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need some help regarding ex of 3 years

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i'll try to make this as short as i can and to the point: i dated a great girl for 3 years and thought everything was going great, then 10 months ago, she dropped a bomb on me. she wanted to see other people. i know what that means because it has been said to me before. we still talk to each other and both understand that it was both of our faults for the breakup. i was a jealous person and made her feel guilty, she would never speak her mind and tell me when things were wrong, so her lack of communication and my jealousy really caused this breakup. i didn't want to let her go, but i had to. she did her partying, she ended up seeing other people and here we are present day. we had very little contact over the last 10 months. well recently i started seeing a girl about 1 month ago. then while talking to the ex, she asked me what i did over the weekend. i told her i went out (very vague answer yes, but we agreed while we were broken up to not tell the other party if we were seeing other people unless they wanted to know) so i told her i've been seeing someone else. right after i told her that, she told me she still loves me so much and basically i'm "the one" for her. while she said she isn't ready to be with me yet (she says she wants time to herself for a while still) she sees herself with me in the future. i asked her if i was not dating another girl would she have told me her feelings? she said yes she would have. she does admit she is jealous that i'm seeing someone else, but she can't do anything about that. i went through 10 months of being so lonely and finally started consistently dating someone else, now the ex tells me these things. so as you can see it confused the heck out of me. now i've only known this new girl for one month, but as of now i still miss my ex a ton and see myself with her as well. (even though the ex doesn't want to start things over for a while, she doesn't know when she'll be ready, she just isn't ready right now for a relationship. but i am) i guess my heart is still with my ex, yet i want a relationship now, and i have that new girl i've been dating. but it seems i have a tough choice to make. the new girl i'm seeing doesn't want to be a rebound and i told her she wouldnt be (i told her this BEFORE my ex told me her feelings for me. you see i thought i was over my ex because i have moved on, i thought my ex wanted nothing to do with me on a relationship level). so now i risk hurting this new girl who really likes me, i like her alot as well, just not on the same level as my ex. so anyone with insight on this please help. and to make things worse, the new girl and i both made it clear that we want more than the usual making out, and there is alot of sexual tension between us. if i sleep with her i dont know how it will affect any sort of future with my ex. thanks everyone

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I have this comments / opinions for you based on my experience.


1) No matter what your ex tells you, she is NOT ready yet. She can ALWAYS change her mind later. Words always can change. Its the ACTION that matters. She has to really want a relationship with you and show that she means it by Action. She has not . So I would take it as nothing much more than words .


2) You have been alone for 10 months. You found yourself a girl who really does care and like you. She is showing it by ACTION not just words. You like her and she likes you too.


So ask yourself, do you want someone who is only willing to give you words or someone who is ready to have a relationship with you and is showing it in ACTION.


Your ex might like you and all and she MIGHT get back with you. But she is not ready too. BUT also realize, she might change her mind again, although she NOW knows you're the one, LATER , she can realize you're not the one. Do you want to take the chance?


I would go with the girl you're currently with as long as you truly like her for who she is. Your feelings for ex are greater becoz, she is an ex, this girl is only being with you for one month.


If your girl truly loves you and cares for you. She would respect your decision to be with this girl becoz she she is not ready to be with you.


BUT ONLY go with this girl, becoz you're interested in her, and not for rreasons such as loneliness, sex etc.


take care.



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Recovering Lover is right...I am living throught the same thing.


Word are words...they are a beginning. My ex (who dumped me also) has given me the same words. But until your ex is ready to really get back together, don't put your life on hold. I KNOW how hard it is, because you don't really want to get involved in something else because underneath you want to be free..."just in case"...but you also want a relationship.


If you have found someone that you really like, go with it. Don't let the possiblility with you ex taint what might be a great new relationship.


It is great that your ex is missing you and obvioulsy thinking about you. But there is a big difference between that and really putting effort to try things again. I am learning that too. REMEMBER.....actions do speak louder than words. It is a long, hard road to reconciliation, and even then it is only a precarious beginning with no guarantees....

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Thanks you two.. you are right, words are WORDS. and all i shouldn't put my life on hold. what i am going to do though is tell her that when she is ready, to let me know, but i also told her that i may not be ready at that point because i may be seeing someone else. she understands that and she said that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. all i can say to that is we'll see how are feelings are toward each other when that time comes. i did meet a great girl and i'd hate to just break her heart and tell her i'm getting back with my ex. it's not just about the sex either, the new girl has alot of qualities i like about her and need to give it a chance. i put my life on hold for long enough and i finally found someone to enjoy hanging out/being with.

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