Why would a guy want to know about woman's first date with guy before him?

[Texasguy16]

This is just something I've been curious about for a long time and figured this was a good place for neutral opinions/perspectives. When seeing a new woman, I've never cared about the guys she dated before me (i.e. what they did, where they went, etc.). My comment/question for other users here is this...why do you think a guy would go out of his way to find out what the woman he's seeing did with the guy before him; places they went, things they did together? Specifically, why would he want to know where she had her first date with the guy before him? Then take her there himself? Maybe I'm an oddball (not a lot of relationship/dating experience) but none of that matters to me when seeing someone new and more importantly, I'd much rather do and go to new places with the woman I was currently seeing.

[capilot]

He wants to see how his first date with her compares to her first date with the previous guy to see how he measures up. He wants to gauge whether or not he got a good start.

 

It shows a lot of negative traits, however. Insecurity about himself, and a tendency to pry.

 

Did this really happen, or is it a hypothetical?

[RedDress]

Wanting to know I might understand, especially if it was a longer relationship. It might give him insight into the types of things she likes to do, etc.

 

Attempting to re-create the experience is pretty creepy, unless she was gushing about the place (a particular restaurant, for example) and saying that she had always wanted to go back but never got the chance (or said "we should go!". But even then, that's also pretty creepy.

 

Some people are pretty jealous and controlling. They don't want you to have fond memories of someone else, so they want to "replace" them. I think that's weird. If my bf went to Costa Rica with his ex, I wouldn't be clamoring to go to Costa Rica with him to 'replace' those memories, for example. Quite the opposite. I'd want to do something new and different. Let him have those memories (they aren't THAT great if they are no longer together!) and give me something else.

 

It's weird and I would consider that a bit of a red flag if he was obsessive about it.

[Texasguy16]

I can understand the comparison and insight perspectives. I just look at a current relationship as her past is her past and mine is mine. For me it's more of an issue of present and future.

 

@RedDress, she wasn't gushing about the place. He initiated questioning her about it quite early on and they went there. It was more of a we're going to this place and it's not really open for discussion. It struck me as a sign of insecurity along with a means to establish control. Didn't think about the obsessive angle though...would be a strong possibility.

[pl3asehelp]

Insecurity - he's afraid being himself won't measure up to what she's had in the past so he needs a benchmark to shoot for to figure out how to conduct himself.

[EssexMan]

I'd much rather do and go to new places with the woman I was currently seeing.

 

Absolutely. In fact, in the earlier stages at least, I'd rather not know where she went with the last guy, and I'll exercise a certain amount of care (not to a ridiculous extent) to avoid taking her to the same places as I went with the last woman. Stirring memories and provoking comparisons like that does nobody any good.

[Not a rookie]

Definitely insecurity. You sound like a great date btw. I am sure the ladies do enjoy your company when you go on dates.

[SpottiOtti]

That would creep me right the F out. I do believe that would be a dealbreaker.

[Kanalaaq]

It's because of jealousy/insecurity. I was in a really bad relationship with a guy for almost 2 years and I started to become like that with him. We were dating long-distance and only saw each other in person on 4 occasions throughout our relationship, and the entire time he was living with his ex-girlfriend of 3.5 years. So even though I knew that there was nothing going on romantically between him and his ex, I still got jealous naturally. I think I was more worried about doing things with him that he had already done with his ex. I wanted to know what they did together so I could avoid him having fond memories of her secretly, while I was thinking it was a new experience for both of us. He was not a very transparent person and hid a LOT of things about himself from me. He also had 5 other ex girlfriends that he kept as his best friends that I was curious about from time to time.

 

But I've been dating someone else for the past year and haven't had any feelings of jealousy. It is a much better relationship where we see each other very often and he is not really involved with any exes, even though he has dated quite a few people as well. So I guess, it doesn't always mean someone is too insecure a person, but different relationships can bring out feelings of jealousy and that obsessive behaviour. And if someone starts feeling that jealous then that is not a good relationship for the person and they should work on it or find someone else.