My girlfriend doesnt trust me anymore..

[RonaldPaul]

This problem all started when me and my girlfriend of 2 years first started dating. I met her in school and it was basically love at first sight. we talked and went on some dates and eventually started going out, Now at this point she had just recently broken up with her ex so i do not know if maybe we got together to fast, but anyways I caught her on numerous occasions calling, texting and visiting her ex to "talk". She would tell me when she went to talk to him but not when she called or texted him. This made me very uncomfortable. about 2 months into the relationship she said she was going to a party and i said ok, just let me know if you dance with anyone or anything, she said only with her girlfriends. My friend just happened to be at that party and caught her dancing with about 3 guys. I waited for her to tell me the day after and she never did. so i confronted her about it and she admitted it. She apologized and i moved on and forgave her. A couple months from that she told me she went to Stop and Shop and a guy asked her for her number and she said no i have a boyfriend, obv thats what she is supposed to do, but then the next night i went to her house and seen her put her password on facebook. i left her house later on and went on her facebook only because i kind of had doubts.. Well upon logging in i seen an unread message and it was from the kid at Stop and Shop. the message read, " Hey your the girl from Stop and Shop right?" and she responded "yes that was me : )" he then responded " heres my number ********** text me and she said okay i will . So she lied once again, so i gave her a chance to tell me and she never did. i confronted her once again and she admitted it obv because she was caught and actually got mad at me for going on her facebook. So because i loved her i just let it go and moved on because i wanted to be with her soo bad. Now lets fast forward to 7 months in the relationship, she was still speaking to her ex boyfriend and i knew about it, but she explained she was just friends with him. It made me very uncomfortable, but again i let that go to be with her. now skip to 9 months into the relationship and i caught her talking to another guy on facebook, and they were sort of flirtatious. I asked her that day if she talked to anyone new recently and she said no, then i told her i seen it and she admitted it, and admitted she messaged him because she thought he was cute. At this point I was fed up, and mistakenly kissed a girl at my work. I know i was wrong for doing it and felt really bad for it. That was the only incident i ever did in the relationship and at the time i didnt tell her because I felt she wouldnt of told me and it was almost like a cause and effect deal. I couldnt deal with my self at about 4 months later. i couldnt sleep anymore and i just felt terrible. i told her and she flipped out and broke up with me. a couple days later we talked and she said she would take me back and i said ok and she promised me she would bring it up or make me feel worse then i already did about it. Well i found out pretty quickly that that was a lie and for about a year now ive been dealing with her bringing it up, saying how im a bad boyfriend and i dont love her. i cant go into public with my head up, if i even look up and theres a girl she will get all paranoid and flip out on me. She also listened to her friend who said oh i doubt they just kissed, so now she thinks i actually had sex with the girl, which i never did. I dont know what to do, we pretty much argue everyday about it and idk i dont think i still deserve to be treated like a criminal. Te whole time after the incident i put my 110% into the relationship and shes admitted to putting only about 50%. i dont know what to do. please someone tell me what i should do...

[MapleCanuck]

You need to dump her and also work on your trust issues. It's clear she wasn't over her ex, that doesn't bode we'll for you. Learn from this my friend.

 

Go out and make sure you don't crazy mistrust with you. Looking in her Facebook wasn't cool as you have to respect her privacy, but I understand why you did it.

 

Dump her and don't look back. Every day In this relationship wastes time enjoying life with a better partner

[LanaH]

Firstly, no-one can tell you what to do, that is your decision alone. But can I point out a few things? I think that the fact that she did what she did in the past (the texting and facebooking other guys and dancing etc) that she does not trust herself. Because she doesn't trust herself and because you have kissed another girl, it has made her even more paranoid. I understand that half the reason you did it was probably revenge and I don't blame you as what she was doing to you isn't nice. I think the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. If you cannot be honest with one another (not saying you because you eventually told her what had happened), then it is going to make it very hard to work. I think deep down you can't trust her, she can't trust herself and now she can't trust you. Its not a nice way to live. I have been in a similar situation and all I can say is, don't settle for less than what you know deep down you deserve, because there is ALWAYS someone out there who will be exactly what you want them to be. Its such a hard decision to make and honestly probably not one you will be able to make straight away, you may have your doubts but not do anything until one morning you wake up and you just know you don't want to be with her anymore. I think it is going to take a long time to trust each other again so your choices are to take the risk and end it with her and go through a bit of a hard period that believe me is worth it when you find true love, by true love I mean one where you share your thoughts and feelings and are understanding of each other and are loving and caring for each other, what you have at the moment certainly isn't true love, not that it can't be but it isn't at the moment, option two is to stay together and again go through some hard times in order to repair your relationship. Just please don't waste your time being unhappy because you are scared of the future, scared of what will come, have faith that you deserve better andd seriously, that person will find you. Good luck to you, I hope I have helped in some way. Lana

[RonaldPaul]

Just to fill you guys in, Were going on 2 years and 3 months, and she is stil just as paranoid and controlling. I just feel like I deserve to be forgiven especially because ive forgiven her for everything she did to me and she has my 100% trust. I mean that's all I truly want, and not just that, this has affected our love life, we don't have sex nearly as much as we used too. I feel like in this whole epidemic I do still love her but maybe not as I used too. I don't feel like I should be tormented anymore for the 1 mistake I made during the whole relationship..I feel I deserve to be happy, I mean even my parents tell me they think im not the same anymore, idk it just pains me to even think about losing her, shes such a special person and a big part of my life, but I don't know if I can take it anymore..And for the record ive talked to her about this many times, nothing changes. I also warned her not to bring up what happened anymore because I feel it jst gets her thinking again, and I even say im going to break up with you if you bring it up again, and she still does, I just cant do it. IDK!!

[LanaH]

Well like I said at the end of the day it is your decision no matter what anyone else says. But you said it yourself, you deserve better and if it has been that long and she is still holding onto it, its not going to change anytime soon. I think just go with the flow and you will figure it out in time what you want to do. Maybe write out your pros and cons and be honest to yourself, you know deep down what you really want.