Will I ever see a light in the end?

[every time]

My ex and I broke up almost a month a go because she said she doesn't see a future for us. We had no contact (she initiated) for 15 days because she she said we both need to heal. Recently she contacted because we need to exchange our stuff. I couldn't help myself and started to talk about the break up i apologized for my mistakes in the relationship which were small things but in general our relationship was good and we were happy for two and a half years. I treated her really nice even sometimes she asked me why i was so nice to her. Anyway and i told her no matter how much i tell her that i was nice to her and caring it wouldn't matter because she put her guard up against me well she replied "Nothing you say will change how I feel" and i asked is that because of me or you are just tired of the relationship and she said tired, need to focus on herself. I said I respect that and i need that too since we recently graduated from the college we both need to find a job and make a living. I think she wanted to concentrate with her career rather than our relationship which i understand. She needs to make money to pay her school loans and credit card debt etc.. I also see her spending with her girlfriends more time being happy with them. When we were together we spent most our times together and she hardly ever hung out with her friends. She admits that she enjoyed the times we have spent together like going out on dates and even when we sat at home we found something to do like turning off the lights and playing hide and seek. Lately we were both stressed with school and finding job; so we didn't do much. My question is after we focus on our lives for a while will there be any sort of reconciliation? I mean of course a new start. I don't want to go back to where we were. She also mentioned that she lost the feeling despite of her trying she couldn't get them back. I know that's a red flag and It makes me really sad. Another thing is i was her first. She was single til 20. She was a free spirit enjoying single life although we managed to spend a good 2 years and 5 moths together. I try to move on and not to think but it is hard to ignore. I love her and It is going to be hard to find someone like her. We know a lot about each other and we are extremely comfortable with each other. She told me It was an extremely hard decision and she cares about me a lot. However she has been acting cold and distant. She told me she is in peace with the break up decision.She is sad about this coming to the end she might possibly be friends after we both moved on I respect that and I decided to leave her alone. Right after the break up she went onto my Facebook account to see what i was telling to my friends about her. She was kinda disappointed that i changed the password. Do they check on you because just they are curious about what you are doing or something else? Do they just act like they are strong and hide their feelings because they are scared about getting into the old relationship?

[iamkaylee]

Go back to NC, work on yourself and give it time. It's only been a couple of weeks, it may take you several months to heal.

 

She's comfortable with the decision to break up. That means it was the right thing to do for her. Don't hold out hope for a reconciliation. Do what you need to do to move on.

 

Sorry you're going through this.

[scaryhobo]

I'll tell you the same thing I keep telling myself: It doesn't matter, you have to move on. Put yourself in a place where you have things going on for you that would make you hesitate to take her back if she did come back. Pursue other opportunities that you couldn't if you were with her, when you're ready (and only when you're ready) start seeing other women. Imagine her reaching out to you and you having to say to yourself, "well, let me think about this..." That's where you want to be, although you won't be there any time soon. That doesn't mean she's necessarily coming back, ever, from what I've read in your other posts your chances are even slimmer than mine, and mine are pretty slim. This is the mind trick you play on yourself, if the idea of moving on isn't enough to motivate you all by it's self, realize that she'll never come back unless you move on anyway, so move on.

 

I read some of your other posts, and it sounds like she put a lot of thought into this, A LOT of thought. Love of the first 18 - 24 months or so is a chemical thing, an addiction, that's the honeymoon period, and most of the relationships I've seen end a little before 2 years if they make it past the first few months. After 1.5 - 2 years the "feeling" goes away and things get more real. I think that's what happened to her but she hung on for another 6 - 12 months, so she's had plenty of time to think about this. From what you've shared of her thoughts this seems life a fully formed idea for her.

 

You seem to be spending a lot of time looking for a sign there's still a spark in her. Stop. You'll drive yourself crazy and drive her further away. This is on of the biggest reasons for NC, if you keep her in your life in any way, even keeping her on Facebook, you'll always be looking for "signs." You've got discipline yourself to look forward not back. It's the only way.

[every time]

I totally agree with what you mean. My mood has been fluctuating up and down constantly. My question is now how do people have a healthy relationship and stay together? I think it is impossible. I will be always paranoid no matter how perfect is my relationship it will end eventually. How do people stay together even after they get married for 30 or 40 years? Don't they fed up eventually? I realized that our generation don't fight for their love; instead they just give up and break up because it is an easier choice. Well I understand the fact that maybe most of the times break up is the way to go because I don't want to get stuck in a relationship that i won't be happy in it. Sorry about the rant. I just can't trust any of my partners no more because I will constantly have that fear that It will end at some point.

 

I have a quick question: Why does she go on my facebook and be curious about what i tell people about her? She logged in but I changed my password and she told her friends that. She talked about me to her friends like me possibly talking 20 other girls etc.. Does she want to make sure that i am moving on or something else?

[every time]

One more think she was supposed to meet to exchange stuff a few days a go. She wanted to come to my place for that asked me when i would be available. I said maybe tomorrow after five or today i can come to your place and it would be more convenient since i have a care. In the end she agreed tomorrow night would be a better idea. Since then she hasn't contacted and I didn't bother asking anyway. Guess she is not in a hurry.

[scaryhobo]

I have a quick question: Why does she go on my facebook and be curious about what i tell people about her? She logged in but I changed my password and she told her friends that. She talked about me to her friends like me possibly talking 20 other girls etc.. Does she want to make sure that i am moving on or something else?

 

 

A woman's feelings for a man run on more of a spectrum than how a man feels for a woman. Whereas a man is generally into a woman or he's not, women have a lot more feelings in between. As a man it will probably be difficult for you to comprehend exactly what she's feeling for you. I would suspect your ex is still interested in you on some level, even though she isn't into you.

 

I don't know what to say about your last post except that you're clearly obsessing over this, and that's VERY bad, and unattractive. You've got to find something to occupy your mind and time. Remember, you MUST move on.

[every time]

A woman's feelings for a man run on more of a spectrum than how a man feels for a woman. Whereas a man is generally into a woman or he's not, women have a lot more feelings in between. As a man it will probably be difficult for you to comprehend exactly what she's feeling for you. I would suspect your ex is still interested in you on some level, even though she isn't into you.

 

I don't know what to say about your last post except that you're clearly obsessing over this, and that's VERY bad, and unattractive. You've got to find something to occupy your mind and time. Remember, you MUST move on.

 

Indeed I am obsessed from the way it looks like because I am over analyzing things which I shouldn't. On the other hand I don't contact her at all unless she does. It is mostly about exchanging stuff. She is being cold and distant. It is funny though, the day she broke up with me she cried and told me that she cared about me and so on. Even after her closure message she was very sincere. I am guessing she is acting like that for her protection.