Absent father returning...once again

[beckkkk]

I have 3 children with my ex-husband. When I remarried he wanted my husband to adopt them. He did not want to pay child support. It was a tough decision but he did adopt them. His money was more important than his children. Fast forward 9 YEARS. My oldest wanted to contact him. I wrote a letter explaining that they would like contact. It would be great if he would also. However, if he could not remain in their lives then please do not bother. He was extremely excited. He drove 9 hrs the next week to see them. For the next 2 years he talked/ text them several times per week. He came to older son's high school graduation. He acknowledged birthdays, etc. They spent a week in summer w/him and would see him over holidays when I visited my family. He was very much a part of their lives.

 

One year ago all contact stopped. The kids would try to get ahold of him but no reply. He totally ignored daughter's high school graduation, kids birthdays, everything. We attempted to see if he was ok...no response. NOW he has popped up once again. He is contacting my 2nd child(daughter) and not the other 2. He is claiming he is going to send her money for graduation/birthday(a year later). She told him NO....she has 2 brothers and that is not fair to them. His reply..."I don't have 2 jobs". Also, his reply to why he cut contact for 1 year..."I was stressed over some things". Really...REALLY?? I have 4 children now, 2 in college, 3 car payments, a house, work nights as an RN, don't live close to family....while him and his wife(no children and both work) live their stressed life. Please...

 

I say there is NO reason to ever cut contact or do that to kids TWICE. I am so afraid he is going to do it again and they will be hurt. The older 2 are 20 and 18 and can make their decisions. The 20 yr old says no thanks...18 yr old is my sweet, trusts everyone, daughter and is confused. The other is 16 and wants nothing to do with him.

 

Just wondering thoughts on this situation. Thanks.

[Moontiger]

Well, it sounds like two of your children are making the healthy choice of tell him to buzz off.

 

Your 18 year old sounds like me. I give people chance after chance. IMO, all you can do is be there for her tell her to do what she feels is right and that you will be there to support her 100%.