advice needed...

[adviceplz]

okay 1 month ago my partner and i moved out together..

 

the reason was to take our relationship to the next level and to spend more time with eachother.. theres only one problem. he may of made the commitment to move out with me , but i feel like it is more my house then what it is his as i spend more time here.

 

 

my partner works 5 days a week , after work he hangs out with his mates and takes his time coming home. most nights he does not come home before 10. i have to beg him to have a night at home , im lucky to have 3 nights a week. even on the weekend he still goes out and does his own thing , the main time i get with him is at night when he comes home but by that time i am asleep.

 

i just feel like he is still living life like he is single. we are partners, he should be considering how feel with everything he does but he DOESNT.

 

anyway the fact that he has is away so much , it has even caused problems for our relationship. he said that three nights a week i should be happy with. am i over reacting ? .. i still go out with my friends maybe 2 - 3 times a week but i always make sure he is number one on my list. i have tried talking to him about it but it just leads to a fulll on argument... i just want him to be home with me more , spend more quality time with eachother. i want to go on a holiday to have some "fun" memories but he says we can't afford it.

 

he really wants to start a family aswell , i have wanted to have a family with him for years but he was never ready and now he is. he talks about having a baby more then i do. but i don't want to put myself in a position where i am restricted when he can't prove to be a providing partner. he may provide financial support but where is the quality time ?

 

 

i mean when i do get those 3 nights a week, its great , its fun and its loving. everything is perfect apart from him still having his mates on an equal level to me. i know they say it is healthy to have time to spend with yr mates. but he spends over 5 hours a day with them after work .

 

 

i just want he promised, to finally start our life together and a family...

 

 

how do i approach him without coming accross as needy or demanding ?

[Ms Darcy]

At this point, he knows what you want in terms of time together. You have to decide if three days a week is enough for you. He has expressed that this is his need and what your future looks like.

 

I personally wouldn't have kids with a guy who I wasn't married to who does not meet my emotional needs.

[offplanet]

Even if you could somehow 'force' him to spend more time with you, would you really want him being with you just because he was forced to? The way it is now is what he likes! It's what he's comfortable with, and that's not likely to change. You wisely think ahead to what it would be like if you start a family with him. In terms of the time he spends out, I think it might get worse. Maybe he would bond with the kids and look forward to coming home each night to play with and help look after them. That'd be nice! But if it went the other way and he went out more to avoid the trouble and bother of a newborn baby, toddlers etc, that would put you in a horrible position. Now that you've moved in together he seems to take you for granted. He knows you're there 'waiting for him'. He doesn't need your actual company the way you need his. If it was me, I wouldn't be happy this way. Definitely don't rush into having children before you sort out if you want to live with someone this way. Unfortuntately I think this kind of situation gets worse, not better, with time. After all, as time goes by he'd take you more for granted.