In my dreams...

[Zani]

My Dream:

 

I’m in the passenger seat of a car. I feel disorientated. I must’ve been asleep. I take in my surroundings to try and remember where I am and what I’m doing. I see the snow patched summit of a mountain surrounded by a perfect blue sky ahead of me. I’m sure I’ve been here before. The car begins to slow down and is eventually at a standstill. I look over to the drivers seat and see Will with a puzzled look on his face. I panic for a moment. What on earth am I doing in a car, half way up a mountain with another man? My boyfriend will be furious. I glance back to Will and ask him what’s wrong but before he has time to answer I see what the problem is. There’s another car ahead and we’re on a narrow dirt road high above the clouds. There’s not enough room for the other car to drive around us but it continues in our direction at great speed. I wave my arms to alert the driver but it’s too late. Our car is jolted off the road.

Everything is in slow motion. I panic for a few seconds and desperately grab at the sky. I look below me and realise the inevitable. I take one last look at the mountain and feel fortunate that the last thing I will see is something so beautiful. I face Will and I notice there’s no car. We are free falling through the sky. I see the reflection of the mountain in his eyes and without thinking I tell him to kiss me. Everything surrounding us becomes bright white as we fall through the clouds. All I see is him. He tells me to close my eyes.

‘I love you, Will.’ I say as I gently close my eyes.

’I love you too.’

I felt no pain. I had no fear. I died with a smile.

 

After such a beautiful dream I woke up next to my boyfriend feeling horribly guilty and confused. I always plan to tell Will that I cannot be with him but I can never bring myself to tell him. I'm beginning to wonder if my attraction to Will is much more than a mutual crush. Am I actually in love with him? What should I do?

 

I haven't cheated on my boyfriend, but after my dream I feel like I have. I'm really confused. Advice please!

[LikeWater]

Give me some info on Will. How do you know him? How long have you known him? You mentioned mutual attraction. You're saying that you're attracted to him and you know that he's attracted to you as well?

[Zani]

Hi LikeWater,

I've known Will for a few months. He's a friend of a friend. My boyfriend and myself met Will on a night out and we all got on well together. At the end of the night Will asked me for my number in front of my boyfriend and I gave it him because I thought he'd make a great friend. Usually, if a guy asked me for my number I'd mention that I'm in a relationship etc. but under the circumstances it didn't seem necessary and my boyfriend was fine with it too.

 

I can only imagine Will didn't realise I was in a relationship with my boyfriend. I find this a little bit strange, myself and my boyfriend don't look very 'coupley' but surely one of our mutual friends would've said something?

 

I met up with Will a couple of weeks after that night. I assumed we were hanging out as friends and nothing happened to suggest otherwise, but as we've become better friends I've noticed the way he looks at me. Around valentines day Will gave me a romantic gift too, so his attraction is unmistakeable.

 

I keep meeting up with Will with the intention of telling him about me being in a relationship but I can never bring myself to tell him. At first I thought I was putting off telling him because I was 'waiting for the right time' and I didn't want to hurt his feelings...But I'm starting to worry that the reason I haven't told him is because I like him.

[mcgoldrick]

Yes, you do like him. But I doubt it could be love. You're just thinking too hard. You dont need to.

What you are doing here knowingly or unknowingly is that you are keeping your options open if you ever broke up with your boyfriend, and as you like Will, you want to keep that option. Do you think that gift he gave you on valentines day was friendly or something more? How did he give it to you?

[LikeWater]

Oh, come on. Don't be silly. If you like someone you know you like them. Be honest with yourself, and with us here at eNA. You like Will. You're already in a relationship, though. This is a problem.

 

How do you really feel about your boyfriend? I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that you're not really in love with him, and that's why this whole thing with Will has been so tantalizing to you. You might be comfortable with your boyfriend. You might really like him. But are you truly in love with him? I'm thinking you're not (admittedly, this is is just a guess from the vibes I'm getting from what you've written.)

 

What you've been doing with Will thus far may seem innocent to you, but it's really not. You're leading Will on by refusing to reveal that you're already in a relationship, and you also know that an attraction is growing with Will yet you continue to hang out with him as 'friends', which is a betrayal to your boyfriend. It's fine to be attracted to others while in a relationship. That much is normal. It's important that we don't act on these attractions though, and whether you can see it or not you are acting on this attraction.

