2 month blues... how do I move forward?

[pixel clouds]

It's been just over 2 months since my BU after 5.5 years. I did a post after 1 month where I felt positive, but at this point I just feel.... bleurgh. I guess I thought I would have a little more clarity and resolution at this point, but I can't seem to move on because I'm too clouded by false hope (and also because my ex is dragging out giving me back my things so I can't just cut him off)

 

A few weeks ago he came to drop off some of my things and we talked for the first time in over a month. He cried and said he missed me, that he had changed his mind about never wanting to get married, and kept saying things like "If we get back together...". He even asked if we could go out for dinner the following week when he planned to drop off the rest of my things. Strangely, I was kind of ok and casual during the meeting. I certainly didn't play into his obvious desire to hear me say I wanted to get back together, or that I missed him.

 

Anyway, fast forward 3 weeks and I haven't seen him since, and now I'm the one who is upset. We share the same hometown and he usually comes back here on weekends, but every weekend he has fobbed me off with an excuse. Last weekend's excuse was that he had been ill with food poisoning so hadn't been back to our old shared home to collect my things. I was a bit upset because that meant that he has been in our hometown all week but made no effort to contact me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up and he said he had gotten the impression that I didn't like him even as a friend anymore because I was so cold to him during our last meeting. He said he didn't want to meet up because he was confused and it was still too painful.

 

Which brings me back round to why I feel like I'm back at square 1. This is a guy who I went NC with because I couldn't handle him being in my life as just a friend, he then pushed hard for us to be friends, only to then hint that he wanted more and seemingly dump me (as a friend?) all over again, when all I was doing was acting the way a friend would with him?!

 

I really don't know what to do to move forward from here. I don't even know if I do want him back if that's what he wants, although I suspect it's just breadcrumbs. I guess I just don't want him to think that it's ok to treat me like this. I still have to see him one more time at some point to get my things back so I can't cut him out just yet. But how do I give up on the false hope? I keep thinking that maybe he's not seeing me because he's still harbouring feelings, but (as my mum pointed out) he's been around all week and could have easily seen me if he wanted to, but actively chose not to.

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

[visters]

I'm so sorry that you're going through with this. It must be so difficult to see him, what's even worse is when you don't see him and you know he could easily see you if he just asked. It seems that he's confused and by him even saying "he changed his mind about never wanting to get married.." just seems to me that realization shouldn't come after the break up..It's something that he should realized when he had you. He is confused, and doesn't know what he wants. It took me a year to really get over my last boyfriend..All I can say is that as hard as it is, don't make a timeline for how long you are taking to recover. It'll happen when it happens, for now it seems that he's stringing you along! If he's the one that broke up, he should have the respect for you to give you your space. And because he broke up with you, he needs to suffer the consequences of that. It'll be hard, but you need your space! Let him know that! If this is a break up, and you're confused then let me be. Good luck with everything, and remember: you are not alone!