Specific example of how my friends are.....

[HDC80]

You all wanted specific examples of how my friends are......I have a DOOZEY.

Background:

Friend was MIA for nearly 2 months....came out of woodwork and we had dinner. Over that dinner I told her how I was planning a trip in April with my BF....she said she wanted to get away and do something.....we both agreed March would work.

The following night, was at her house, and continued to speak about my April vacation plans and confirmed again that we would plan to take a trip in March.

 

Ive been looking at vacations every day for her and I, in addition to looking for my BF and I.

 

She Emailed me on 2/1 to tell me the dates she was available:

So, I was just looking at my March calendar, and it seems that I can do the first weekend in March 2-3, 15-16, or30-31. I am skiing on the 8th and the 10th, and the 23rd Easter with my BF's family. April is pretty much wide open.

 

 

I booked my trip with my BF April 9 - April 14. I posted this on FB last night.....(its been booked for a week but finally posted it)

She then immediately calls me....and txts ;( (I was getting a manicure so couldnt answer the phone when she called)

 

I texted her back:

I looked for the open weekends you had given me and couldnt find anything reasonable that didnt have almost 8hrs of travel and under $700. think its due to being too close to March sping break etc. but there could be last second deals. BF and I had planned to go away to celebrate a year since our first date...which is why you and I were looking for March. Ive been keeping an eye and looking daily and will continue

 

her response:

I just wish you could have said something. I was actually thinking the same thing, that march wasnt awesome because of spring break, but thought thats when you wanted to go. Im super flexible and have a large chunk of money set aside for a vacation. I only said $700 because that is what you mentioned. You wont want to do 2 vacations in April. I had approval for the time off and have been telling people how excited I was to go and spend time with you. Im just really disappointed because I was completely serious about wanting to spend time with you. Again, just wish you would have told me, maybe I sohuld have known because you stopped talking about it

 

my response:

I stopped talking about it because there wasnt anything to tell you to attempt to make plans for. Its why I do keep looking daily so should something come up I can let you know! I had always had plans to be away for 4/12. All I can do is keep looking and see if something looks good. I havent bailed on the idea and just like oyu am excited to traavel and have time iwth you. Dont give up yet!

 

my response this morning:

I can't do the first weekend in March...will be in NYC. weekend of March 31 is Easter.....

 

So that leaves March 16/17 or around those dates. Ill keep looking and see if any deals pop up.

 

her response back:

As I said before, I only said March because that is what you had mentioned. I was trying to be amicable. March is more expensive because of Spring Break, so it’s probably not the best idea. It’s not a big deal, I’ll figure out what I am going to do.

 

I wrote back: Right....and March worked as I already had plans to take a trip mid-April with BF. Was talking about it with K (her friend) at your house when discussing how we had been looking at Cancun and she suggested Playa del Carmen as a better spot.

 

I'm sorry the timing isn't coming together easily, but we also only started looking at the end of January, giving less time to find a deal.

Do you want me to keep looking?

 

This is what Im talking about-----I communicated clearly and kindly...Im doing ALL of the leg work....and yet Im still being pointed at as though this is my fault.

Please tell me what Im doing wrong here.

[Edmund Exley]

I'm betting the disconnect is in the texting. We often misread context via text. You may be misreading her emotion. Most likely you are both now misreading both. (From your explanation, your reading hers as bratty and shes reading your as uncaring).

 

Try picking up the phone and ACTUALLY speaking to one another. The world had less drama when people actually SPOKE to each other

[HDC80]

Agreed that we typically mis-read content in a txt message.

 

I know though, that it is insanely difficult to get her on the phone, so that is why typically communication is via txt or Email----simply because when I call she doesnt answer.

I would have picked up had I not been getting a manicure when she called.

 

All I know is Im doing all the effort, and doing something I had already said was happening (vacation in April) and now somehow that is a problem.

[Edmund Exley]

Here's your next text - "Call me when you have a minute, I'd love to speak to you and we can work out this plan"

 

I agree that she is being a little bratty/difficult, but Im guessing you have been friends long enough to know and accept that she behaves this way

[HDC80]

This is not something that is typical in our friendship.....

 

But I think Ive been overly kind doing all the work.....and looking daily-----

 

I have a tough time understanding how she is upset about my booking something I already told her I was going to do and in a different month than what she and I had discussed.

[becomingkate]

her response:

I just wish you could have said something. I was actually thinking the same thing, that march wasnt awesome because of spring break, but thought thats when you wanted to go. Im super flexible and have a large chunk of money set aside for a vacation. I only said $700 because that is what you mentioned. You wont want to do 2 vacations in April. I had approval for the time off and have been telling people how excited I was to go and spend time with you. Im just really disappointed because I was completely serious about wanting to spend time with you. Again, just wish you would have told me, maybe I sohuld have known because you stopped talking about it

 

It sounds like she's trying to guilt you. How could she have time off already without a date in mind? And why the crying face that your vacation is booked already?

 

Is she an attention seeker? This sounds like my 18 year old.

[HDC80]

Thats EXACTLY how I felt......that she was trying to guilt me.

Sorry but not gonig to feel guilty for booking something in a different month, that was already pre-planned and in the works....and that I told her about.

 

Maybe she thought it meant I couldnt do both. But that seems doubtful since I said we could travel in March, and I would be planning another trip in April (that seems to be clear that both wouldnt be an issue)

 

I think she just told her work that she would be taking a long weekend or a week, in the month of March and would give them specific dates once she had them. She works in a very small office.

 

She generally isnt an attention seeker......though there has been drama in her life with guys she's dated and Ive seen that first hand, but nothing direct in her friendship with me.