 

Let's be real, though. You really only have two options here. Will likes you, and you're starting to like him. The only thing you can do is either tell Will you have a boyfriend and cut him out of your life, or leave your boyfriend and pursue something with Will. There can be no in between here. You have to choose one or the other.

[LikeWater]

Oh, wow.

 

I just went back and read your previous thread. You are not happy within your relationship AT ALL. And understandably so.

 

You need to break things off with your boyfriend. Even if Will wasn't in the picture, you are not happy within your relationship, and you're definitely not in love with your boyfriend.

 

Break things off with the boyfriend, and then what you do from there is entirely up to you.

[Zani]

*sigh* Ok then, Yes, I like him...But I don't want to.

 

My boyfriend and I get on well, but there's no romance and we're little more than friends, however, I know I can trust him and he's like part of my family. I guess the reality is I'm comfortable with my boyfriend even though I don't feel loved by him.

 

I love my boyfriend but I'm probably not in love with him...I'm pretty sure he feels the same way too.

[LikeWater]

Well, there are no guarantees in life. Were you to end it with your boyfriend and pursue something with Will, there's no guarantee that he would turn out to be a great guy who gives you all the love and romance you've always desired.

 

However, it's possible that could be exactly what would happen with him.

 

You have to make a decision here. Keep living 'comfortably' with your boyfriend or break things off and pursue a potentially better partner.

 

The choice is yours.

[Zani]

You're right LikeWater.

 

I'm glad you read my previous post because I didn't want to explain all that over again. (For those who haven't read my previous post, basically my boyfriend has been rather aggressive recently.)

 

The only reason I haven't left my boyfriend already is because I'm holding onto the past when things between us was better. I talked to my boyfriend about the problems that I mentioned in my previous post and he has promised to never do it again. I believe him, but I think the damage has already been done.

[LikeWater]

I know you didn't ask for my opinion on this, but I strongly suggest you break up with your boyfriend. Advising people to break up with their SOs is not something I do very often, because I do believe in trying to make things work. However, in this case, I just don't think this is ever going to be a truly happy relationship. I believe you deserve better.

 

Perhaps you'll find that with Will.

 

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

[lostandhurt]

First off you like the attention you are getting from Will plain and simple. Second you are building a fantasy relationship in your head with him. This is not real but it is not respectful of your boyfriend or your current relationship. Emotional cheating is still cheating.

 

End your relationship and then spend some time figuring out what you want for your life. Tell Will after you break up with your bf that you aren't in a good place to date anyone as you just broke up with your long time bf and need some time to decide what you want for your life.

 

Don't hurt anyone anymore than they will already be hurt by your actions. Your bf will be hurt about the break up but he will be devastated by your cheating. Will deserves honesty from you which you have omitted.

 

Do the right thing to keep from causing more pain for everyone...

 

Lost

[jmb86]

Zani-

 

This situation is very similar to mine....I was the boyfriend. Although, my relationship ended, I was more hurt by the emotional cheating and how quickly she exited our relationship to get right back into another one.

 

Please, please talk to your boyfriend. You need to be honest to your BF about how you feel about the relationship. You need to ask him how he feels about your relationship. You need to decided if you want to improve your current relationship and what steps that need to be taken to do so, if you decide on that route.

 

If you decide to stick it out with your BF, you need to tell him everything about Will. You will need to cut Will out of the picture.

 

Unfortunately, it's too late for you to have your BF and a friendship with Will.

 

Remember, Will has very little invested with you. You have a lot invested with your BF, and you need to realize what you will be losing, letting go, memories, friends and family if you decide to end your current relationship.

 

It will be very, very hard to repair your relationship if your BF finds out what's going on.

 

After you talk to your BF, you need to be upfront with Will. DO NOT tell him you have feeling for him if you are going to work things out with your BF. This will complicate things. Be prepared because he will ask you if you like him. This is where you tell him exactly how you feel about your BF.

[jmb86]

Can you give us an update?