How to break the cycle after being dumped.

[Looptd]

It's been two months after I was blindsided and dumped from a 7 yr relationship. We had never really had problems and never broken up after year 1. But then she needed space and to find herself. We dated since she started college and now she needs to see if she can do it on her own.

After first being dumped I made all the typical needy mistakes for the first couple weeks. Then I started giving her space. A quick happy Bday msg, and Congrats msg on a something for work was I sent her.

 

 

Now it's almost 2 months and I'm stuck in the cycle.

She'll come back

I don't need her I'll be ok

I doubt I'll ever be happy again, I miss her so much

Anger she left me

I'll win her back...

 

 

Depressed

Scared

Panic

Sad

Angry

Confident

Motivated

 

I can't find any momentum to happiness. I think I'm making progress then I spiral out of control. I don't know where I am, or what she's thinking.

 

Any little triggers can set my emotions in a completely new direction from minutes ago. Whether it brings up memories, or I find out she misses me(which I know would be normal even if she knows she's gone for good), Or I picture her moving on with someone else.

 

I just need some help and advice to try and get my head on straight and keep it on.

[ChellyV]

hi loop, i am truly sorry you are going through this toughest phase of a break up. it is normal and nothing is wrong with what you are feeling. what you need is will power to move on and that will only come from you. she has apparently made up her mind and perhaps it is time both of you discover what is out there for each of you. although you are not in that mindset, unfortunately someone pushed you to be there. move on and try to heal. there will be bumps along the way but you will make it, like all of us here.

first of all, NC is the key. and that includes all social media and everything else that would give you information about her. do not seek it out. get rid of all memorabilias and the like. then create a social routine for you as a single person - church activities or community volunteering. there is joy in being single!

[Looptd]

Thanks. but there's just one problem - I was ready to settle down and start a family. Now I 'm back to square one and I don't want to wait another few years. I wish it was with her, but if I hang around and wait then I'm delaying even further, or I may rush into a relationship and end up somewhere I shouldn't be because of this and my fear that I will not find the "right one" again.

 

Throw into the mix my friends are all married or will be with in a few months which doesn't help the single life. Add on I come from a big family and all are happily married with kids. So if misery love company I am have none. Everywhere I turn is happy relationships.