teacher and student

[dancergirl87]

i'm 17 years old and i'm a junior in high school. i have a major cruch on this extremely hot 26 yr old science teacher at my school. he was my teacher last year, but now he's just a teacher at my school. when this school year started i had some problems with the science that i'm in now and i sent him an email asking if he would help me. he replied telling me that i could drop by his office whenever i need and when i told my friends they were like "whoa" 'cause they've asked him for help as well and his reply was that he didn't think he knew the topic well enough to tutor. so before my tests we would sit in his office and go over problems and equations. it sounds so childish, but the small things that he does makes me think that he's into me. he give me random nicknames and i joke about these shirts that he always wears. i find myself asking me if i'm actually interested in him and honestly, if he doesn't teach at my school i would be head over heels for him. how wrong is it to like a teacher at your school? should moral judgement come before emotions?

[tea]

If you wait a couple more years... until you're 21 or something, people won't think it's a big deal that you're dating someone 11 years older. It's probably more acceptable then.

 

... personally I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We only forbid teachers to date students to prevent unjust scoring.

[Mr Mister1]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a crush as such but you should keep it to yourself until your out of school.

Hmm it sounds like he cares a lot about the students, he probably was telling the truth when the other girls asked him for help, maybe he just happens to know a lot about what you're studying. For the moment, if he did have any kind of feelings for you he'd need to keep them to himself as his career would be riding on it.

[abcd1234]

I agree with Mr Mister1, keep this to yourself until you finish school. You wouldnt want him to risk his career over this and you dont even know for sure if he is interested in you in the same way.

[sisterlynch]

I think it is normal to like someone that is in a position to show you respect and is kind in his actions. I don't know if what you and he did is really flirting, or just getting to know one another.

 

Think of all the girls at school who probably like him too. He is making time to be with you. I still feel like it is a teacher student relationship.

 

If you tell him how you are feeling it is only going to end the situation, because he will end up feeling weird.

 

When do you turn 18? tell him that and see what he says then!!

 

I don't see anything wrong with the age difference as long as it is mutual between the two of you!!

[kamitwi]

Unfortunately for me, I know the problem and wrest with the ethics of it too. I'm 23 and my professor is 41--a very funny, sweet, adorable person at 41. But he's my professor...and I'm his student. If anyone else has a solution, I'd be glad to hear it. Oh well, I'm just a silly dork with my head in the clouds anyway

[JonnyG]

If you wait a couple more years... until you're 21 or something, people won't think it's a big deal that you're dating someone 11 years older. It's probably more acceptable then.

 

... personally I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We only forbid teachers to date students to prevent unjust scoring.

 

Its 9 years

 

I think u will have to wait a few more years til your older and not a student anymore. Then u can attempt to have a relationship with him if your still keen on him.

[drahcir]

ya...when you graduate from high school you will be on even footing...but even when you older, some people will think its weird that you are dating your former teacher. That critism maybe unfair, but people do suspect bad things...just keep that in mind!!!!!

[dancergirl87]

i have this thing planned out in my head (sad i know...). its like this totally Never Been Kissed kinda scene where i'm at my senior prom and i finally tell him that i've had a major crush on him for the past 2 years and then the last few weeks of school would end up being really weird and akward and then i'd go off to college and i'd still have to see him once in a while cuz the school that i go to is really diff. from other school. once you attend you can ever fully leave...

[Lily04]

Hi dancergirl,

 

I was in a similar situation as yours a few times actually, except the age difference wasn't that great & I never thought about it in that way. I think the reason he seems interested in helping you is probably because he figures you're a dedicated student and teachers are usually more inclined to help students who want to excel and who they feel like they can inspire to reach their goals, then students who are sorta mediocre or don't really care. On the other hand, if you're struggling, teachers also like helping students who are doing poorly but have potential to do better. So that may be why he's putting in the extra effort. Just to respond to what another poster said:

 

"Think of all the girls at school who probably like him too. He is making time to be with you. I still feel like it is a teacher student relationship."

 

It is some type of relationship, but not one that is romantic in any way. It is a friendship at this point, which is fine. Just because someone 'makes time for you' doesn't mean they're interested romantically.

 

But perhaps I am too naiive. I walking a fine line quite a few times with my TAs. On one occasion, I e-mailed my economics TA asking him to privately tutor me before the exam (when he had his thesis due in just a few days) because I really needed help..he didn't know how poorly I was doing because the marks go to the prof. but he knew I wanted to improve quite a lot. (This also wasn't allowed btw but he never told the prof.) So he agreed to help & studied with me for hours, even at my residence. We got along great, he gave me his no. and said I could call him if I needed any help, even if it was just an hr before the exam. He also invited the class to a coffee brunch to celebrate the exam afterwards..although that didn't actually come to fruition. In any case, the whole time we spent hours studying til 12:00 a.m. sometimes, I never suspected anything beyond friendship, and I still don't really...I think it really depends on the personality of the prof./TA. I know he used to tutor kids previously and coached a team in college..I got the impression that he was just a nice guy at heart. Oh, he also mentioned he had a girlfriend although they were doing long-distance. He was friendly with all the students in the class, although moreso with me just because we seemed to get along well...hmm.. Some profs. or teachers just want to get to know students though because they're nice and genuinely want to help kids. I don't know..Why does there always haev to be an ulterior motive? It seems like in this society, we automatically assume there's something going on if there's any protracted social interaction..in Europe I know it's not like that..

