sexually abused and i cant remember it?

[flowerchild96]

Ever since I was young, about 6 and up, I was very interested in sex. I would think of sex and rape constantly, even acting our scenes with my dolls. When I was eleven I started getting involved with porn, masturbation, and cyber sex. I am now sixteen and these habits still continue. I'm turned on by thoughts of molestion, bdsm, rape and being abused by an older fat an unattractive man, this is the only way I can achieve orgasm. I'm in a relationship where we do engage in sex but after I am extremely emotional and usually cry. my partner(or anyone for that natter) dont know about any of this. I don't know what to do. I constantly feel dirty and disgusted by these thoughts and I want to know if there is a reason for them. I have extremely vague memories of a cousin who is a few years older than me telling me to take off my clothes and he would touch me but I can't tell if it is a dream or not. Im very worried about how it'll effect me later on because the only sex I enjoy is submissive, pain inflicting, group sex etc. I just really need some help, I don't know if I'm just a crazy disgusting person or if I have a reason and hopefully a cure

[SapphireNoir10]

You are not crazy or disgusting.

 

The best thing to do is to print this out and take it to a counsellor or a psychologist and speak to them about what and how your feeling.

 

there is no shame in needing professional help to work through the hard things in your life.

 

Unfortunatley no one here can provide a cure or a fix. We can just tell you that you are NOT a bad person, or a crazy person. You are someone that needs to take to a professional, someone that can really help you better than we can.

[darthbreezy]

I can only remember one of the instances regarding my childhood sexual abuse (at a daycare). You did nothing wrong. The next best thing you can do for yourself is talk to someone trustworthy, preferably a professional. I wish you the best.

[parisian]

I can understand what you're going through to a small degree. I know I experienced something as a child and it heightened my sex drive at a very young age, resulting in thoughts and actions not common for a young girl. I always felt so horrible about it. I still don't fully remember what happened when I was young that triggered it. This is not a reflection of who you are. Remember that. This is simply a result from the abuse you encountered, whether you remember it or not. Sexual abuse is definitely a tricky thing that can wreak havoc on your mind. You did nothing wrong! I agree with what everyone else said, it would be a good idea to print that off and take it to a counselor who specializes in sexual abuse. They have seen a lot of cases like yours I'm sure and will know how to help. Good luck.