OceanWave01 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I was a single mom that had my life together.... expect for the fact that I was alone in the world without family or anyone there for me. Even my friends were people I didn't really "click with". I met this guy at my college and we were on the same level and "clicked" on an intellectual level and alot of our views on society and life. Since I have a unique way of thinking I don't find this connection alot. He moved in very quickly and I found out more about him and accepted who he was. But I could not accept his choices. The type of friends he had (very young party and clubbing friends or those with crude attitudes that had to be told to act better before coming into our home), the passive aggressive actions towards me, the selfishness, laziness, and manipulation, and even emotional abuse with sometimes cruel comments. After many lies and trying to work it out and I finally kicked him out after over seven months. I finally have my life back with my kids. I feel relaxed again and the depression is suddenly gone and I feel lighter. I still miss him of course, but I also feel that my life has a better outlook now. He, on the other hand, is a mess. He has never had anyone love or accept him for who he is and wants me back. There is no way I will take him back or let him around my kids who are getting over him. I said that if he really loved me, than he would not have continually punished me for being there for him and shutting me out and cutting me off from all affection when I stood up for myself. I simply will not take him back. Last night he begged to come over. I finally agreed and he showed up in tears. He held me on the sofa and sobbed and sobbed for over an hour before I finally said I needed to pee and have a smoke. He is a broken man and I still won't take him back. I have never seen him cry like this or break down. I don't know that he has ever broke down in his life. He begged me to take him back and I explained that I simply could not and listed off all the reasons why. He said that he wants to be a better person and all he wants is this life. That I have shown him a life of love and belonging and meaning, and that his party friends and drug days and lazy selfish decisions are not who he wants to be anymore. That he wants to learn to treat people right. I told him that we do have a bond because we were very close. But I have my life back now and won't mess with that or my kids EVER again. He just sobbed and said he was sorry and clung to me and it had almost no affect on me. When I felt myself starting to give in and go soft towards him, I told him it was time for him to leave. That I made my decision and needed to stay strong in it and felt myself caving in. So I called him a cab. Before he left I said that the fact that he would come over and humiliate himself for me, and beg me, and fight for me, that I would give him ONE date. If that date went well I maybe would consider another. We do have a bond. And quite frankly no guy has ever fought for me before. But I don't want a project to fix and if he is going to change, than he is going to do it on his own for himself while living on his own. I am not interested in trying to teach him how to be a better person anymore. I have kids to raise and can't take time and energy to fix him anymore. I want a man that a ready-made man. He insists that he will become a better person, a person that he has never been and wants to be. That his old life means nothing to him. That he will date me as long as it takes and prove himself and earn my trust for as long as it takes. I explained that he should not have to change for anyone but himself and I am not interested in having a guy that needs work. That even IF we would ever start dating that it would be a year or even years before I would risk letting my kids and I live with him again. But since he fought for me I will give him one date because I feel that the fact that he utterly humiliated himself for me deserves a date. I have never had a guy bed, sob, and fight for me before. IDK.... feedback? Link to comment
becomingkate Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 But since he fought for me I will give him one date because I feel that the fact that he utterly humiliated himself for me deserves a date. I have never had a guy bed, sob, and fight for me before. IDK.... feedback? He really, really wants back into your house. He can't afford his lifestyle any other way. Link to comment
OceanWave01 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 He really, really wants back into your house. He can't afford his lifestyle any other way. I made it quite clear that he is NOT moving back in. If if if if if I ever date him again it is not even considered that he would move in. IF we date it would be a year or even years before I could trust him enough to even consider him moving in. He did use me... that was one of the issues.... for a place to live. That is one reason why I don't trust him anymore. On of the many lies. Link to comment
22n32 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Well i am that guy.. my gf is having our first child.. i was moddy, selfish.. she dumped me week before she found out she was pregnant. . I havent talked to her in 2 weeks.. i love and miss her and want our family to work... but she refuses to talk or see me... I know myself i wanna work and be better person for me, her and our child.. so its possible hea thinking the same think as long as he is genuine about it.. Link to comment
OceanWave01 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 so its possible hea thinking the same think as long as he is genuine about it.. Who knows. He has manipulated me and used to for his own benefit so many times that I don't believe a word he says anymore. I am not even sure he is capable of feeling true love or empathy for another anymore... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I made it quite clear that he is NOT moving back in. If if if if if I ever date him again it is not even considered that he would move in. IF we date it would be a year or even years before I could trust him enough to even consider him moving in. He did use me... that was one of the issues.... for a place to live. That is one reason why I don't trust him anymore. On of the many lies. Instead of jumping right back in, why not give him the time to prove that he can be trusted again? Why would you want to date him again this soon after you just made him leave because of the many lies, and the fact that he used you? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.