She broke up and broke my heart. need help

[lancelot873]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my second break up and second time visiting this site for that reason.

 

We met at work in october shortly after my ex broke up with me (bad relationship, had no problems getting over that). at first i was worried that i may be rebounding so i talked to the new girl about everything and all the feelings i was going through and it turned out she just broke up with her bf of 3 years so we understood eachother. later on, she tells me that she was still with her ex when we met which was hurtful for me to cope with but i love her so i had to let it go. the relationship was great, met her parents three weeks into the relationship and they liked me a lot.

 

the problem started manifesting itself when i started breaking my curfew (im a 25 year old middle eastern guy who lives with his family still because its hard to find a job in my field) so i have a curfew because my mom worries about me staying out late and all that crap. i never accepted the curfew that's why i always broke it even when i was single. so this problem has been around for about 8 years. when i started dating her, she was getting frustrated with how i had to go home before 10 weekdays, and before midnight on weekends. so after our 3 month anniversary, we didn't see eachother much because of the newly instated curfew because i went through hell with my family due to my disobedience. and it started to show in my relationship that i was depressed and emotional. at first she was supportive and said that we will be ok and i just need to move out (which i agree with because i can't deal with having a curfew at this age) and the other thing she asked me was to promise to stop talking to my family once i move out (which i don't agree with to a certain extent) this is because i already don't like them for giving me a curfew. so i told her i can't promise that, but i promise not to let them interfere with our lives. i guess that wasn't enough for her? so she "runs" into her ex during this difficult time for us and decides that she feels guilty about how she let him go and how much of a bad person she is and i continued to reassure her that she did what she felt is right AT THE TIME.

 

back story on the ex's ex bf. she was with him just because he was rich. she cheated on him every week and say him once a week.

 

anyways, so she tells me she felt bad when she saw him trying hard to be ok when she saw him and agreed to meet for coffee with him later that day. she told me this ahead of time which i really appreciated so i told her that i trust her and that if she feels she needs to do this then she should go for it. so she did, and asked me to wait up for her at night to call her to see how she did. so i waited and around 11:30 pm i start passing out because i was tired from work. she calls me at 11:52 pm and i obviously sound asleep so she freaks out and get angry. decides to call me the next day, less than 24 hours after she met the ex telling me that she can't deal with my family drama anymore and she needs to focus on herself now in order to be ok at work because she's been stressing because of my family issues and she broke down on the phone and more 50% of the phone call was her saying "i can't, i can't, i can't" so at the time it didn't hit me that this may have been due to her meeting the ex, or her dealing with my curfew issue, so i was trying to be supportive and told if that's what she feels that's best for her then i'm ok with it and she kept apologizing saying that i'm going to hate her and all that and i reassured her that i will always love her and if this is what makes her happy then i'll do it.

 

so i didn't message her or contact her after that. but she kept calling me and asking how i'm doing and how i'm holding up two days after the meet up with the ex. i break down everytime she calls and we both cry on the phone and she starts telling how much a great guy i am and i stop her telling her to save me the break up speech. we end the call that we love each other and we miss each other. and that's that. i messaged her once to let her know that i have a job interview and was hoping i'd get the job so things could improve and was wondering how she's doing. she doesn't reply. a week later, i message her asking for a tax document of mine that she still had and she replies 4 minutes later saying that she sent it. and i never heard from her again.

 

i'm torn because:

1. we talked about getting married.

2. we were happy together.

3. she said she would never break up with me unless she cheats on me or stops liking me.

4. she met with her ex AND broke up with me less than 24 hours later.

5. she made me feel worthless and incapable.

 

6. she left me at a time when i needed her the most. (she has a good job, no family issues, i dont, and she still thinks i should be the more supportive one. i think who ever is more stable should support the other until we're on the same level, it doesn't always have to be the guy doing all the supporting. each case is different)

 

7. i feel like she's moving on (eventhough she said she is going to and asked me that i should do the same and i told her i won't because i still love her).

8. i feel like she could be back with her ex.

 

i'm just all over the place. i haven't contacted her since march 11, so it's been 5 days NC. i really want to message her to see how she's doing, and tell her i miss her, see if she's doing better, if she is happier, if she found someone else, if she's back with her ex, i guess some kind of closure. but i can't get over the fact that she broke up with me. everything was going great. i don't know why she gave up that quickly. when i asked her if she thought we are done, and she said not forever, she just can't be with me in the foreseeable future. when i hear the word "foreseeable" i immediately flag it as BULL****. i'm so ****ing torn the only thing i want to do is kill myself but the only two things keeping me from doing that is

 

1. would she be hurt if i did that?

2. what if we are going to get back together in the future?

 

i need help coping with this.

 

thank you for reading it's a long story but i'm losing friends because of how depressed i am. i'm not talking to family because in my head, they are the cause of this.

[Asking]

I understand your middle eastern situation. However you shouldn't blame family for your ex leaving you. If she was cheating and only with her ex for money then as a girl she has other motives. She may have actually loved you and didn't have those same motives as she did for her ex however you can never for sure and that's going to hurt you knowing "what if" if she could easily dump you after meeting with her ex then she could have been using you as a rebound or something. I'm not sure how long you guys were together but the girl doesn't sound like she's a good person. You on the other hand tried but if she can walk away and not try then you should take that and start healing and not contemplating suicide. No one is worth your unhappiness especially your death. My ex also left me on March 11th and a small part of it was my dads fault but i don't blame him at all and hate him for what happened. My ex was Sikh Punjabi and i'm Muslim you know and our culture that wouldn't work. I still miss her and love her but she walked away just like your ex did to me it shows that she doesn't care and makes me question if she ever loved me. you may have the same thoughts but you need to start moving on and trying to set yourself free from everything. Try going out and finding new people, hang out with friends, take up a new hobby. Don't dwell on the thoughts of your relationship and killing yourself. Start healing and go for NC it's hard but try. iA you'll find someone who will always stick by your side no matter how rough the waters get.

[lancelot873]

i only blame them because i agree with her about the curfew situation. I've always had this curfew ever since i was 5. when we played on the streets back home, my mom would pull me and my sister from the street while everyone was still out playing. i really do think it's their fault. if the curfew wasn't there, this wouldn't have happened.

[lancelot873]

and i'm not the date someone else kinda guy, when i say i love someone i really do mean it and stick by it. so i don't think i'll date anyone after this one. i don't feel lonely at all. i just miss her. i know i'm fine on my own, i've lived 25 years before her so in that respect i'll be fine, but WITHOUT her.

[Asking]

That may be true, however if she really wanted to stick through it and work with you just like you were doing for her she would've. You accepted moving out and tried to set yourself free from the curfew she could have stayed and waited for a brighter future. She didn't the more you blame yourself, family, etc. Is just gonna keep you angry and depressed and those two are a bad combination. If you want her back and that let NC play it's role and maybe she'll miss you and realize everything and try once more, but you have to make sure within yourself if your ready to let everything go for love. & be ready for good and bad outcomes. Relationships are never easy there are ups and downs this could be a down and an up may come may not be with her but just hold on and try being happier.

 

i only blame them because i agree with her about the curfew situation. I've always had this curfew ever since i was 5. when we played on the streets back home, my mom would pull me and my sister from the street while everyone was still out playing. i really do think it's their fault. if the curfew wasn't there, this wouldn't have happened.

[lancelot873]

thank you for your reply. i am ready to drop everything for love because that's what makes that person special in my opinion.

[lancelot873]

we were only together for 3 months.