obsessed with my ex lover

[ammm]

ive been having sex with this guy for ten years it was only a sex for him and he told me so but i stupidly fell head over heals for him now its been three months he hasnt been back and im devastated depressed and its turning into obsession always trying to find where hes at or makin sure i run into him in town then i heard he was seen with another girl but ive no right to get mad cause we were only **** buddies but still im hurt and he never txt me bac so i need to stop tryin to get him but i want him back so bad im so confused hes all i think about other guys just hold no interest and i know i cant hav him how can i move on

[marona]

I have a great, great idea.

First of, you could look back and see what you have done.

You obsess, you linger, you express creepy stalkerish behaviour always showing up where you know he is, also you are letting your emotions control you instead of controlling your emotions.

So, the best way to move on? Do the opposite. Start using the time on you, what you did before you met this guy, you were happy before you met him and you can be so again. And stop texting him, for every time you do so you slow your healing progress. You are not moving on, because you choose not to do so, in reality, you like the pain because it is like a confirmation that you still hold feelings. But you should let go of this thought pattern, it is toxic... I don't know what else to suggest... If you don't have the willpower, I would suggest professional help, a therapist maybe...

 

And let me just suggest that you could occupy your time by practicing your english skills, it was pretty hard to read as you lack punctuation and capital letters.

 

Good luck

[lavenderdove]

Honey, you have to break this addiction. Yes, he is like crack to you... You've turned him into the holy grail, something to chase when he's just a man who had sex with you and was clear that he didn't want more. he had TEN YEARS to turn it into a relationship and he hasn't done it. So you've already had everything you're going to get from him and you're never going to get a relationship out of him or he'd have already done it because he's had ample opportunity to make it more and instead has disappeared and turned up wiht another woman. You don't want to be around and still pining for him when you learn he is living with her, or engaged, or married.

 

So this is like seeing a house you always wanted and can never have because the owners don't want to sell and have made that clear. They'll let you stop by now and again for some tea, but you're never going to have that house as your own. And standing outside on the corner in the cold fantasizing about how much you want it and how great it would be to move in is just stopping you from finding a nice warm and comforting home of your own. You need a man of your own, someone who loves you as much as you love him, not just some guy who is willing to lend you his penis now and again when he's in the mood to have an orgasm. You were a service to him, like a drive thru sex window, and he was satisfying an appetite, not building a relationship with you. So you want the whole thing, all of him including his love, or frankly you are just wasting your time, time that could be spent looking for a REAL relationship rather than just a fantasy of what might be if only he'd mutate into someone different than who he is, someone who doesn't just want to use you for sex but wants you to be a REAL part of his life.

 

I think that if this has gone on for 10 years, it is time for you to find a counselor and talk to them about it to help you let go. Sometimes obsession can be based on childhood traumas, and sometimes it can be triggered by a biochemical imbalance in the brain that can be successfully treated with medication. So you need to start standing up for yourself and your own needs rather than being trapped in an obsessive love... it is SO painful and not much payoff there at all because you are just getting older and are still not getting any closer to having a real love.

 

This is a really good book below, 'Obsessive Love'... you can start there by reading this, and also consider getting a therapist to help you get free of this obsession. It is a HUGE weight on your shoulders and holding you back from getting what you want and need, and getting your own life centered in yourself rather than being directed/controlled by an unrequited love which really is just torture. You can and will free yourself and be happy if you work on it and get treatment if necessary to help you let go:

 

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