6.5 months post BU and started dreaming about him again........massive relapse!

[panicgirl86]

So he dumped me 6.5 months ago, mutual NC since night of break up. I've seen him once in a local bar but didn't acknowledge him as I thought it was the best thing to do in the circumstances.

 

I have resisted the urge to FB stalk him and changed my number about a month after the BU and deleted his in an attempt to kill all hope of contact. I deactivated my FB account for a while but don't really use it anymore. I have also deleted my account on the dating site we met on for many reasons, one of which being keep seeing him online and not doing myself any favours. I have been caually dating but nothing serious as I'm not convinced that I'm ready to go in head first right now as I still love him. He messaged one of my best friends about 12 days after we broke up on this dating site, he didn't realise that she was her as he hasn't met her in person, that stung very badly, he has even viewed my other best friends profile (she told me the other day) but he knows that she's my friends, so no excuses for that one!

 

I feel so pathetic, still loving him and missing him, crying sometimes when I remember things we did, things he said 6.5 months later as it wasn't a long relationship but I was very emotionally invested, clearly more than he was.

 

I thought that I was making progress, I was moving on, doing well and hadn't seen him since the one time I spoke about, until a few days ago when I had an unexpected dream about him, and then again the next night. It really confused me, shook me up and upset me because I feel like its reminded me of how much I miss him again. It has made me start to long for him again, to remember what it felt like to hug him and feel that happy. This has really set me back.

 

I have absolutely no idea what has been going on in his life, but still miss him terribly. I managed to fight the urge to contact him over christmas and new year but I feel the urge returning. I keep reminding myself that if he wanted to talk to me he would, and that any attempt at contact on my part would likely end in rejection, hurt and embarrassment, its such a difficult pill to swallow.

 

So I've been crying again (I know pms is playing a part here!) But I'm now thinking about the good times that still sting to recall, and wondering if he's moved on and if he's happy. I really wish that I didn't love him.

 

I feel really lost, how can I get back on track?

 

X

[Edmund Exley]

It doesnt sound like you have fully let go of the idea of loving him. You need to focus on that first. Stop focusing on if he has moved on and is happy. Focus on the past is gone and its time for the next step in life.

[Looptd]

I wish I knew. I am just going through a break up after 7 years. And when I think I'm finally making progress, all the sudden I get this idea that she'll come back and everything will be ok. What get's me through most days is keeping myself occupied. Diving into work, home projects, just getting out and walking, these forums, talking with friends and family. Just keeping my mind busy and keeping motivated. But each night I can't sleep cause I look over and she's not there. I hope that goes away soon, and that these relapses become less and less common. But until then I have to accept that this cycle will be part of my life. And remind myself that the lows are not perminent or as low as they feel.

[panicgirl86]

I remember the stage of not being able to sleep at night, I was exhausted. Everytime I'd go to bed and try to switch off my head would spin with questions and I'd just work myself up, thank god that eventually passed!

 

I feel like the longing for him just isn't going away like it should be, and I know that I haven't completely let go of loving him, that's the bit I'm struggling with the most, that and the hurt. It has faded but is still there. I just feel lucky when I think back to how intense the pain was at the beginning in comparison to now.

 

X

[lilypadgirl]

Sadly, the path to recovery isn't linear. Sometimes it will feel like you've taken great steps forward, then bam, something reminds you of him or you have a dream of him and you just feel as crappy and devastated as if it just happened.

 

Give yourself time and know that you will have ups and downs, even 6.5 months out. A lot of times this relapse means that you are moving on. Because you are moving on, the part of you that still loves him is rebelling, saying hey remember me? It's scary to let go of a love.

 

Know that even though you're feeling so awful right now, it will get better. And make sure that you are really focusing on your life and your goals. Make plans for yourself. It gives you something to look forward to. Yes, you had many wonderful memories with him, but know that you will have many more amazing memories that are just yours.

 

In the meantime, take some time for yourself and just let yourself emote for a bit and get rid of all the pent up emotions. Hugs.