Waking up, Feeling Down

[Vigilant]

Hey, all. It's been a while since I've been on this site; left for a while 'cause I was doing better and moving forward with my life.

 

But I'm kind of in a slump.

 

This girl that I dated up until... oh, gosh, a year and a half ago. The relationship didn't even last a year. And still, I have dreams about her. In the dreams, she torments me, leads me on, makes fun of me for not moving on, how many other dates she's gone on, guys she's been with, etc. It sucks because I've put so much time into getting over her and moving on, and what I hoped would become a distant yet fond set of memories have now become a plague to my mind, so bad that I am starting to want to forget everything about her.

 

In my head, I know what I have to do. I have the tools to move forward; I've even learned a lot about dating technique (not pick-up methods, per say, but how to present myself and act when courting someone and asking for that date.) Something's still holding me back, though.

 

I've tried going out and socializing; tried getting dates, but there's not a lot of selection where I currently live... it's mostly old folks and people from the ghetto. Even tried joining a dating website; that hasn't worked out too well so far... I feel so weird and pathetic to have resorted to this, and I'm sure I stink to the clouds with desperation.

 

In a few months, my ex will be back from her semester abroad, and continuing her education at the school where we met/dated, to which I've graduated from, thank goodness, but I'll be living pretty close by. I don't want to see her; I've had a whole year where I didn't have to worry about running into her by chance, and now that possibility will exist again. Then, in another year, I will probably move to the east coast, but that doesn't seem soon enough.

 

Trying to keep busy and pick up another part time job, or find a full-time. Waiting on word from one, hopefully once that happens, I'll have a better income and less time to dwell on her.

 

I thought I'd be completely over her by now. I thought I would be moving on with my life.

 

Thanks to whoever takes the time to read this.

[mrlee123]

i kind of know how you feel, i broke up with my gf last week and all i think about is her and no matter how hard i try to not think about her i just do. I think of her more now than when i was with her!! everyone has told me to just not contact her for a while see how it goes, and just try to go out and meet someone else. Because the feeling wont go until i meet someone else apparently.

[Vigilant]

Mrlee123, I know it's tough, but it has only been a week. Trust me when I say you should go no contact and take time for yourself to heal. You are thinking of her more now because basic human mentality is to want what we don't have. I can't answer for sure if you can only get over her by "replacing" her, but the trick is to give yourself enough time so it's not a rebound. What I can tell you is that the first date or more you go on will probably make you feel terrible, because it won't be like what you had with your ex, and you'll likely be out of practice. You just gotta keep persevering, and little by little, you'll learn to live with the pain. Hang tough.

[Polis]

What, exactly, do you feel when you think about her? Bitterness? Happiness?

 

Did you get closure in your relationship?

[Vigilant]

I dunno... a little of everything, I guess- it all gets so confused. I feel anger most of the time. She said a lot of things that stuck with me. I don't think she was necessarily trying to hurt me when she said those things, but basically she felt I was unmanly and dependent. Which was true. Probably still is. I feel like currently I'm trying to prove her wrong somehow, and I also hate the fact that I still seem to be giving her that much power, even if it's subconsciously.

 

And, I'm not sure I got complete closure. I tried to after we broke up, but it ended up turning into a 4-hour long talk and a great time, where we hinted at possibly giving things another try in the future. And she kept calling or texting about nothing at all, or really irrelevant things, so I eventually told her that I needed to stop speaking to her and couldn't give her a time when I might be ready to talk again. Before she left for her year abroad, I sent one last e-mail wishing her well, and if we ever crossed paths again, I'd like to hear what her experience was like. She replied saying thanks and asking how I was, to which I answered and nothing more. At the time I felt that was enough closure; now my mind seems to still be clinging to something.