Self-sabotage

[seralee]

I have been trying to date even though sometimes I don't know if I am ready for it. I was in a bad relationship which really destroyed my self-esteem and self-worth. I have been seeing a therapist to help with these issues and I know I am in a far better place than a few months ago. Being able to talk with someone and understand things better has truly helped. However, even though I have discussed dating with my therapist when it comes to it, it is a lot harder. A lot of the same insecurities come back and it comes down to self-esteem issues. I tend to feel like I'm not good enough, ugly, fat, etc. So that's just the gist of my feelings.

 

Anyway, there is one guy who I have been on a few dates with who I have it off with. At least that's how I feel. Every time we have gone out, I have a great time. But in my normal fashion, self-doubt creeps in and I wonder if this guy even likes me. I feel like he isn't into me. I feel like he will probably stop talking to me or just disappear. I feel like if i ask him out, he will reject me. It's my own way of self sabotaging before anything really starts. I over think and over analyze and step on my own feet.

 

How do I get out of my own head? I just want to enjoy his company without over complicating things and let things just happen.

[LoveHim]

Always remember...if a man doesn't want to be around you, then he won't be. If this guy keeps asking you out then he is interested...he likes you in some way.

 

The only way to get yourself out of your head is to put yourself in your head...meaning, every time you start to think those negative thoughts turn them around, curve your thinking...remind yourself that if he didn't like you, you wouldn't be hanging out with him. Tell yourself every day you are worth it, you are worth happiness and love and any man should be greatful to be with you. Remind yourself how much you have to offer, how much love and affection you can give. Curve your way of thinking, don't let the dark side pull you under.

 

Good Luck

[oldenoughtoknow]

Dating is not easy. It's not for the faint of heart. Getting out of your own head is, well, not possible from what I've found. I would try to change my internal dialogue. Every time you hear yourself filling in blanks about how he feels about you (not good enough, fat, ugly, etc.,) stop that dialogue in its tracks. Then, talk to yourself. No, not the way crazy people do. Have a meaningful dialogue. Your insecurities came from somewhere - a past bad relationship, it sounds like. So you need to talk yourself through it. Thank your subconscious for trying to protect you and keep you from further harm. If you do this every time something negative pops up, your subconscious will learn to let your past go. It won't go away with the blink of an eye, but eventually it will go away.

 

"You know, I really appreciate you trying to keep me out of another damaging relationship. But I really think things are different now. This guy seems really nice. He's still here. He enjoys my company and I enjoy his. I owe it to myself to see if there is something there. I really don't think there's anything to worry about this time."