First love broke up due to incompatibility and sent me a closure letter?

[tiger1644]

I understand this is long, but I'd really appreciate any replies.

 

Me and my ex dated for three years, both first loves and twenty years old, and broke up almost three months ago. About a month before the breakup, we started arguing more than usual. He lost his job, he was breaking his lease and moving back in with his mom, he was deciding whether to go to school, etc. We eventually got into an argument over his family's beliefs (alien gods, psychics, etc) and I took it too emotional than necessary. In the moment I was upset, but I realized the next day how much I overreacted. I questioned our future and told him I just wanted to go home and be alone. He walked back into his grandparent's house, sobbing, saying "I hurt her really bad - I can tell."

 

The next day, he was angry but we seemingly worked things out and agreed that it was all a misunderstanding. However, he still told his entire family the things I said - so they were upset, too. For the next two weeks, he broke up with me (always over the phone) and got back together with me twice. He would want me / ignore me / get angry with me / breakup. He said I broke his heart.

 

During the breakups he listed these reasons: you're not affectionate enough, you leave when you're mad, my family doesn't like you now, I don't want to risk getting hurt again, I can't forget the things you said, etc. I even asked if the affection and leaving issue were the only problems he had with me. He said yes. He called our relationship bittersweet and said it was a learning experience for the both of us. However, the reason that hurt the most: "It's not either of our faults, we just aren't compatible." That one cut deep.

 

We agree on every major issue: lifestyle, politics, morals, ethics, etc. We agreed on religion to an extent and sometimes argued when the issue got pushed too far. When we did fight, however, it was over the smallest things. I don't express myself well and my ex can't take criticism and stonewalls. He said I needed to "stand by him" and could never agree to disagree. So this led to us fighting over how AIDS started or whether people should work on the fourth of July. It's stupid - but something to work on, not breakup over.

 

He pleaded me to apologize to his family, which I did. They were very nice and understanding. However, I talked to them a few days after the breakup and it was different. His mom said he was with his friends every day trying to forget me and cut his losses. She said he didn't see a future with me so broke up sooner rather than later. His grandpa said "I don't know what's going on in his mind but he's over it and I don't see any hope for you. Too much water under the bridge, I guess."

 

After the final breakup, he ignored me completely. I went to his house after a week because I was so upset. He yelled at me in front of his entire family while I stood there and cried - he called me crazy repeatedly, get out of my life, there's nothing to talk about, I used to love you but not anymore, even threatened to punch me and call the police on me. I left after a few minutes and didn't have contact with him for six weeks.

 

I (stupidly) sent him this email after six weeks of no contact: link removed

 

He quickly replied: link removed

 

Heart breaking. His email doesn't make sense. To protect me? Because you love me more? Different directions? I asked him for clarification and he ignored me. He won't talk to me or give me any answers. I've been in no contact since and plan to stick with it. It's been four weeks now since that email.

 

He may be planning on volunteering to deploy or going active duty (he's currently in the National Guard). He was going to go to tech school, but he may have changed his mind. I have no idea if that has anything to do with this.

 

We lived together for seven months and it was great. Over the summer, he even told his army buddies and his mom that he was planning on buying an engagement ring. He was always planning our future. He wrote me letters when he was away for four months (army) about how he "had a connection with me like no one else" and how I was his "one true girl."

 

Any advice or suggestions? I can't believe how love can leave like that - I could never hurt him in this way and never imagined he could do this to me, either. I've dropped weight to where I'm only 110 lbs - and I'm 5'10! I'm afraid he'll always look back on this decision as correct because "we're incompatible." I experience so much anxiety over this and I don't know how to handle it.

[squirl]

This is a duplicate of an earlier post.

 

It makes sense from the point of you said elsewhere his family are Scientologists. Do you know what that is?

 

Honestly, you have dodged the bullet of a lifetime.

 

Look at the facts - He talked about calling the POLICE and with his entire family told you it's over.

 

Unlike other situations, he really means it when he says you are incompatible. You may want to read some articles about what happens to people who try to leave the church of scientology.

 

Please take care of yourself, enjoy the memories, but start looking forward. This one is out of your hands.

[tiger1644]

They're not a part of Scientology - I just used that phrase earlier because I didn't know how else to describe it without getting wordy. They don't belong to any organized religion and believe in healing powers, alien gods, psychics, Jesus as an alien hybrid, etc etc. They left the Catholic church, read a lot of books, and came up with their own set of beliefs.

 

But thanks for the post.