So confused, best friend/fwb

[Mslexie]

Hey guys, sorry this is going to be so long but my head is melted and I would really appreciate advice or anything at all that would help me understand what to do.

 

The back story is, I've been friends with this guy since last may. We met online, not on a dating site and neither of us were looking for a relationship. We chatted pretty much every day and got really close but i was afraid to meet him incase I repulsed him or we didnt get on in real life. We agreed we would try friends with benefits but we were really close when out of the blue in September he text me and told me he had been on a date with another woman, a date his housemate set up and that he went on and had planned on asking her out again. I hooked up with my ex and all was well until we met in person 6 weeks later.

 

We got on exactly the same as we did on text, it wasn't weird at all and we got on really well. That night he text me again and asked if we could hang out the following week. We hung out a bit and went to cinema and sat in his car looking out onto the sea, cuddling in the car. We got really close despite me still hookinh up with my ex and him still casually seeing the other girl.

 

Somewhere between us meeting and us sleeping together (a month between) he ended it with the girl but didnt tell me until the night we hooked up. He was spending the night with me as it was a tough anniversary for me and I didnt want to be alone. We ended up sleeping together and afterwards he was a bit weird with me saying he didnt want sex to ruin what we had. We got over that, things were good, we were having sex regularly, would spend the night together and would do something nice together the next day like cinema and food or cuddles by the sea.

 

We hooked up for the last time about a month ago, and things were fine afterwards. I'm having a hard time at home and that weekend he was going out with his cousin and I was very upset. I was drunk when he text me that night and he later told me he felt like I was pushing him away. It was weird between us for over a week until he told me he didnt think it was a good idea for us to have sex anymore and that I was one of his closest friends and that he found it hard not to get closer to me while we were hooking up. He said that each time we had sex he felt closer and he didnt want to end up hurting me or getting hurt himself, as he's moving to a different country in a couple of months. He said that he had thought about not going but that he had to, he had to go because he's no longer happy here. I understand that and told him I wouldn't stop him going and understood he had to leave and I didnt want us to end until he had to go. He said it'd b worse then, it'd hurt more.

 

I pushed him a little bit more saying was it really a bad thing if we did get "too close" he said yes. He said we both agreed we didn't want a relationship but that it was starting to feel like one, and he didnt want one and that he was honest about that from day one.

 

We met in person for the first time since we last had sex last week. He was different, he didnt want to hold my hand and he was giving awkward hugs, not holding me like he usually did. I asked him if he was trying to distance himself from me, he said he was. We chatted for a couple hours and he went to hug me again, this time it was a proper hug, he buried his head in my shoulder and we just held each other, he never did that before, he usually puts his chin on my head when we hug. Afterwards, we held hands properly and he was playing with my fingers. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when he was leaving and told me I mean the world to him. He's stopped trying to push me away since we met in person and he's promised to take me to the zoo soon, but there's still no mention of sex anymore.

 

He's also getting jealous of me hanging out with guys, I spent sat night with my ex and he was pretty upset about it initially and then said he didn't mind, if I wanted to hang out with my ex I could.

He had told me before that he felt he always came second to my ex, now I'm so confused I don't know what to do or how to get him back.

 

I've really fallen for him and didnt expect to since I swore off relationships, we've both been single a long time, him 2 years, me 3.

Please help me get him back

[LoveHim]

I don't think you can get him back. You told him you wouldn't stop him from leaving, he really needs to leave and you said you would be understanding...so stick by that.

 

Support him and be his friend, don't put pressure on him to stay or have a relationship or he will hold it against you later.