Any help would be amazing

[cocacolo]

Hi, I am very new to this so please bare with me as I get used to the website Any help would be so greatly appreciated

 

So...

I was in a relationship for nearly 1.5 years with a girl I love more than anything in the world, I would do anything for her. We had an amazing time together and being my first real girlfriend it was a perfect first step into adult relationships.

 

A few days ago she came over and told me she wanted to break up. It felt like I had been hit by a train, had absolutely no idea and she didn't show any signs that there were problems. I was in so much shock that I asked her to leave and we would talk later.

 

Yesterday we had a really in depth conversation about why she wanted to break up. She said she wanted to try something new (ie. being single) and that she didn't feel the same way she did before. She also wanted to see new things, meet new people and do things that otherwise she would have felt guilty about being with me. She said it was nothing to do with me and that she still loved me just not in a relationship way.

 

This is the confusing part. She says she still wants to be friends, with the relationship being the same way it was without the intimate stuff and substituting 'relationship' dates for more casual things like lunch or studying etc. I am still thinking through this but I don't know if at this point I can do it. I have tried asking her for more time to try and fix our relationship but she is set on being single. A decision which I have respected.

 

After the talk we went to lunch and since then have agreed to go to dinner before she goes away, kind of a goodbye dinner. I am thinking of using the time she goes away as well as some after, to implement NC to try and get over her as best I can but at the moment I am dreading not having her in my life as she was my rock that i could say anything to.

 

She has sent me text messages throughout the day without me texting first, with the final one being 'you will get a message ' which will be a drunk message due to the fact she is going out tonight.

 

I would just love any advice that would assist me and hopefully reduce some of the rampant thoughts going through my head.

 

Who knew life could be this confusing and emotional? My immature and naive self didn't

 

Thanks for reading and feel free to ask anything more if it will help form a good response, I will try and answer to the best of my ability

[markie6]

After the talk we went to lunch and since then have agreed to go to dinner before she goes away

Is she leaving the area or ?

 

I guess you seem to have accepted her decision and her reasons. She just doesn't want to have a relationship with you , but wants your friendship. What do you want ? Will you be able to sit there studying with her and have her talk about her new life and all the things she would have felt guilty doing, had she been with you ? She obviously cares but not in the way you want or the way you feel about her. You don't mention ages but I am guessing early 20's .... it's not uncommon for somebody to want to find their feet and explore the world and what is has to offer at that age. Sucks to be on the recieving end of that though

 

That would be my real concern right now, she wants your friendship and you want more. Does that sum it up ? Let us know what is really concerning you, what you really want.

[cocacolo]

Thanks for replying markie6 - She is going overseas for a little while.

 

Honestly all I really want is to get her back, and just having her in my life as a friend for me at the moment will be so much better than her not being in it at all. But I do agree that the friendship will work better for both once I get over her and I'm not sure how long it will take but I want to try and get over her.

 

Do you think it is possible that she could fall back in love with me as easily as she fell out of love? Even if she doesn't know that within herself?

[markie6]

Do you think it is possible that she could fall back in love with me as easily as she fell out of love? Even if she doesn't know that within herself?

 

Nobody can give you an answer to that I am afraid. She plainly doesn't feel the same way about you. My advice is to let her go on her merry way, don't make promises about friendship and use the time you are apart to do your best to get over her.She has been honest about the situation , told you were she stands. You need to accept all that, it is over and you're going to have to make you, your number 1 priority.

 

Nobody can say you won't get back together but she seems pretty certain , imho , that you are not the one for her. Do your best not to cling to hopes that she will change her mind when she returns, by and large when people tell you they only see you as a friend, that's all you have been to them for a fair amount of time.

 

It hurts, but there is little you can do other than look after yourself and you'll get through it ok. Use the time apart to get over her. She is already well on her way to being over you

[Edmund Exley]

I totally agree with everything Markie6 says above. She has been honest and you need to take her words for exactly what they are, and not hope that friendship will reopen the door. I assure you having her in your life as a friend will not be better, because you dont want her as a friend, you want more. And you will face constant feelings of rejection again, and again, and again because she will believe you are just friends, and you will be hoping for more.

[cocacolo]

As bad as this sounds, at the moment I would risk getting heartbroken/rejected again and stay friends just for the minute chance that she wants to get back together. Is this wrong? Its just horrible she was such a big part of my life it seems impossible for me to cut her out.

[sharky988]

As bad as this sounds, at the moment I would risk getting heartbroken/rejected again and stay friends just for the minute chance that she wants to get back together. Is this wrong? Its just horrible she was such a big part of my life it seems impossible for me to cut her out.

 

It's your decision, but in your place I'd give her time to experience what life is like without you in it for a while. Also, more importantly, to remove yourself and give yourself a chance to heal without having to deal with any new fresh incoming pain from having contact with her.

 

In my experience, she's either going to decide she wants you back or she's going to decide she doesn't. There's nothing you can really do to control which way this goes -- although making yourself available as a platonic friend will probably only help her get over you.

 

When I was in my early 20's, I dumped my then-bf because I wanted to be single. I went off, moved away, dated other people, and had no contact with him at all for many, many months. Finally I realized that nothing was going to compare to the relationship we had, so I contacted him and we got back together. We were married 18 years. So...... sometimes -- not usually -- it happens. I mention this because there was nothing he had to say or do to make me realize what I had lost. Time away from him -- realizing there wasn't anything better out there for me -- that's what made the difference.

 

Keep the focus on YOU for now, your own healing, your own life. Let her go and focus on making yourself the best person you can be. She wants you there to be her safety net -- but for now, put yourself first and protect yourself. She'll respect you more for it in the long run than if you had agreed to be platonic friends when you both know you want to be much more than that.

[Ms Darcy]

It seems she told you that she is basically not attracted to you and wants to date others.

 

I am sure that would pain you to hear about so I would cut contact for a while and focus on your friends.