He is going back to the US.....

[jenna2510]

Hey everybody,

 

I really hope somebody can give me some advice on this.

 

In January 2004 I met a nice guy..never thought it would end up like this but oh well. Now we found out that he has to go back to the US. I'm in Europe. I'm 23 and he's 22 years old. We love each other very much. The relationship is perfect. When he goes back he would have to find a job etc. I'm not really committed here to anything. I could go with him and I would do it. But he's afraid. He wants to in a way but then again he says "when he thinks with his brain" he doesn't. I tried to end it now just because I thought it would be easier for me but I can't. I call him again and tell him that I want to be with him. And he does, too. We have both cried so much together because we want to be with each other and think that we can't.

 

It would be very nice to hear what you have to say about this.

 

Love,

 

Jenna

[reborn]

I was in a similar situation. Unfortunately, my ex didn't want to continue with me, he broke up with me and said he wanted to see other people before I left, though we remained together sort of until the very end.

When you have to separate from someone you love is very, very hard. I know it because I've been there before. I too was willing to do anything it took to stay near him, even though at the time it implied getting a job, an appartment, and a work visa, and I had no money at the time either, but I would have manadge to stay, stupid as that would have probably been to my own carreer development, because Im the type of passional person driven by the force of love to do this sort of crazy thing. I the end I didn't because my ex thought more with his head, and he sort of felt he had to make a big choice between commitment to our relationship and commitment to his carreer at a crucial time for him professionally which for him was all of nothing. Anyway, this is not about my case, just wanted to let you know what I went through cause I know where you are coming from.

It is really hard to be separated from the one you love. But when it comes to such big changes such as moving from continents, the heart is put in a very disadvantageous situation. There are things such as living expenses, visas, etc. that must be considered. For example if you are European and decide to follow him to the US you cannot just stay here forever. Also you need to have money to maintain yourself, if you plan to live here you will need to work and that would imply getting a work visa or a greencard that is really hard to obtain. Maybe your parents can support you, but for how long? He can help out by marrying you and helping you get an american passport, but are you two ready for this type of commitment? This type of preassure too early on in a relationship can break a relationship that would have been headed for marriage down the road, in my opinion. But hey, maybe he wants that too. Whatever the case scenario just know that from a logistical sense moving to another country is a bit complicated. One solution may be for you to apply to a university near where he would be. But if he doesn't have a job yet, and is still looking he still be open to different locations, so you may be able to consider this down the line.

Also moving, thus very romantic, implies a huge personal change. You are no longer around your family or friends. Even if you are not too close with your family, believe me when you are in a foreing country you do miss them. Imagine if you have a big fight with your bf, and you get sick. That brings me to medical insurance too. You need to have that covered in case you get sick or in an accident or something. Believe me when we life at home in a familiar environment and with a huge support system both of our family, the people that know us and even the social security system we miss them when we suddenly have to build that up again or find replacements in a foreing country.

I don't mean to discourage you jenna, but I do want you to take into consideration the many factors that involve moving to another country before you do that just for a guy. I did it. I stayed in my ex country to be near him, because I was in love. I went through lots of hardship and at the end there are no guarantees. You can get married, you can break up and all you are left is with who you are and your own resources in a foreing country.

You are both very young. I kow this doesn't take the pain away, but you will be meeting lots of people contantly while still keeping in touch with him. Things have a way of happening naturally. The best thing, and something that you have working for you is that you both feel the same way and can give each other support and constantly contact each other specially those first few days and weeks. Just keep in touch with him and play it by ear, how does he feel about long distance relatioships. Maybe after being away for a little you both realize you are each others soulmate and want to get married or something. Many possibilities can happen so don't be so see it as so black and white. Love, if it is really true love, always finds the way, you know. Trust that.

 

No matter what it will be harder for you, because he is the one leaving and going into a new environment. You are staying and he will be removed from your environment. I think you should take a trip your self at this time or start some sort of enjoyable experience or class, something like belly dancing or mountain climbing so you give your environment some stimulation.

 

Ok jenna, hope this helped. Best of luck to you and remember true love always finds the way. True love could be with him or with someone else that life is preparing for you. Good luck.

[CarterJonas]

Why doesn't your boyfriend want you to go with him? I'm not sure about work permits...etc in the US, but you could go over for a limited time to see if you like it there and to see how you settle.

 

You can always return home if things don't work out. You need to have a heart to heart with your boyfriend to see where he sees this relationship going.

 

goodluck

[jenna2510]

Thank you reborn for taking your time and replying me it really helped me a lot....I thank you so much! And CarterJonas......I thank you, too!

 

Jenna