not sure what to do

[happydoodle]

A couple if Weeks ago I started self harming by taking overdoses daily. I food start with intentions to ultimately commit suicide, but I an having second thoughts about what I actually want. I feel like I want to carry on taking the overdoses, so that I can ultimately end my life, but somewhere deep down I know this is wrong. I now get very anxious and start to feel ill when I can't take the overdoses, its become a habit that I don't feel I can stop. But i'm worried i'm making the wrong decision and this will end badly, but I am so scared of asking for help or telling anyone what I've been doing. I'm scared of the judgements, i'm scared of how people will react and treat me but i'm also scarred of if I am making the wrong decision. Please, anyone that can offer any advice I would be grateful.

Please, no criticising of my situation, I give myself enough of that without other people doing it too. Thanks

[superfan]

No criticism here, but I will say you NEED to get yourself to a counselor, or health professional or someone you can talk to about this before you DO end up doing something that you can't take back. Consider the fact that while you might not end up killing yourself, these overdoses can also do permanent damage to your body.

 

Get some help now. Your friends and family will not want to see you hurt or kill yourself. Whatever else is going wrong in your life, there are people who care for you and who would not want to see you hurt yourself.

 

Find someone you can talk to that will understand what you are going through if you cannot talk to your friends or family - start with your doctor. They can refer you to someone who can help you.

[offplanet]

Don't be doing this, because you're potentially damaging your body, which you'll end up regretting. You could at least call lifeline. I don't know if taking the overdoses is an attempt to achieve oblivion from emotional pain, but you could achieve the same end by getting prescribed a legal drug in the appropriate dosage. I understand something of what you're going through as I did the same thing a long time ago, not knowing about any other avenues for relief.

[SpottiOtti]

Are you taking the overdoses to achieve temporary relief from something? If so, would you be willing to try other things to achieve the same relief? Suicide sometimes seems like the only way to achieve relief from suffering. But it is irreversible, whereas other methods can be changed, reworked, or even dropped altogether! You have options with counseling, medication, group therapy, even spiritual practice if you desire. Suicide is not the only option for you to relieve your suffering.

 

It is a big step that you are posting here. I'm glad you have decided that somewhere way down, suicide feels like it's not right. I know it feels overwhelming to try and make a start coming back from the edge. But you have posted here! That's a start.

 

Have you talked to anyone at Suicide Hotline? Here is the number: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Calling them would be another good small step to take. Do you think you could try that? They might have advice on finding a counselor in your area too.

 

And here is a link to their website: link removed If you don't feel comfortable calling right away, maybe you would feel comfortable exploring this website a bit.

 

I hope you'll continue posting and keep us updated. **((Hugs))**

[happydoodle]

I have been refereed to a mental health worker and do speak rather openly regarding my feelings to someone within my doctors surgery, but I am just struggling so bad to tell them this. I'm scarred of being sent to hospital and I know when I come out of hospital I would carry on with taking the tablets because I would be very reluctant to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. I want help, but i'm scarred, the option of carrying on taking the overdoses doesn't scare me as much as admitting to people what I've been doing, but I know i'm wrong. I'm just so confused.

I take the tablets how I do, because I want to be sure that I would be making the right decision to kill myself. I believed if I was able to keep doing it, it must be what I want, but I still know its wrong, but now struggle not to take them, and feel I have to do it every day.

My mind just feels like its at war with itself, and I don't know what to do. So confused.

[shaynah]

I wonder if it's possible that you may have something else as well as depression. Something like ODC or for example. ...I mean I am not a doctor but if you don't tell the mental health worker what's going on in your head and in your world, they can't properly assess you and give you the help you need. Going to the hospital might be the best thing for you and what you need. The very thing that could help you stop having these thoughts and feelings, is the thing you seem to fear the most. You've gotten into a bad cycle of thinking. You have to ask yourself is what you're doing now working for you? If not why not try something else and bring some change. Break the pattern.

[happydoodle]

Shaynah, I think you hit nail in the head with you're comment "the very thing that could help you stop having these thoughts and feelings, is the thing you seem to fear the most."

I'm terrified, i'm scared that I don't know what will happen next, i'm scared that I will have to explain to family that will refuse to understand, i'm scared that one day I'll have to explain to my children, i'm scared the help, won't help, I'll scared I won't feel any better, i'm also scared of all physical tests that will be involved in admitting I've been taking the tablets, i'm scared of everyones judgements, i'm scared that my partner will use it against me to take away my children or turn them against........there are so many fears in admitting how I really feel and what I've been doing. and on the other side, if I carry on taking the tablets, there is only 1 fear, which is death, but i'm not half as scarred if that as I am all the other stuff. But I know its wrong.

[shaynah]

Having courage is being scared ''''''less but doing it anyway. I struggle with fears all the time, but facing them is the bets thing you can do for yourself. Most of the time the fears are nothing more then that...just fears. I can guarantee the outcome will be better if you take that chance. Nothing will change if you don't at least try something different. Be in the moment as much as you can. If you die, your children will suffer. They would be much better off if you lived and went into hospital, even if your partner tried to use this all against you. Believe me, he won't get far even if he does try. There are way too much people out there who can recognize what is happening and what kind of person he is being. I was scared with my ex too, and what he might be capable of and what he threatened me with. People knew his type though, right away, they were on my side giving me support and it's hard to see from you vantage point but trust me on this one. You will get the help you need and support by people who have dealt with these kinds of situations before, they know what they are doing. They are there to help, they really are. I hope you can find a way to get past the fear and get the help. Even if your fear comes true and it doesn't help, you can't say you never tried. Tell them your fears, they can reassure you. You don't have to explain t family if you don't want to. I don't know your family situation, but maybe they are part of the problem, and it's best you keep a certain distance at a time like this. The most important thing is you and your well being and your children. You can't care for your children if you are too sick. You need to take care of you, in order to be the best Mom you can be. You will be doing the right thing by getting the thing you fear the most. You will find it wasn't so scary after all, and if it improves your life at all, it was full worth it.

[happydoodle]

Hi. I went to the hospital the other day after a really bad night. They sent me away and refuted to help me. I however persisted the next day and got seen by the crisis team and they offered to put me in a psychiatric hospital. I accepted and that's where I've been since Friday. Its obviously stopped me taking the overdoses which is a start and they are trying a new med with me. I've spent some time trying to think things through and best solutions, no good solution in my kind yet. I need some help looking at positives and need to find out what will actually happen before I make a choice. Scary times, but right now i'm safe, which is good.

[shaynah]

Well good for you for facing your fears and I am really happy to hear you are safe for the time being and that they actually took you seriously. That took courage! One day at a time, one moment at a time. Try to make sure you do tell them all your fears as best you can and breath through your fears. Tell yourself nothing will change if you dont try something new.