When Your Girlfriend is Being... Rude

[giggidy]

These are some tips for sweet guys dealing with a girlfriend who is getting testy. I've decided to write this specifically for "nice guys", as I am a "nice guy" myself. It's an important thing to become use to, as healthy relationships depend on proper treatment. Here are some tips I have realized after many years.

 

It's easy to get trapped into the logic of when to be nice and when to be stern. A lot of your buddies will say, "You have to be a man", but not many can explain what that means. To suggest that implies that you are acting inferior, or wimpy. That can lead to a sense of self defeat. The goal is to understand the healthy way to approach the situation combined with some practical information on how things work. You already are a man. You have a penis and testicles, therefore you are a man.

 

First, these tips don't work if the girl is already over the guy. If she does not want to be with you, there will most likely be nothing you can do other than to run though the breakup process. That's a whole other forum. But, if you've been dating for a while and you know she still genuinely cares then don't doubt it!! Most likely, she is still attached to you, but might be PMSing or having a bad day and taking it out on you. Or, in those special situations where she needs space or feels overwhelmed--pay attention to the difference in scenarios.

 

Women have a really good way of making valid arguments for why you messed up. They are practically attorneys. However, if they are being a... um, rude person about it then you have a right to be upset too. If you've been in a relationship long enough, you know that sometimes you can be mad at a girl only to end up being in the wrong for something you said in the heat of the moment. This goes both ways, and if they are reasonable people they will know it.

 

Three essentials

 

1. If you hit a woman's button, it's okay apologize in a reasonable way. Keep calm and be the sane one. If she is certain that you are in the wrong and you hurt her, then apologize. However, that does not mean that you still have to talk to her. If she hits the ceiling with her anger and acts childish, it is okay for you to hang up (politely) or not call her back. You wouldn't want to talk with someone who is mean to you, would you?

 

Good ways to do this:

 

* If you've done something reasonably wrong, Apologize through text, email, or on the phone ONCE. After that, you've done your job.

* Do not call her constantly. Once you've apologized, you've done your job. That is it. You have to be willing to move on for a while, and if you can't that is a sign of a larger problem. Specifically, that you do not feel secure in the relationship or by yourself.

 

2. A reasonable woman wants to be desirable to her boyfriend. This is where your power comes in. She can demand an apology all she wants, and you can give it to her. But in the end, would a reasonable person want to spend time with someone who is mean? NO. You have power in the ability to walk away, get turned off, be sad, or just want to be alone. It shows that you are an authentic person who genuinely wants them for who they are, and not out of fear of being alone.

 

Good ways to do this:

 

* After apologizing, say goodnight, or good day. Go do something else. You have the right to take your ball and go home, and she will respect you for it.

* Let her be the one to call you. Logically, if you apologized, there's nothing more you can do. If you feel hurt and you want something from her that she won't give, don't be the one to give her more.

* Allow yourself to be turned off by her. You don't have to always be the one to fall all over her. You are desirable too. Remember that.

 

3. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have something to make up for. That is the wrong way to think. She should want your attention and your kindness. You shouldn't have to ask for it.

 

Good ways to do this:

 

* Talk to a friend about it, and see what they think. More than likely, your friends will see who is at fault. They will support you for it. If you don't have someone you can talk to, write it out here.

* Take some time to think about how venerable she is too. There is no way that she doesn't care if you are turned off by her attitude unless she is an uncaring person. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

Just remember that you are valuable too. If you are secure in yourself and you wellness, you should be able to take a break from her for a while. You always have other options, and that keeps things interesting. Remember, you were desirable to catch her eye in the first place. It's your job to realize it and act like a person who values himself as a person.

 

Good luck, and take care.

[nutbrownhare]

The above advice doesn't just apply to guys. It's about having healthy boundaries and applies equally to both sexes.

[giggidy]

That's true. I guess I personalized it a bit.

[zep]

This is a good article. I say in a way it's more applicable for women, because we tend to get into "moods" more than guys. Although really the best advice for dealing with a moody girlfriend is to just give her space and wait it out.

[Ayanokōji]

I always thought being a man meant to be strong enough to carry all your burdens + your s.o's burdens without complaint and display your sense of duty, responsibility, commitment through action which in return cause you to be confident, unwavering, strong, independent and reliable.

[zep]

I can't tell if termus is being sarcastic. I wish men could do that! Seems like a lot to ask lol

[Wunderbarrr]

I always thought being a man meant to be strong enough to carry all your burdens + your s.o's burdens without complaint and display your sense of duty, responsibility, commitment through action which in return cause you to be confident, unwavering, strong, independent and reliable.

I always thought that as well, until I actually got a gf. Things have changed for me, I don't feel responsible for her happiness, I feel responsible *IF* Imake her unhappy, hurt or whatever. I'm not responsible for her, her feelings nor her emotions. Maybe this sounds rude, but this is the best I can describe it. If she's in a mood, getting it out on me I will ask her what's wrong. If I get the dreaded 'nothing', I don't play these games anymore where I'm bleeding from my hands and knees just to hear after 2 hours of being treated like a rapist that her boss told her she should have put her cup in the plastic bin and not the general bin. Really, there is nothing wrong with being nice, but if you have the wrong reasons (feeling responsible for all her feelings and emotions) and the wrong thoughts (thinking you'll fix her mood), she will just run over all your fences while pushing all your buttons.

[giggidy]

I agree. I do not think it is healthy to be responsible for someone else's happiness. It is a fallacy to think of men as "saviors" or heroes of women. If you follow that logic, you will most likely fail. It's nice to help when somebody is down, but there has to be a balance. Both people must be emotionally stable to produce a stable relationship.

[Ayanokōji]

I can't tell if termus is being sarcastic. I wish men could do that! Seems like a lot to ask lol

 

Not being sarcastic, its just the way I was brought up. If you have time to complain then you clearly have too much time on your hands, I believe it is a man's job to lead by example but if a woman consistently takes advantage of that without hesitation out of selfishness, laziness and lack of appreciation then the relationship is over, no drama required. I mean if a man behaves in the manner I've described before then what words need to be exchanged? Leading by example and action is what is expected in a man and as a human being women should react accordingly after the man's actions.