Very confusing situation I'm in and I really need some help!

[Zyglrox]

Hey guys! I'm new here and I've seen the advice given to other folks on here and thought you might be the best people to ask since I have no one to talk to about this. So I have this small issue...sort of. My ex and are were together for almost 3 years when she dumped me (it was nothing serious but I think there were little problems here or there that she saw with us that were bothering her. I honestly thought we were just going through a rough patch). I spent some time getting over that and trying to be friends with her. A couple weeks later I found out she was seeing someone else and I basically melted into a small puddle of...sad (lol).

 

I broke all forms of contact with her (but forgot to on msn) and hung out with more people and went out more often to try and forget her. I honestly still feel like crap about the whole situation.. point is, she messaged me through msn not too long ago and I was like "screw it I'll talk. Maybe I can put this behind me". We managed to chat and then today we hung out. She was really happy to see me and she told me how seeing someone was a really big mistake (she doesn't like him at all right now...stalkery, druggy kind of dude apparently..) and she was doing it to get over the feelings of our relationship ending. So we hung out and things went good and then we talked about us and whether or whether not we could just be friends. We both have feelings for each other and would make sure the same problems wont happen again.

 

Here's the selfish sounding part. I still feel like **** that she was with someone else doing things with that someone else. She was also basically my first gf and first..everything. She's dated people and everything before and after me. Part of me wants to be with her badly but the other part wants to try and see if I'm capable of having other relationships...is that bad? is that even worth it? There's really no one my type in my area. I'm not afraid to talk to girls (at least I'm pretty sure I'm not) but I never find anyone or a right time for anyone. If I go to a party with my friends, we're all usually in the same social group so there's no one new. I should also mention that my ex was the most amazing girl. We liked the same...everything and we'd do everything together. We'd cook, play games, just chill to music, go out places and see things and she's damn beautiful. I'm not sure why I have these conflicting feelings and I'm not sure what road to go down and I could really use some help ):

[abitbroken]

If you still have feelings for her, you can't be friends. You can be friends in the sense in that you are not enemies, but you can't have a friendship with her. If someday you are over her, then maybe you can. But not now. You will be seeking out another girl to get over your ex. Also, few girls really like it when their guy is besties with his ex that he is not completely over. I would either not be so quick to answer her calls and if she asks you out one on one, tell her that you cannot do so because she is seeing someone and it wouldn't be right, or you out and tell her that you can't hang with her because you have feelings for her. So its best that she not contact you.

 

I would also try to hang out with new people. You CAN get involved in other circles of people through hobbies etc.

[MapleCanuck]

Hey my friend, I'm a 35-year-old guy. It's not bad that you want to see what's out there. Go for it. You can still hang with your ex, but she'll have to be dropped if you get serious when anyone else.

 

I've had tears in life, but can tell you that there are more wonderful people out there for you. Go live. We all have emotions from past relationships. I loved my ex, but had to drop her because she couldn't put me above guy friends.

It's called respect. Your ex dumped you and now wants what she disgarded because the new guy was scum. What's to keep her from running off again and how will you trust her fully again?

[Zyglrox]

Hey guys thanks a LOT for your input on the situation. Looking for people is probably hard right now cause I'm taking a year off before I go to college/university (I want to do music but I'm unsure what department I want to get to and it's killing me). I guess I'm letting emotions get in the way and that's why I sometimes feel like I'll never find someone as great as her again. But you are right about the trust situation. I don't think I'm even over the fact that she went and did things with some other guy and I'm sure that would still bother me if we were to get back together. It's hard as hell to put someone like her out of my life. I want to be her friend but at the moment, I can see myself struggling with that cause she was always someone I saw as a girl I'm in love with first and then a best friend..if that makes any sense. I feel bad just typing this now but there so many sides of me that just want that relationship to work so much. And apparently another reason she saw someone else is because I seemed over her when we talked after the break up (I was scared of saying anything about my feelings to her so I guess i sounded kind of cold) and she thought I was dating someone else and...there was just a lot of stupid misunderstandings. She's also the person I can talk to pretty much ANYTHING about (except for that no contact event) and losing all of that..well I'm not even sure what to think. But if getting out there and everything is the right/better option in the long run, I gotta do it. Gotta keep my priorities straight. I have a band and (hopefully soon) gigs to tend to But I honestly hope some good things come up soon because I feel like any step I take now will be a bad idea until I start walking further. Thanks again everyone.

[MapleCanuck]

Listen, if you continue with her, it might be a mistake. It is your choice though. Just keep things in perspective.

 

Some people lose money in a casino and decide to gamble more expecting a different result. Just know when it's time to leave the table.

Good luck. Oh, wear rubbers and be safe!

[Zyglrox]

Hey thanks a lot I'm very thankful for your help!