 

although, back to this story, since she's only 17, depending on how he's acting it could be a bit more. Funny story from my high school, my high school biology teacher went out with a former student after she graduated. He's only maybe 4 yrs older than her so it's not that bad (he was a really young teacher.) And now they're engaged..so yeah it's possible. Not likely, but possible I suppose.

 

Also, just something to keep in mind so you don't get your heart broken..not to get your hopes up, but he most likely already has a girlfriend. Most guys in their late 20s do, and would feel weird about dating an 18 yr old (if you ask him at the end of the year.) I was really good friends with one of my TAs (teaching assistants) from the summer, to the point where I was really attracted to him and there was quite a bit of tension between us. But I always maintained a professional distance. He said I could keep in touch with him if I ever needed any help, and when I see him he always waves/smiles whatever, but at the same time I know he has a girlfriend and isn't interested. He's also not very friendly with other students. So the lesson: Don't read into things too much, some ppl. are just friendly with you, even if they're not with other students because you get along well, or they respect you because you're a dedicated student..how to know the difference? The best way, find out if he's already in a relationship.

 

This isn't just to the OP, but to all the other people hopign for teacher-student relationships, lol. I never actually plan to seduce TAs in any way, but I just happen to get along well with them a lot..probably because I'm a dedicated student and we can somehow relate really well. But ultimately it's not really worth the disappointment if you know in advance there's no hope of it working because of faculty guidelines as well. If you're still a student that is..

[vanilla_princess]

dancergirl, i totally know how you feel!!!

my chem teacher (coincidence?) and i have an extra special relationship kind of like yours...he goes out of his way to explain stuff to me outside of class, and is always very flirtatious...not in a gross, sexual way, but in a playful way. the great thing is that he's such a nice change from all the other guys in my grade, who think there's nothing cooler than talking about who got the most drunk on saturday night. its so nice to have someone else who u can have decent conversations with that dont involve a swear word every five minutes.

everyday i love my teacher more, cuz he'll always know exactly the right thing to say to make me laugh or feel wonderful.

but at the same time, i dont think there's any hope of anything else. my teacher is much older than me...so its a bit different, but even with your teacher, you may be risking his job and your reputation. value your teacher as special friend. asking for more may ruin what you already have, and then you'll both feel awful, cuz you'll have lost something completely invaluable.

[hyolee]

well dancergirl i have issues with this girl whos only a 6 months older than me and she .. well refuses to go out with him because of that but i think if the two people like each other nothing else should matter.

[dreamweaverdude]

Having been on the other side of the fence being the professor/teacher it can put the professor in a very precarious situation especially in a HS setting where the odds are good the girl is less than legal age. If you come on too strong you could jepordize his job/career and lively hood. Be carefeul.

 

In the college setting I'm still amazed at the 'opportunities' that present themselves at times. Yes it is definitely unethical to date a student and i've never 'given' grades to anyone.... but some classes have definitely been intteresting to say the least knowing someone in the class had a huge crush on you as you taught. It does effect how you teach and tutor within the class..

[jennykitty]

Being a young lady myself and having a relationship with a much older (more then 11 years) man who has a similar standing job wise, i really think that you should becareful. Not only could he get in trouble if anyone were to think anything could be going on, media seems to love to eat that stuff up, but also don't put your heart out there to far. My boyfriend thinks of the girls he teaches, which are around my age, are children. He sees me in a different light because i was never his student. Never was i at the place where he taught. I would wait till you get older then voice your feelings because right now he probably just thinks of you as his student and he probably does care about you. Most teachers care about their students. The only problem i would see with a relationship down the road would be he thinks he is superior because the old student /teacher relationship. best wishes

[drahcir]

I really feel that there should be NO person contact between a student and teacher, even if it is not romantic. Teachers are not there to be a student's friend: They are there to teach. They are not there to be a friend, or a parent, or a bf/gf...they are there to teach and lead as an example. Like for me, there have been teachers who have shown a special interest in me....i feel really uncomfortable about this, esp. when its a female teacher. A teacher is there to teach, not be a friend. If a student doesn't have friends, then that teacher should help the student find friends...not be their friend. Teacher and student "friendships" spells disaster.

[jennykitty]

Just want to voice an opinon about the last posting on here. You don't have to be a friend to care for someone or be interested in their life. There is a relationship that does happen between a student and a teacher,but it isn't excalty friendship. a teacher is there not only to teach, but also to be a mentor. They don't just teach math,english and history. They teach respect for others, they teach understanding, they teach some very basic morals that sometimes are not at home. When a student brings in an issue from outside their class life they make it a part of the class room life and part of that life is a teacher. They are there to help. If teachers did not care for their students they would not be there. The pay is one of the lowest for a college educated person. Teachers hours are not 7 to 3... they put so much extra time into their jobs it is amazing. Friendship isn't what a student needs it is guidances and teachers give that even though it is not in their contract to do so. just voiceing an opinon please don't get upset and start flaming the topic.