I dont want my gf to go out clubbing....

[faerietale]

Honestly, in my opinion, she cannot blame it on the alcohol for her actions. To make matters worse, you were there with her that night, too. I totally understand your concerns and I would be pissed, too. There's nothing else you can do but to trust her if she promises not to do it again. Of course, this will take time since trust is very hard to gain and it doesn't sound like her actions convinced you of her loyalty.

 

Oh, I've been to clubs and lounges both single and in a relationship and no matter how much I drink, with or without my boyfriend,I am ALWAYS aware of my actions regarding what I do with other men.

[willdation]

Be honest, if an ugly dude danced up on the OP's girlfriend, do you think she'd dance with him or move away?

 

What does that tell you about her motives and her ability to control her actions when it suits her?

 

 

You are completely right. That very night as soon as an ugly guy got within a few feet from her on the dance floor, she would physically push him away. But as soon as this other guy came around, it was her on him, looking into his eyes, talking into his ear, smiling, and laughing....

 

So, I guess what I will do is just wait and see what happens this weekend. If she is really drunk and "too tired" to even say goodnight, I will just break up and move on and find a girl who treats me with the same respect that she asks of me (if I danced like that with another girl, my gf said she would be very jealous).

[EssexMan]

If she is really drunk and "too tired" to even say goodnight, I will just break up and move on and find a girl who treats me with the same respect that she asks of me (if I danced like that with another girl, my gf said she would be very jealous).

 

But this isn't really about dancing or drinking or tiredness at all, is it? It's all about the fact that it's a long-distance relationship and - as your post indicates - you fundamentally don't trust her.

 

I"m not saying you're right or wrong there. But let's suppose she calls you stone cold sober at a reasonable getting-home time tonight...are these worries of yours going to go away next time she goes out with a friend?

 

Or, are you looking for a reason to break up?

[willdation]

Well, If she did come home not completely intoxicated and was able to say good night, yes, I would feel a little better and would be able to trust her more the next time she went out since she is at least putting in a little effort...

 

Otherwise, it is not worth my time and the headache and I would rather find a girl who can go clubbing and still be respectful.

[stranger88]

If someone wants to go out and drink you need to observe how they are when they go out and drink.

 

Look at past evidence to base your facts on. But dude, whatever you do, don't tell her not to go. That will not go well for you ,there are two options, either she will resent you and stay with you leading to her either dumping you or cheating on you or secondly she will just dump you.

 

So basically what I am saying is there is a no win situation by telling her what to do. It is completely unreasonable to tell her to never go clubbing.

 

I think for me its always been a how regularly thing, if she hasn't done it since christmas then i highly doubt this is a too frequently thing.

 

You are feeling too insecure due to the distance, but if you start telling her what to do the relationship will be done anyway. Maybe you should just end it.

[willdation]

Yea, I never said she could not go. I will just say she should go and enjoy herself and have fun...

 

However, there does seem to be a double-standard. I have a really good friend that is a girl and she wanted to at least see me to say goodbye before I left Europe, but my gf refused this. She also does not want me going clubbing every month and living as she put, "a student lifestyle."

 

Anyway, I will just encourage her to have fun and not say anything and just see what happens. If she comes back that night drunk where she does not know what happened and does not want to talk....then it is over. End of story.

[allcity]

Good for you! IMO the cornerstones of a good relationship are friendship, respect, loyalty and a willingness to understand each other's feelings and compromise where necessary (or at least to not set blatant double-standards and pass the buck when problems arise). And she doesn't seem willing to do many (or any?) of these things, yet expects you to totally be that guy.

 

Despite my comments earlier, I wouldn't necessarily say you should dump her right away, though. Just pull back, be a bit unavailable and mysterious and see how she reacts. These kind of situations can often be resolved by just turning the tables and making her realise how much she loves you and wants to keep you. Possibly you're just a bit too available right now?

 

Be really charming and flirty with her but just a bit too busy to talk for a while. Remind her with your actions that you're an awesome guy that she'd be mad to lose and let her think that you're out dancing with some other women for a while and see what happens. Nine times out of ten, she'll start working harder for your attention and the problem vanishes.

 

Every guy in the world needs to know that if you're too loving, available and willing to accept bad behaviour, you're just setting yourself up for a fall. And if you're not loving enough, too unavailable and flip out at any perceived bad behaviour, however minor, you're in trouble too.

 

Ride that fine line down the middle, though, and all these GF troubles just fade away and you find yourself getting showered with attention, chased constantly and you will end up with a GF that goes out of her way to make you stay with her, rather than the other way around. Give it a try.

 

And DO NOT play your hand and tell her that her behaviour is making you jealous and uncomfortable. No good will come of it. Just lead with your actions and not with your words. If your actions remind her how amazing you are and then also remind her that you're not a sure-thing unless she earns your love, then she'll have to make a choice pretty quickly.

 

If she still acts up, then ditch her. You deserve better and she needs to wise up and be that woman. Hot club-guys might look good to her right now, but that only lasts for so long (usually only until the booze wears off). And then she'll realise what a moron she's being and how she needs to step up.