Having trouble moving on :(

[lifehurtsxo]

I was just looking for some advice and comfort on a situation I have been recenetly going through.

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, a high school relationship that went into our sophmore year of college which is where we are currently at. He broke up with me about a month ago, At first it was mutual, but I wanted to try to make it work and he didn't want to. We started dating in high school and it went into our sophmore year of college. He was very different, always being a really sensitive guy *holding on to the stuffed animal I gave him every night* sort of guy. He would tell me everyday how much he wanted to marry me and how I was so special he would never find a girl like me. He would always talk about our future, which I never brought up, and he would come up with future plans almost daily. He wanted to propose to me after college so we can just start our lives together. About 4 months before we broke up he cheated on me the first week he went back to school (we had a great summer together and he took care of me for my surgery) I stayed home for college and he went away so summers were always the best. The night he cheated on me (he was drunk and I know that is not an excuse, but his friend told him what he did afterwards and immediately my ex told me what he did when he got back to his dorm after talking to his friend)he said he didnt deserve me because I was too good for him and he never thought anything like that would happen because he loved me so much. he kissed a girl and danced with her. After a long time of healing and being with him I forgave him and moved on but it always stuck with me. After that incident everything went downhill. I always told him how much it hurt that he had other girlfriends before me (he is my first boyfriend) and how I still am trying to trust him. Even before he broke up he talked about our future lives together so I have been bombarded with the thought of being married to him. Everyone was in shock when it happened because they saw how much he loved me and how I was his world, and that immediately flipped. We never talked face to face during all this which is pretty sad, only through texting. We were both stubborn and when one person wanted to meet the other didnt. After he has been away for 2 weeks back at school I was still trying to wrap my head around how if I was the girl of his dreams and he would never find anyone like me, how he would just give me up? He told me he wanted to be alone and to be selfish and he is really sorry for doing this to me. In the beginning he told me he still wanted to marry me after we broke up. Now after still being confused and contacting him, also talking to his dad who is also confused, he told me he wants to be selfish and alone and a relationship is too much work. He said our relationship would never work right now because I will always be jealous that he was with other people and I wasn't. He told me he still loved me which is why it is so hard for him to move on. (he still has all my pictures up and the stuffed animal I gave him) I am just trying to find comfort in this situation because I truly love him and thought I was going to spend my life with him. He said we need time and if it's meant to be in the future it will be. He is a sensitive guy and it is just a shock that someone who I thought would never want to lose me, is calling the shots. I just feel pathetic for being so upset over this when I feel like he isn't. Do guys just not show it more than girls do? I know he doesn't want to be with anyone right now and to find comfort in the situation, people have been telling me that he cares enough not to drag me along incase he makes mistakes again. I am not hoping to be back together, I was just wondering if any ex's ever came back realizing what they have done? I know guys hold in things differently and it takes awhile for them to realize what has really happened.. I am trying to understand how someone who told me I was everything to them, doesnt want me anymore. Just looking for some advice and input.

thanks

 

p.s. he wanted to see me because he is coming home, but he changed his mind about that already too. I wanted to be friends with him and he wants to be friends with me too but I don't know if that is a good idea. Is is true that when the girl moves on, guys tend to come back?

[LonelyGirl10]

I'm in a very similar situation where my ex is telling me every single day that he loves me and wants to be with me. But when I ask him to get back together, the answer is always that he needs more time. I know it's hard to let go of hope in a situation like this. But the question that you should ask yourself is whether you want to be with someone who breaks up with you or whether you want to be with someone who loves you unconditionally and never lets go? Even if you back away and he decides to come back to you, is that really the type of relationship that you want? I personally don't want a relationship where I have to play games, but that's just me.

 

It sounds like you are still young. There are so many people out there. I remember when I was in college and I thought I would never find someone to love me like my ex did. But, I did. All of my boyfriends have actually gotten progressively better as I've gotten older.

[Braveheart1]

It looks like he doesn't really know what he wants. I know it hurts, I have been on the side where the girl who I thought loved me treated me like I was nothing all of a sudden while making all the excuses in the world.

 

It hurts right now but know that there is someone out there who will appreciate the love that you have to give. Never put yourself in a situation where you're giving more. While it's ok sometimes, don't sacrifice your self respect. I sacrificed mine in order to try to save my relationship with a girl who clearly didn't know what she wanted or even cared. Your ex's actions have not shown that he is willing to commit to you. Take it a day at a time it will get better I promise.

 

Been there recently myself. Take your pride knowing that you were not at fault.