Is it Really Over?

[skawaearl]

I'm gonna go ahead and start this out by saying that this guy that broke up with me was the same guy I posted about in my earlier thread, if any of you read that one by chance. This guy and I are both 18. I'm just going to put it all out on the table here so if it gets to be too much to read I completely understand. I am just really struggling with this right now and I need an unbiased party to vent to. Thank you in advance. Okay here it goes.

 

I started talking to this guy I went to high school with in November. We weren't really friends in high school since we didn't really run in the same social circles, but we knew who each other were. He obtained my number from my best friend and we began to text each other all day everyday. I am going through my basics at a community college right now and he is 2 hours away at a university, so the distance issue has always been a part of our relationship. We hung out during Thanksgiving break for the first time and from then on we were pretty much exclusive to each other. Before we began to talk, he had been doing normal college guy things (he slept around a little bit) but as soon as we began to date he immediately stopped all of that of course. Throughout our month long Christmas break I saw him almost everyday, or as much as we could see each other since we were busy with family obligations as well. Before he went back to school in January, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and without hesitation I said yes.

 

I have been very blessed to have been able to grow up with both of my parents in a loving home, and they have always been there to support me (I know this sounds like random information but it ties in I promise). Now I have been in a pretty bad relationship before, my heart and trust was broken by another guy and so I had major hesitations with this new guy I was dating. But he was so completely different in every way. I was able to be myself around him in every aspect. He made me laugh so hard my sides would hurt, and he always made a point to tell me how special and how beautiful I was to him. He was such a breath of fresh air, and I was starting to really fall for him.

 

His background is a little bit different. His parents divorced when he was about 5, and then his dad moved back to Greece (where he was originally from) and remarried and basically started a new life without him. He sends him money every once and while, but he didn't grow up with a father figure really. And recently his father was put into the hospital by his new family and he hasn't been given a lot of information about it. He has always had big insecurities with that as well as abandonment issues. When things seem to get tough, he tends to hide himself away from everyone until they get better. He doesn't reach out to people to get help from them. This being said, he hasn't ****ted his way around at all, he just has never really been in a committed relationship that has lasted longer than a few months.

 

Everything was going great with him. We never fought, we talked all of the time, and he came back home whenever he could to see me. I was even planning on taking a trip up to his college relatively soon to surprise him and see him. But this past Friday (the first day of spring break) he was being very short with me through his texts. I thought he might just be having a hard day so I told him that I would talk to him when he got home and that I was so excited to see him. When he got home he sent me a couple of short texts asking if I was home and that we needed to talk. Naturally I thought he needed to talk about his dad so said of course and went to talk to him outside. When I saw him, he gave me the most lifeless hug and barely held onto me. I asked him what was wrong and he said this: "This is going to be really hard, but I don't think we should date anymore." Naturally I was in complete shock, I had no idea this was coming. I couldn't even cry I was in so much shock. He gave me a plethora of reasons as to why we should break up, so I will put them in a separate paragraph.

 

He said it was because of the distance, how whenever I move off to the university I want to go to, I'll be 3 hours away from him and that he can barely stand being away from me now. He also said that he was constantly distracted by me because he talked/thought about me all of the time, and that his grades were dropping because of it. He also told me that his dad tried to kill himself and that he was probably going to die pretty soon and he was dealing with that. He also said he was partying too much, and that was also attributing to his grades dropping (I'm not really sure what that has to do with me, but whatever). He also told me that his best friend (who is a girl who used to have a giant crush on him, but he doesn't know that) said that our relationship was immature and that he had big shoe to fill when compared to my past boyfriend, and that my best friend really did not like him (all of these were blatant lies, but with him being so insecure, he believed her). But the reason that hurt the most and made the least amount of sense to me, was that he said that he wanted to stop being together because he was becoming too attached to me too quickly and that he didn't want either of us to get hurt.

 

Naturally I was devastated, this was not the guy who I was falling in love with, this was a stranger talking to me from his body. And what was really weird was that the whole time we were breaking up (about 20 minutes) he kept coming over to me and holding me and hugging me, as if he really didn't want to do what he was doing or something like that. He left it saying that I could contact him whenever I wanted to and that he was so sorry and that I was completely allowed to called him an ******* or a douchebag or whatever I wanted to call him. I called him nothing, I was too hurt. I cried for days after he did that. I haven't heard from him, and I haven't contacted him.

 

One of my best friends is really good friends with him and talked to him about it, not for me of course, but just because she wanted to know why he did it. I was relieved to find out it wasn't because of another girl, but she interpretted that he just really needed some time for himself and that I should move on. What I don't get is why he would push me away, when I have expressed to him that I wanted to help him through whatever he was going through and wanted to be there to support him through anything. My question to y'all is this; do you think it's really over? Or do you think he is going to realize what he is doing and contact me again? I just really want to hear it from someone other than my protective best friend and mom who are constantly saying "he's a piece of crap" and "you deserve so much better". They might be mad at him, but I'm not. And the truth is I would take him back if he were to call me and say he was sorry. I'm not waiting around on him to call me, but I am not going to go out of my way to date anyone else right now.

 

I also have to give him back his jacket and this present I sent him for valentine's day (it came back to me in the mail the day after he broke up with me with a note that said the address was invalid. go figure right?). The present is a pillow pet bear (I called him osito, which in spanish means teddy bear) and a note that tells him how much I appreciate him and that I am so glad that he's been around for the past few months. Do you think this will affect him in any way?

 

Again, if you read this entire thing, thank you very much. You are really a trooper to get through this whiny teenage heartbreak story. If any of you could offer me any advice as to what I should do, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

[relaxing]

Is it really over? As of right now, its over. Realistically speaking, his 'reasons' are simply watered down version of 'I don't feel the same way anymore, let's break up!'

 

Do I think he'll realize what he did and contact you again and say sorry? Probably not girl. That only happens in movies. The chances are so low that I would not hold any hope for it. Your mother and best friend are probably correct with you deserving so much better though.

 

What you need to do right now is stop sending him any presents or letters. Its a form of manipulation and he's already made up his mind with breaking up with you. He said we wanted time alone for himself, and you should respect it! This is where No Contact comes in. That's what he truly wants, and if you really love him then you set him free. There's nothing you can do to control his decisions. Take this time to appreciate being single again; hang out with some friends, talk to your family members, do things you like! This is a rough time, so try to avoid being down in the dumps and do things that make you happy.

 

Cheers, relaxing

[zep]

You just have to move on. People fall in love, people fall out of love. This guy is making it really clear he doesn't want to be with you anymore, and his feelings have changed. Thats just the way things go. That's why he's pushing you away. Trust me when someone is in love with someone and wants to be with them, bad childhoods and family stress don't matter. That stuff is not the reason you guys broke up. You broke up because he doesn't want to be with you anymore, end of story. I think you sending him presents and notes will annoy him. I've been the dumper and I know how he feels. He doesn't want to hear from you.

 

Focus on yourself and your future. The part of your life with him in it is over and a new chapter has begun. Hang out with friends, make new friends, start new hobbies, fill your life and thoughts with new things. You'll be fine.

[skawaearl]

Yeah I think you guys are right, I just don't get how the day before he can go on about how pretty I am and how he likes me so much, and then the next day he breaks up with me out of the blue! UGH. It sucks, but thanks for your advice!