I feel lost and alone

[Starkitty]

I distrust nearly everyone and theres alot of reasons why I do and things that I just want to forget

 

I feel completely alienated by the world and it's ruinning my life.

I have no confidence anymore and I'm really trying hard to stop thinking negatively about life and people.

No one ever seems to want to help me and when I try to talk to someone to ask for thier advice they change the subject and go on for hours about them. I love helping people, but when people act like they don't care that just makes me feel worse.

People I don't even know are rude to me. I'm always trying to be nice to everyone and I'd go out of my way to help people and to try to make them happy.

 

People talk to me like I don't matter and this has happened so much that I've started to believe it myself.

I know I'm a good person and I've been trying so hard to change my life for the better. I've really achieved alot over the past few years and I'm proud of myself.

 

The thing that hurts the most is that I've been single for years. I don't think I'm ugly and I can be funny and sweet.

I've had attention from guys and I know a few guys have really liked me during the past few years I've been single. I think I was close to having a bf a couple of times, but I feel so insucure and my faith in people has just gone completely. I would have asked my crush out (mentioned in earlier posts) but the truth is I wasn't scared he's say no, I was scared he'd say yes because I knew I'd really fall for him and didn't want to get hurt. He seems like a really nice guy, but after bad expierences in my life I find it hard to trust anyone. I feel really unhappy and lonely and I wish more than anything that I could have my confidence back and stop being paranoid that everyone hates me or eventualy will.

 

I know this is all stupid, but no matter how hard I try to fight these thoughts they crawl up and kick me in the butt! I'm not gonna give up though.

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really strange like I'm detached from everything in life and like all the joy has been sucked out of my life.

I just want to love and be loved in return because love is the only thing that keeps me going in this world.

 

I would be so grateful if anyone could suggest a way to get my confidence back in love and people. I'm not going to give up and I am going to try so hard to make things better.

 

Thanks,

 

- Starkitty

[dirtbubble]

You sound really depressed. Sounds a little like me. You keep fighting through paranoia and alienation, and I will too. Some here will probably tell you to see a shrink and get on antidepressants.

 

I say fight for your happiness. Earn it.

 

Maybe you ought to find something to put your interest in. Like a hobby, or exercise. It can pass the time until you work through this trust blockage you have going on.

 

Beware of hoping or expecting a love interest to solve your feelings. Take care of yourself first, because that's what matters down the road.

 

I find that prayer helps.

[2rublueeyes21]

Well maybe you should seek some counseling. You have low self-esteem. obviously. I am so sorry you are feeling like you are not important. You are..everyone is very important here on earth. Maybe surround yourself with people who are positive. If you need to talk, you can im me. okay? i will listen.

[DBL]

I go through the same thing. I don't really have trust with anybody. I been yolked around a bit in the last few months. My confidence level has become very low compared to how arrogant and confident I been for most of my life.

 

I find that a lot of people don't want to listen to others peoples problems. I just end up stopping talking about it and keeping it to myself.

 

Maybe give it some time and counseling. Your not a lone on this issue...some of us know what we are going through. Everyone here will listen to you and give advice when you need it. So don't think there is nobody to go to.

 

DBL

[shademan]

NOOOOO

 

YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED NOR NEED COUNSELING ......

 

YOU ARE DOING IT NOW HAHAHAHAHA

 

I've been through that stage befor , congratulations your inner self is

 

fighting for individualism , i don't know how but something must have

 

broken the barrier , that everyone of us have . The feelings you are

 

getting are actually YOUR OTHER SELF trying to build that barrier again

 

you are in a stage seeking reality and it's your choice to fight and be

 

strong or back out and accept the surrounding I am happy for you .

 

 

 

----------------

I know alot might disagree i just gave an opinion .

[Starkitty]

Thanks I feel better today. I've been thinking about seeing a counselor for ahwile, but I didn't know if it would really help or not. I might go to one.

 

I know that I'm alot more confident amd happier than I have been for years now! most of this I've achieved myself so thats why I didn't really want to see a councelor before. I know I will feel better in time

 

I think a hobby is a good idea. Theres a few things I would love to try.

 

Shademan, you seem to be very wise. Do you mean that I want to be individual and thats whats making me insucure? that I want to break the mould? and that my ego is the one building the barrier again?

Please tell me more about that I am interested to know what you mean.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice! I really appreciate it!!

- Starkitty

[Snarfnaj]

Being alone or lonely is a state of being. Loneliness can be experienced while being in a steady relationship aswell as when you are not involved with someone. Sometimes it is even worse while being in a relationship. Loving and being loved is a wonderful experience, but not a solution to the feeling of being lonely. To look at another person to fill the void within you would not be fair to this person or to yourself. You will have to find the answers and solutions within you. You've mentioned you are proud of your accomplishments and you feel like you have a lot to offer to someone. Attractive, helpful, warm, funny, sweet and compassionate. We find people along the way in life that will take advantage of this or people that are indifferent to who and what we are. But trust me, Starkitty, they're out there. People like you with the same thoughts and feelings, warmth and love. We simply have to continue to keep an open mind and wrestle through the bad to get to the good while working on happiness within ourselves. Find things you are passionate about, pursue the things you have always had an interest in, but never considered feasible. Find love in your daily surroundings. In family and close circle of friends. But foremost, hold on to your beliefs and hopes. Live your life day by day and remember, the things we do in life will echo in eternity. Love and strength, Starkitty. You're not alone.....

 

JF

[Starkitty]

Thanks Snarfnaj

 

I know that finding a bf won't change my life and that only I can do that.

I just realised that when I'm not attracting anyone into my life there must be something wrong and when I have a crush on someone it makes me realise things about me I never normally notice. It would be great to have someone to just make life feel alittle better and that motivates me to sort my problems out more.

 

Your post really made me think.

Find things you are passionate about, pursue the things you have always had an interest in, but never considered feasible.

 

I have alot of big dreams that I've always thought were impossible or hard to do alone. I live in the UK and I want more than anything to move to the US, but I have no one to move with and I wouldn't know where to start esp since I don't have any money right now.

I find myself going from day to day just drifting along when I know I want something more and bigger out of life.

 

I've been thinking that if I want something badly enough and do whatever it takes to get it I can do it! and I can furfil my dreams.

So instead of spending my days feeling hopeless and like I'm never gonna get anywhere I could put that same effort into trying to achieve something I want.

 

Part of the root of my depression is because I want different things than other people in life and in a way I feel guilty for wanting to do something big/speacial. It feels lonely being on a different path to others and not have them understand or share your enthusiasm for the same thing.

 

That makes me feel different and alienated from everyone else and it makes me feel like theres something wrong with me because I don't want to just get married settle down and have kids.

 

So I've decided to do something about it. I can't waste anymore time listening to my ego and feeling negative all the time. I have to take a big step into achieving what I want out of life and I can still be helpful along the way.

 

Thanks so much!! I need to realise all this.

 

- Starkitty