emiveritas Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Okay, so I'm a nineteen-year-old girl/woman/female, and I hate myself for practically no reason. I always beat myself up when I get the opportunity. What makes it worse is that I'm a "late bloomer" in life - I've never travelled (I've never even been outside my home state, which is very sad), I've never held an actual job and I've never had a "best friend" (every time I "apply" for that position I always find that it's filled). Basically, I know there are outside forces preventing me from doing these things, but I keep thinking that if I woke up as someone else than I would be about a billion times happier than I am right now. I get INSANELY jealous when people post pictures of going to parties or going to work or going to Europe on Facebook (which is FREQUENTLY, much to my chagrin) I keep thinking it's all because of me, and I shouldn't talk to anyone, because EVERYONE'S travelled, EVERYONE over the age of 16 works and EVERYONE has a best friend. I keep thinking that because I haven't experienced any of this, I'm not worthy to talk to, and I become self-contained and really anti-social. Also, I have an amazing boyfriend but I feel like I don't deserve him because I'm fat. His last girlfriend was about 2 of me in size, and this is where I start beating myself up again because I keep thinking he has really low standards when it comes to women, that he's scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to me, and if it weren't for him I would probably be the rejected one on dates. I just keep thinking I'm dumb, useless, ugly rubbish who doesn't deserve the life everyone else has. Anyway, my point is, how do I stop this thinking? It's driving me insane, and I'm fed up of being envious of my own friends. I just want to live an amazing life and not want to punch the mirror every time I see my reflection. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Hi OP. Have you ever thought about going to therapy? I did and it helped me A LOT. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 I didn't think of it. I've never told anyone about it because it never crossed my mind that I'd have depression. But thanks for the advice. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 It's really very helpful. It help me get my life on tract. I didn't realize how much I needed help until I was in the therapist's office, she asked me one question and I started bawling my eyes out. Needless to say, my life has improved very much since then. I recommend this website: link removed Link to comment
confused31681 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 how many of your friends have great boyfriends? You might have more than you realize right in front of you right now. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 how many of your friends have great boyfriends? You might have more than you realize right in front of you right now. That's one way of putting it. Thanks. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 It's really very helpful. It help me get my life on tract. I didn't realize how much I needed help until I was in the therapist's office, she asked me one question and I started bawling my eyes out. Needless to say, my life has improved very much since then. I recommend this website: link removed I'm kinda reluctant about this .... I don't wanna go on meds. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I'm kinda reluctant about this .... I don't wanna go on meds. I was never on (and am still not on) any meds. I told the therapist that I would not like to take med unless everything else failed. The only time she ever brought it up after that was to suggest a low dosage of an anti-anxiety med when I was a really hard time. She didn't push it at all when I turned down her suggestion. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Hey there, I'm au Aussie girl too - Queensland, i've been to sydney once, but apart from that i've never been out of the state and i'm 2 years older than you! I also don't have a best friend. I have a few friends, but no one i can tell everything too and who tells me everything. And i think every girl longs for that. As for therapy - in Australia you can get 12 free psychologist visits through your gp if you request it. So if money is an issue look into that, its called a "Sea GP" I think it is anyway. As someone who has been on many medications, and someone who has looked into mental health quite a lot, from what you say i don't believe they would want to put you on medications. But sometimes the simple act of just talking to a psychologist can significantly help. Oh, not all psychologists will fully bulk bill (making the payment free), some will request payment up front, but then you go to medicare and you only end up paying like $20 a visit. Which isn't bad if its going to improve your happiness. Also, maybe your boyfriend is one of those few amazing men who sees the heart and not the skin. But more so, perhaps he has amazingly high standards - and to him you meet them all. I often get down for the opposite reason - my boyfriends ex was really pretty, and i'm not small like she was. But he always says that he sees me as the most beautiful girl in the world, i'm sure no one else would agree, but who cares. He is the only one i want to impress. I'm sure your boyfriend feels the same about you Link to comment
Purple Turtle Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 OP if you don't mind me asking how overweight exactly are you? Also have you ever asked your BF if he likes larger girls, some guys (not me personally but I've seen it before on TV) prefer "bigger" women. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 OP if you don't mind me asking how overweight exactly are you? Also have you ever asked your BF if he likes larger girls, some guys (not me personally but I've seen it before on TV) prefer "bigger" women. I'm not sure. I'm an Australian size 18-20. But I really don't want to be fetishised for something I don't want to be fetishised for. I feel incredibly dirty for being this way .... and I'm really working my butt off to lose this weight because I want to feel at least somewhat attractive. Plus society sees men who like bigger women as freaks. I don't want to be the reason why my boyfriend gets labelled as a freak. I don't want to be labelled as a freak. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I'm not exactly rich, but I can always see what happens with my next doctor's appointment. I'm overdue for one anyway. I have really bad self-esteem, and I actually care what other people think of me, always have. I've had this problem since I started school. I was a five-year-old with the body anxiety of a fourteen-year-old. It's ingrained into me. Link to comment
emiveritas Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 I was never on (and am still not on) any meds. I told the therapist that I would not like to take med unless everything else failed. The only time she ever brought it up after that was to suggest a low dosage of an anti-anxiety med when I was a really hard time. She didn't push it at all when I turned down her suggestion. That's good. I'll definitely take this into consideration. Link to comment
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