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Over Possessiveness help


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Hey guys

So me and a girl are in a long distance relationship for some time now, and I'm planning to move near her this September because the college I got accepted in is in her city. Now the problem is, right now we're 7000 miles apart, and this causes some other problems.


One of those is over possessiveness. We both are over possessive of each other but the problem is, she usually gets her way. For example, I'd been the only guy she'd videochatted with(Just an example folks, I know video-chatting is normal), and because I am over possessive, I wanted it to remain that way(Impossible) but she went on videochat anyways, after smiling at the overpossessiveness because she thinks it's cute.


Thing is, I don't really mind (I kinda do but meh), but the real problem is that she's really possessive as well. She told me she feels like she wants to have everyone but want me to have only herself. It kinda..I don't know what to feel anymore.


We love each other but this is kinda making me down lately. I don't even know how to explain it to her. Now, a few days ago, the idea of open relationship came to her, on her side that is. I am not comfortable with that, not at all. Just because of over possessiveness I can't share her with anyone else yet at the same time don't want to hurt her feelings. We have /everything/ in common, yes, everything, except this fact that open relationships to /her/ part aren't not what I want. We even have made plans for the future, after me moving there, but that still bugs me. I don't want an open relationship, on either side. I am more of a kind of a person who dedicates his attention to one person he cares about.


If anyone can help out I'd be really grateful.



Oh, I forgot to add. She goes out with a lot of guys. Friends, but those guys like her and she knows it. She says she likes to be surrounded by person and I'm still kinda imaginary for her because I'm so far away. I sometimes think I should learn to say no somewhere down the line, but I love her too much to do even consider hurting her feelings. I'm a mess for past couple of days because of that. If anyone can help, I'd much appreciate it.

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Have you ever met each other?


I think that you both need to work on your possessiveness, this really isn't healthy and will damage any future relationships you have. As for her, she sounds like an attention seeker and I would be very wary.


More like insecure, but that's the point. I don't know what to do with it. and No, we have not met each other yet, we're planning to do that in September when I move there for college. But the thing is, I'd have two options to move, California and NYC. I've got a load of friends in California and her in NY. My only reason to move to NY would be her, and if I get into a good college. I don't really want to move there in September and after 2 months see her go, "Oh you know what? Let's try open relationships."

Problem is, I don't know what happens when I get there. Do I get more 'real' for her?

Again, we had a little chat today, about a guy who likes her and she said, "I feel comfortable with him liking me as long as he doesn't force me to do anything." It's normal but I dunno. He's also taking her out on Valentines, even though she told him that she's not a date and they'll only hang out.

The whole text goes like this, talking about another girl:


Him ...met her at a ski resort but only like her as a friend.

Her: Have you asked for her number?

Him : No bc I have an idea whom I like.

Her: Oh?

Him: What if I say u?

Her : I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you.


It's good but meh Anyways, thanks. I'd try to find some more conversations about this, because It'll take a while to go through my texts and I think it's important to the topic.


Edit : Okay adding a bit more details from previous convo :

link removed / 8LWckamm It was too long to paste here, and I believe I have to acquire a certain amount of posts before I can post a URL? *Sigh*

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I think if you like this girl you should take a trip there beforehand...seriously moving to some place to be with a person that you have never met ?


things that concern me....


mention of open relationship

never met before

hanging out with a lot of guys

guy likes her and she continues to hang out with him

guy is taking her out for V day


^^^--- she recently asked for a open relationship..she might like you but she is still fishing for something else too



you need to voice your concerns also so you know where you stand...I think its really hard to establish things with a person that you have really never met..you dont really know the REAL them...they could be hiding a lot of things

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