ex always seems to pop up when things are starting to go good

[cladding]

about 9 months broken up now,

 

personally, I still like her, fancy her, still love her I think, but got the impression after the break up that it was only ever gonna be a friends only relationship after, if even....

 

now I've stayed friends, even if its tortured me at times, Im not in contact with her much, maybe every second week or so I'll have a chat with her (she was my best mate for over 7 years, so ...)

 

but lately, whenever I seem to be feeling alright, going off doing my own thing and trying to get over things, she pops into my life with all stuff from the past and our break up ...

 

Im going away to a place we were both supposed to go to for a trip with friends, and when she found out I got dealt with the "why didnt you go with me" card... she also went back on about our break up and why I didnt try harder to get her back, and was she not worth it ???

 

now, the reason I didnt try harder was I got told out straight I had a few things to sort out, both personality wise, and my lifestyle, a lot of these things wouldn't be a "quick fix" ... and even if they were fixed it would involve getting back together so I could show her I'd have changed, which seemed a no go at the time, that she wouldnt give me a chance..

 

so, I swallowed my pride, and held my hands up in defeat .... it hurt unbelievably, and she knows that, and still knows that (I actually got upset for the first time in months on the phone to her when she brought all this up again) .....

 

but whats her agenda ?? whenever this happens, I answer all her questions, hints that she liked being with me and maybe we could get back together some day, yet she gets cagey whenever I even hint at maybe even dating again, or even just being better friends, which she says we're not because "I dont put in the effort " anymore, yet if I wanted to see her or anythin I'd nearly have to book a week in advance, whereas when I was with her she'd drop down anytime...

 

am I being played for a fool and being her emotional blowout person when things maybe aren't going great for her but when I do fine ??

 

I really could do without this mind**** every so often when I think things are starting to go ok in my life. ...

[Summers12]

It seems the most obvious option however hard it may be is to drop contact until you find a way of getting over her, you could toughen up a bit with her and next time she calls maybe let her know what she's doing to you and you can't do it anymore, she is probably acting like this because she knows that she can, thriving off the fact that she knows you care for her so. I am not doubting that he cares for you but it seems a more selfish way than the care you're showing..