about anything, there was no thought process at all, just emotion.

 

I thought a lot about my life, as well. I thought about where I was, and where I wanted to be, and what I needed to do to get myself there. I thought about my career, my family, everything. My problem before was that I wasn't giving these things any SERIOUS thought, I was just living them and that's it.

 

Before I even contacted my ex, I made sure that I was comfortable and confident with myself and my life without him. It was important for me to learn these new things about myself in order to communicate effectively with him, and to really show him my love.

 

Now we've been back together (after many long talks, of course) for just two weeks now, and I must say that things are looking very good. We talk about everything, and it feels great that for the first time in what seems like forever, we are finally on the same page again.

 

For everyone that is going through a breakup:

I can't stress enough that you take this time and use it very wisely. Instead of calling, calling, and trying to pull your ex back, look at this as an opportunity to learn even more about yourself than thought was possible. Cry your heart out (we all have), and when you are able to put your emotions aside, think long and hard about your relationship, yourself, your goals, everything. You may be surprised at what you come up with, and you will be stronger and more confident for it. Only when you are sure you're ready, may you contact your ex.

 

Breaking up with someone you love takes a lot out of you as a person, and you need to get that back before you even think about trying again. Good luck to you all, stay strong and have faith that if it is meant to be, it will be.

[littlelaxer]

did u just start talking to your ex? or was he showing that he wanted to try again??

[Switch187]

Well that's good to hear that you two are back together, as well as your info on how to get your ex to "come back". That's were I'm at right now with my ex. I want her back so bad, but I know that if I don't give her some space and time then she will just get further away. I've spent the time thinking about my life and what I want, and I've established some goals and fixed somethings in my life that I didn't like (and things that I know she didn't like as well). Anyways, me and my ex are supposed to see each other at Church on Sunday, which would be a time where we can determine if things between us are workable or not. I'm confident now more than before that I can have a life without her, and I don't even cry anymore when I think about her or think about talking to her. So I guess I'll just see how things pan out. But thanks again for the little "ray of hope" during this time.