Getting Closure..

[Marek]

I was going out with this chick recently, then I found out she was living a double life because she was seeing another dude on the side. She even told me she was 18 but turns out she's actually 17, from what I heard from her friends.

 

Anyway, she pretty much ended it 1 week ago. I tried to go over her place just to have my final say, but she has the nerve to tell me to "Get lost and go home"! Her exact words, then just slam the door in my face!

 

I don't want to get back together with this broad. Although I NEED to get a few things off my chest before I can live normally again. So if I call her or go over there she'll just hang the phone on me or slam the door in my face.

 

I'm pretty angry but don't want to get physical with her, she's not worth the trouble, but I do need to say a few things. My letter is going to be pretty harsh, but hell, she deserves everything she gets and then some. So, how many of you guys here wrote a letter to an ex discussing your dismay and anger? How "crazy" did you get in your letter?

 

P.S. Please don't tell me to "just move on" I can't just "move on" after this without letting this off my chest.

[hockeyboy]

wait a week or two before you do anything. your angry thats understandable. but:

 

a) you may calm downa little in a week or two

b) whatever you write to her now..when and if she reads it she wont really be reading it, just scanning it and thinking what an a-hole you are for what your doing.

 

if you wait, your letter may be a lil nice but still drive the point home and she may be more receptive to it.

[lillady898]

This is what I do when I am angry and writing a note:

 

I write 3-4 notes.

I write the first one, saying exactly how I feel.

Put that one aside, and rewrite a new note stating how I feel again (without looking at the first note, of course).

Put that one aside, and rewrite another new note.

Etc.

 

You will notice that by the second note, your tone has changed. It becomes a lot less angry. And the more you rewrite the note, the clearer it becomes. When you feel SO strongly about something, a note can seem cluttered and confusing, jumping back and forth.

 

Each note you write lets some steam out. It has worked for my most angry of days. Try it. And give her the last note you write.

 

 

(P.S. I would also like to add that, although you want to show her just how mad you are... Chances are, that won't get her to change her attitude. What I do, is sort of reverse psychology. While someone would expect you to be nasty (especially seeing as how they don't care you are unhappy and that is probably what they want), it absolutely kills them if you are nice. During an argument, I just kept smiling and shrugging. Needless to say, the person backed off and ended up getting more himself. And to think, he was trying to minipulate and degrade me. The more you act like you're perfectly okay, the more disappointed they will probable be. And when you force yourself to be a little upbeat about the worst of problems, eventually that feeling will come natural. Anyways, do you want her mad because you're being mean, or upset beacuse you're being nice? Works for me! )

[cleverme123]

Obviously she doesn't give a heck about your feelings or emotions any way. The likelihood of her opening up the letter is slim and none.

I saw once that to get closure some times its best to write a letter but keep it for yourself. Write down why you are angry how they made you feel and what you learned from the experience. To stir up anger with someone who is obviously immature isn't going to get you any where. But at the same time writing down your feelings to yourself will help bring closure.

 

Letter writing is the worst thing you can do to other people...It can come back and bite you. When someone gets angry they have something to show all their friends and brag about how obsessive you are with them. Just a thought...

[hockeyboy]

better yet..call her and be as nice and sweet as possible. she'll hate that more then anything.

[lillady898]

better yet..call her and be as nice and sweet as possible. she'll hate that more then anything.

 

Exactly how I feel.

[Francis]

I am more in favour of your writing exactly the way you feel. Even if she does not care about you whatsoever, at least you'll get it off your chest.

 

A friend of mine went to Marocco and someone there basically raped her (date rape). She is very feminist and she wrote a letter to the guy letting him know exactly how she felt and what she thought about him (sexist pig). I rolled my eyes but said nothing. I thought she'd completely lost her time by doing this.

 

HOWEVER : eventually the guy wrote back to her. He had read the feminist books she'd recommended in her letter and he sincerely apologized, etc.

 

So, writing a letter could actually be a good idea.

[Snarfnaj]

Getting closure after a break up only is useful when the other party is reasonable, understanding and sympathetic to your feelings of frustration, despair and anger. Even while in the relationship she was none of the above. Selfish and uncaring is what I get from your description about her. I would almost say, don't give her the satisfaction. Your expression of your feelings will fall upon deaf ears, even after a couple of weeks. Trust me, it will lead to more frustration. This young lady isn't worth that. Instead, you might wanna write some of your feelings down for yourself or talk about it with someone that WILL care and understand and is able to offer support. Good luck,

 

JF