Meisje Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Well I'm new here, so I'm hoping that I can get some advice or at least some opinions on this. I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can, but that will obviously leave out a lot of information, so maybe I can just add in the rest of the story as needed later... So the short of it is that my boyfriend of 1.5 years cheated on me BUT it was only one occasion. He didn't have another relationship behind my back, it was just one girl, one time. So he confessed in September (4 months after the act) and I was obviously very upset. That night he was so, so nice to me, saying how much he loves me and didn't want to hurt me anymore and wanted to work through this and fix everything. He was very upset that his stupid mistake could be the reason for losing me, and that he felt so bad for ruining my experience with the first person I loved, etc. etc. I very much believed his sincerity in all that he said and I wanted to try to work things out. For the next week or so things were very good, he was very dedicated in trying to work through this and make me feel better. But there's an addition to the situation: his guilt/nerves turned into a health issue. All summer he was sick, throwing up, losing weight, etc. and it developed into a minor eating disorder and a serious health risk. Towards the end of the summer, I had to take him to the hospital for the pain one night. Later that week he confessed to me about the cheating. His sickness (so we [he and I] assume) is due to his discomfort around me. Seeing me reminds him of what he did, remembering that makes him feel guilty and feeling guilty makes him sick. So now we're on a break. --- That's part one. Part two is since the break (and the part i need advise on): I can't figure out how feelings can change so quickly. In September (only 2 months ago) he was so loving and told me things I could only wish to hear, and I DO believe he was sincere in saying them and that his feelings were true (I don't think he was just trying to say the right things to get himself out of trouble - that's not like him - plus he was almost in tears over it)... so if he felt THAT strongly about me 2 months ago, what has changed? When he said he wanted a break, he said he just didn't feel comfortable around me anymore. I (hesitantly) agreed to the break but asked him whether he meant a total, no-contact break or if I could still talk to him now and then. (we live in different cities, so this would happen over MSN). He said I could. His exact words were "just be a friend, not a girlfriend for a while"... the his final words were "make it easy to be around you" So my question is how do I do that? What can I do to make him more comfortable about something like this? I've already put in the effort to stay with him and get over this, so he knows that I love him and want to get past this... so I don't really understand how he is not comfortable around me if I obviously want to work through this. Quote Link to comment
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