Half tempted to write to ex, just set me clear here guys.

[stranger88]

Ive mostly been posting on here to 'avoid doing dumb things'.

 

For the past days ive had an overwhelming urge to write my ex a letter. I will state clearly that I dont want the relationship and I don't necessarily want her back in my life at all, however for two people who used to be nice to one another it does bother me that although amicable, our breakup was fairly rude towards one another.

 

The problem is despite an internal longing to do this, I can see all of the problems, there is potential for her to say things that will make me feel off, its breaking the NC which ive built since the breakup and I could be ignored etc etc. Also I can't properly phrase what I want to say.

 

I more or less would just like to write something nicer then how we both acted during deciding to breakup. If I thought id run into her eventually I would probably just wait for that, but it seems unlikely and I also doubt she'd contact me if she hasn't already.

 

If this was any one else I'd say "No, don't do it" but I really must admit i'm not longing for her back, our relationship was not fantastic together. But I suspect that would make no difference. Let me hear it guys as you know no one ccan think rationally about their own situation

[ivywall]

Truthfully? It sounds like there is more potential for negative than positive. You even stated there is the potential she will say something to set you off balance, and I don't know that it's worth the risk. You seem like you're in a pretty good place as far as not talking, not wanting her back, recognizing maybe the relationship was flawed. If I was in that place I wouldn't do anything that might alter it or set me back. If you ever run into her, even though it may be unlikely, take the chance to say "hey, I wish it could have ended differently, and I hope you're well," or something like that, and mayve leave it at that.

[thatguy25]

Truthfully? It sounds like there is more potential for negative than positive. You even stated there is the potential she will say something to set you off balance, and I don't know that it's worth the risk. You seem like you're in a pretty good place as far as not talking, not wanting her back, recognizing maybe the relationship was flawed. If I was in that place I wouldn't do anything that might alter it or set me back. If you ever run into her, even though it may be unlikely, take the chance to say "hey, I wish it could have ended differently, and I hope you're well," or something like that, and mayve leave it at that.

 

Agree with above, and to be honest stranger ive been lurking on this forum for a while now and recently started to post more. You are one of the posters that I truly get a lot of insight from when it came to my break up- You have come this far with NC. Why turn back now? I promise you that the response (thats saying you even get one) you get will not make things easier or better for you're healing. Let sleeping dogs lie and stay the course.

[Lambo]

You have given me some major support on some of my posts! My most recent one was to send a letter as well and you told me not to... Follow your advice!

 

If we send that letter, we will both be set back. Let's continue on with NC and focus on ourselves. Let's improve ourselves so much that the next time our ex sees us, and their jaw will drop. Let's make them regret what they did and let's find the next girl that will love us for who we are.

[stranger88]

Truthfully? It sounds like there is more potential for negative than positive. You even stated there is the potential she will say something to set you off balance, and I don't know that it's worth the risk. You seem like you're in a pretty good place as far as not talking, not wanting her back, recognizing maybe the relationship was flawed. If I was in that place I wouldn't do anything that might alter it or set me back. If you ever run into her, even though it may be unlikely, take the chance to say "hey, I wish it could have ended differently, and I hope you're well," or something like that, and mayve leave it at that.

 

I agree. Thats a good way of placing it, even if it isn't in an attempt to get back together you are right that its very unlikely that any positiveness could come of the situation.

 

Agree with above, and to be honest stranger ive been lurking on this forum for a while now and recently started to post more. You are one of the posters that I truly get a lot of insight from when it came to my break up- You have come this far with NC. Why turn back now? I promise you that the response (thats saying you even get one) you get will not make things easier or better for you're healing. Let sleeping dogs lie and stay the course.

 

I agree completely. I guess I just wanted to hear some logic on the topic. Its significantly easier when you don't actually want the relationship back, but I guess i'm still stuck a little in caring what she thinks.

 

 

You have given me some major support on some of my posts! My most recent one was to send a letter as well and you told me not to... Follow your advice!

 

If we send that letter, we will both be set back. Let's continue on with NC and focus on ourselves. Let's improve ourselves so much that the next time our ex sees us, and their jaw will drop. Let's make them regret what they did and let's find the next girl that will love us for who we are.

 

Yeah I remember writing that which is why it is hypocritical! Completely agreed. The logic difference in my head was simply that I wanted to apologize for a few things that I had done, which truth be told, I should have known better than to do. That was it. We kind of had a breakup then nothing, and it feels really weird to me, there is always lingering contact following breakups.

 

Like I always say, giving advice and taking advice is a bit different. Hence why sometimes you really need 'objective' viewpoints to avoid making rash decisions.

[Brokebutno1]

Stranger,

If she deserved to hear anything like this from you she'd still be with you to hear it!

Sure it's hard to comprehend how someone you thought you knew so well could change so much but she will ask you if she wants (to know) anything.

Take the high road and keep with no contact, you'll feel much better because of it.

If you feel you must, then draft it, and hold it there for a week...my money says after a week you won't want/need to send it

[markie6]

 

 

I started a thread about letters a long time ago, which attracted some good thoughts , give that a look while your contemplating

[bluevacuum]

It's not worth the pain.

 

Breaking NC wont' do you any good. Even if it's to clarify things, you'll start back at step 1, if not worst off.

 

Closure comes from within. Nothing you say or do will change how you feel now.

 

Stay NC. Stay Strong.

[Sportster2005]

Ive mostly been posting on here to 'avoid doing dumb things'.

 

And this would be one of those dumb things to avoid. Trust me. Don't do it. In a few months you'll be thanking yourself.

 

I wish the Internet was around when I was younger. I've pretty much done ever dumb thing imaginable when it comes to dating and women. Well it was around, just not publicly available. I'm not that old