any chance?

[sassygirl]

Hi There,

I'm new here and I've been reading a lot of the posts. It makes me feel better to know I am not the only one going through this and to hear people eventually sound happier. I know everyone says to give the ex space and let him miss me. But I wanted to put out my story there and see what your honest opinion is on my chances. I'm having a hard time move on, bc i see so much hope in us getting back together. And if i'm just blind, I want people to tell me.

 

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me a week ago. He is 34 and I am 23. We had a great relationship, everyone said. The kind where we support each other and hung out like friends, cooked together, took walks together, were silly together. Everyone was shocked when i told them what happened. We fight sometimes. I am insecure and jealous but I had been working on it, telling him what made me mad, instead of yelling & running off. He works alot, bc he works for himself and he says his job is his priority. I have always supported him on that and never gave him trouble about his hours. He says his reasons for the break up are 1) the age thing. I get mad all the time, and he says it must be bc he's not giving me enough. He says we're at different places in our lives and he needs to start thinking about marriage & family and he's not sure if we have something to build for, or if i'm even looking for that, and scared that i'll get bored of him and leave him. He's pretty honest so i trust what he says are the reasons. he said 2) he works all the time and that will always be his priority and i should be w/ someone who can give me all the attention i deserve and 3) he says we have different interests, different friends. i feel like these are not valid reasons to break up. maybe something we need to talk about or work on.

 

he's right that i am young and i am not thinking about marriage right now, but if we stay together for a few years, i would definitely marry him. i guess my question for you guys is, is he breaking up with me bc he's afraid. his friends in the past have told me he's afraid of commitment and broke up with his previous girlfriend of 4 years, for no real reason. he also felt they were not in the right place & time. if he's afraid, how can i reassure him. or does he just not like me anymore or thinks i'm not the one? can some older guys out there talk about this? would you date someone younger? i know the age was always an issue to him. he said when he first met me he didn't take me seriously. but then he fell in love with me. is he still stuck on his initial fears?

 

even when he broke up with me, he said he wasn't 100% sure. he just thought this might be the best thing. he said he needs to get over his doubts about my age for this to work. he was calling me alot the first week to see how i was and at first i was emotional and kept trying to convince him. now we are taking some space apart, not talking & not seeing each other for a while. i'm going away on vacation for a week and i thought it would be a good time. but when i come back, i want to see if he's changed his mind.

 

he always said i was the smartest, prettiest, sweetest girl he ever knew. and that he still loves me and hopes we can be close friends. i think he's confused still. is there any chance he could get over his fears and miss me so much that he'll reconsider? please i would appreciate any advice or thoughts. Thanks

[char]

Sorry, but I think you are holding on to hopes that something will workout when it doesn't look like it will. It sounds to me very similar to my current position. It sounds to me that yes, he is very honest with you, but doesn't want to come right out and say that put simply, it is not going to work. You didn't say if you guys are living together. When someone breaks up with us when we are not ready to we tend to hold on to hope that everything will work out for what "we" think is best although what we have in mind as "best" is not exactly what our "ex" is thinking. My advice to you, is hang out with your friends 24-7, cry to them, go out, try to have fun, and look at this as a life lesson. He is right when he has said you deserve someone who can provide you with the attention you deserve. He has stated that work is number one priority in his life.....which leaves you..not number one in his life, do you really want to take a backseat to someones work? Would you do that someone whom you love?

[Klingsor]

While it doesn't sound like the reasons he gave were totally made up or invalid, they are not the thing to focus on. He could have worked through those reasons if he wanted to. The main point is that he doesn't want to be with you any more. The two of you could work through any number of reasons or problems, successfully, if you both wanted to, but he doesn't.

 

Though he is a bit confused right now, and he may change his mind next week, I wouldn't expect it to last.

[sassygirl]

Thanks for responding. It's hard to hear, but i know you guys are right. initially, i thought our relationship was perfect, but now that I think back, there were issues that kept coming up. He said that he didn't want to keep going back and forth. I wanted him to stay and work on things, but I also know that its hard to see what the issues are when you're in the relationship. I just kept figuring they would work themselves out. Now i know that you do have to work on them and I also know that him & I were just not meant to be.

 

He called last night to see if I wanted to hang out Tomorrow. I told him I was busy and that I really didn't want to see or speak to him. He asked forever or for a while? And i told him I needed time, for a while, that we can't just be friends now. I told him I'd call him in a month or two, and if he still wants to be friends, then maybe we can start again. I feel better today. I just needed to be pushed to move on.