Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 this is my first time doing these sort of things.. i think this is the only place i can be honest.. many of my friends told me i shouldn't keep this to myself... i have shared a little but i cant tell them everything, i mean it wouldn't be fair for my ex... but here nobody knows us and the only one who read this means they wanna listen to my story.. i was in a relationship for almost 6 years.. all my life i have been in three relationship that i consider serious..the last one was the best and the most painful one.. im not really the social type.. i dont have many female friends. the first time i saw her is when we are in collage. the reason i tried to hit on her is because i want to get on one of my senior's nerve.. i knew he liked her so i wanted to piss him off.. as time goes by i fell in love with her personality. she is a very soft spoken person.. i taught her to not easily ask for break up or separation unless she really meant it... the years went by.. i was really happy with her...i wish i could say the same for her.. im trying the best i can to be honest with her... i almost never lied... everything that i kept from her eventually i confess.. i was a real jerk.. i didnt pay much attention to her.. i thought that im secure with her.. last month she left me.. this was the second time we broke up.. first was last year.. i was financially unstable so she cheated on me.. at first i have doubts, but when the first time he called her around 2am and she answered i was in bed right beside her.. i was shocked because she never picked up late calls..that is when i decided to win her back because of my promise to her.. i tried my best including change the amount of texts, we oftenly went on a date have a few holidays.. finally i couldnt kept it in me no more.. one morning when we were home sleeping at the living room i got up to use the toilet and i accidentally stepped on her phone.. worried that i had damaged her phone i look at it.. then i say his text.. i have always known she cheated... one time during sex he wouldnt stop texting her that i told her to reply and i looked away.. i woke her up and begged her.. at first i asked if she has anything to tell me or is there anything that i should know.. she said no.. when my tear started to go down i showed her the text.. then who is he? i asked.. she confess n that was my first break up.. i was the one asked for it.. as few weeks goes by i couldnt take the pain my mother advice me that 'if u love her go after her' i did.. i called her and told her i dont want to lose her.. we got back together.. i started introducing her to my family.. all my family knew and still accepted her..but things went worst.. because what had happened i had changed a little.. and so did she.. i was a little strict and not as trustworthy as before.. i always pressured her on why is she always late home, her workplace is 5min walk and mine 1hr drive but she was never home first.. i pushed her to do house errands like cooking and cleaning.. finally when i was tired of her attitude i shut up for two days.. the first is when she went home late when my childhood friend was with me.. my friend said 'what bf wouldnt want to knew where she has been' he told me to ask her where she has been,at first i dont want to because why would the answer be any diffrent than before.. then he said just to see her reaction.. then i asked.. the answer is as usual.. working.. then she told me her friend from home is coming and she want to spend the night with her friends.. i let her... i stay quiet for the next 2 days and finally when i was home with two of my friends she entered my house without me even notice her when she entered.. i went to my room and saw someone was at the closet and i saw it was her.. i was speechless i went out to the balcony.. after she had left my friend called me.. i was ashamed to tell them so i kept quiet.. after a few week i knew i cant move on without knowing what actualy happen. so i text her saying as an ******* as i am i think i deserve to know the truth.. she replied saying that she think she doesnt deserve me and she want to gave others a chance.. i said ' dont give me this bs' the first time i swear to her.. i said if she wanted me to move on then why did she my only female friend using my phone.. and i said if she cant tell the truth then dont rply me at all.. and she didnt reply me.. what made things worst is just yesterday my mother called and ask why is she on a vacation..i dare not say more... everyday the pain just keep growing.. i know i have played my part to make this happen.. but why didnt she even say a word to me like tq sorry goodbye.. why am i not worthy of knowing what happen..? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 very difficult to read the stream of consciousness and no paragraphs. And I don't get that she came home and you found her in the bedroom looking at the closet --- and didn't speak? Link to comment
wolflovesmoon Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 can you re-post please with paragraphs so we can have better understanding =better advice . Link to comment
Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 sorry for the inconvenience... ill try to change it later.. and also for my poor english.. actually she recently moved in my house because of her office was near and she cant drive, when she entered my house at that time to get her stuff.. she came with another female friend waiting outside.. she didnt say a single word telling me that she is coming and she didnt say anything to me before she left.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 so, she has moved out -- and brought a friend for support when she was getting her stuff.... She cheated -- she thought you forgave her -- you didn't....and she wants, clearly -- to date others. Time to admit to yourself, friends and family that she has left you. You know what happened....the details are unimportant. Link to comment
LovesMusic Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 can you re-post please with paragraphs so we can have better understanding =better advice . .... serious? Link to comment
Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 its actually very important to me.. i always said to myself i can do better.. even if she wanted to date other people.. she knew she can be honest with me... if she wasnt serious about the relationship she would not involve my family, she wouldnt decide to move in together after the first break up.. we are young but our relationship is almost 6years how can someone not be serious .. its true i was the one letting her meet my family, but she insisted.. at first i thought she had change.. i was to confident i thought that no one can surpass me bcause of what i had prove to her.. i never knew it would bother me this much but i was wrong. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 When I said the details were unimportant --- I meant the details of the break up --- not that the relationship wasn't important. She has lost her feelings for you. For her to move out is a huge step. And for her to say -- she wants to date others --- not uncommon for young people, especially since she has been with you for 6 years. She didnt' want to talk about it, or warn you -- because she didn't want to be talked out of it. Wait until your emotions have calmed down, and call her. Even if it is just to say "good bye". Link to comment
Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 if so then why did she replied my text.. why she even bother to create a lie.. before i knew about her holiday she was contacting my best friend telling that she wanted me back.. i not certain if my friend is just saying that to ease my pain.. lets say its true she lost her feelings towards me.. but come on... nothing? not even a single word.. im so confuse Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Since your post was so hard to read -- as in you don't punctuate or use run -on sentences --- I don't have all the details at hand. She responded to your text because she was still living w/ the lie or belief that the relationship could work. She has given that up. And now, she is not responding because she is still very emotional about it, as are you. Just give it some time -- a few weeks. Link to comment
Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 im sory for my bad writing... it seems that my mind is not very straight.. i really appreciate the attention and advice.. i dont want to get back together... im done and sure im glad of it.. as far as i know her she is the type to held it in as long as she can. as i said once to her, im in loved not obsessed.. tq i actually felt good to let some out.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 If you don't want her back --- great. But in order to move on -- you just have to let go --- you will never get "all the answers". And even if you did, it wouldn't change a thing. Accept that you had some good times, that both of you could have done better -- and then do better next time, with the next someone special. Link to comment
Fadhli Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 to be honest, in my future relationships i dont think i can trust my partner like before.. i hope i can.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 That is called "baggage" --- and if you cannot trust someone who has done nothing to "break the trust" -- because of how someone from your past treated you --- than you will not have fulfilling relationships in the future. They are based on trust. However, it is natural at this stage to feel that way. Time heals. Link to comment
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